How to Afford Your Social Life

When it comes to social occasions, I find that I'm typically the "poorest" one in the group. Not that I'm really "poor," but in respect to my friends, my income is significantly lower, and therefore social settings have a tendency to turn into stressful environments compounded by peer pressure to spend rather than relax and take pleasure in the company of loved ones.

While I've frequently explored the challenge of incorporating social spending into a limited budget and sought out alternatives to expensive nights out and requisite obligatory spending for weddings, birthdays and the like, I've come to the realization that social spending is not a solo affair. The burden of such events and occasions should not rest on the person on the tightest budget. Everyone, regardless of income or means, can contribute to making social spending occasions and expectations more reasonable for all involved.

Be mindful. If you're among the higher earners in your social circle, congrats, that's a wonderful thing and nothing to be ashamed of. However, be mindful that not everyone is working within the scope of your means. If you want to enjoy a lavish dinner complete with wine tastings to celebrate a birthday or a promotion, feel free to indulge, but understand that inviting friends who can't afford such luxury puts a great amount of pressure on them to spend more than they can or should.

For group occasions, decide what's more important, the activity to be enjoyed or the company to enjoy it with. If it's the latter, remain mindful of the financial reality of everyone involved before choosing the activity.

Don't be offended. If you've decided to splurge on an expensive event like a destination wedding or celebration, go for it, it's your celebration. Just don't be offended when friends and loved ones have to decline due to prohibitively high costs. To you it might look like they're simply opting out, but understand that for some, skipping your expensive event is the difference between celebrating with you and making their mortgage payment for the month.

Keep it in perspective. The wedding industry is probably the best example of social spending pressures on steroids. Guests are now faced with ever escalating costs of destination bachelor and bachelorette parties, upscale wedding showers and expensive engagement extravaganzas on top of the cost of attending the weddings themselves. As the host of such events, consider the total cost of attending all events and see where you can go casual for the sake of your guests.

A low-key backyard BBQ for a wedding shower or a low cost camping trip for the bachelor/bachelorette party can serve as an equally celebratory experience in way that works for all involved. A bunch of 20-somethings struggling to make rent really don't need to be faced with the additional pressure of shelling out for three extravagant parties on top of wedding attendance for each and every friend.

Set reasonable expectations. I grew up in a strong cultural community, which resulted in very specific expectations on everything from proper etiquette to appropriate spending behavior. It wasn't until I traveled extensively throughout the country and the world that I found much of what I had come to perceive as "normal," especially in terms of social spending, was not at all the case elsewhere.

Don't set expectations for others based on your idea of normal. The best example I've seen of this is the "cover the cost of your plate" wedding gift expectation. The price of the gift should be determined by the realities of the giftee's budget and their relationship to the couple. If you as host are holding onto an unreasonable expectation like "cover your plate," you might as well rename your invitations invoices.

Don't prey on emotions. Guilting and tempting loved ones with promises of unforgettable weekend getaways and breaking relatives' hearts in their absence may seem innocent enough, but it makes the challenge of responsible social spending much harder. Don't make friends and family feel bad about prioritizing their needs and making financially sound choices. In fact, support them by commending their efforts and offering alternatives that fit within their social and financial realities.

Stefanie O'Connell is a New York City based actress and freelance writer. She chronicles her struggle to "live the dream" on a starving artists' budget at thebrokeandbeautifullife.com.