AHS: Freak Show "Test of Strength" Review: Make-Ups and Makeovers (PHOTO RECAP)

American Horror Story S04E07: "Test of Strength"

Creating a villain is a fine art, and I don't just mean painting a portrait of Bill Cosby! LOL that was a timely topical joke about something in the headlines, did you like it? But back to what I was saying: TV shows need to have antagonists in order for their heroes to shine, but too often, they present terrible people as protagonists, and that's a very tricky trick to pull off. Writing a truly despicable character isn't easy, and it's definitely possible to make someone TOO unlikable, which results in viewers having to sit there and endure this awful guy or gal for an hour every week. You know? Like, "That monster may be well-drawn, yes, but do I really need this in my life?" There's a difference between an anti-hero and a piece of sh*t. Walt from Breaking Bad was not a great person but he had identifiable, sympathetic traits worth rooting for, you know?

Until this week's episode of Freak Show, Michael Chiklis's Strong Man character was simply a piece of sh*t. He'd been presented as a point-of-view character, yet he completely sucked? Yes, he completely sucked and it was an example of a mistake that American Horror Story commits too often: assuming we'll become invested in awful people. (See also: the non-Connie Britton characters in Season 1.)

But Strong Man's one-note characterization changed this week in "Test of Strength," which found him doing his arguably most despicable deed yet, but with the added pathos and angst that comes from seeing his redeeming qualities. The second he snatched Jimmy's gloves away from him in that bar, I could feel the relief setting in; finally, I had a reason to root for this guy. Even when he did what he did later on, the pained look on his face made me feel complicated things, which was a change from my usual, simple antipathy toward him. So congratulations, AHS writers! Strong Man's villainy is no longer a complete turn-off.

While generally upsetting and highly unpleasant, "Test of Strength" boasted some definite highlights. But yeah, it also continued this season's unfortunate trend of feeling sliiiiightly uneventful. Still though, let's talk about it!

We started at the Mott Manor where Jimmy Darling had QUESTIONS for everybody. Like, why were the twins there, what was the deal with that even?

By this point both Bette and Dot had their reasons for wanting to stay, but then Jimmy had a sudden brainstorm that Dandy had been the masked clown from the night when he almost got killed by Twisty, so that's when he got real urgent about it.

Dot decided she wanted to leave, and Bette sided with her "sister, always." This did not make Dandy happy.

Speaking of unhappy, the Strong Man (who has a name, but who even knows what it is, I don't, and there's no way of finding it out, so oh well, Strong Man it is) was missing his boy hooker and did not appreciate the bartender's wisecracks about it.

Obviously Strong Man is not very discreet when it comes to behavior in secret underground gay bars, so a nearby bar patron took notice.

Meanwhile back at the tent city Jimmy was screeching his way through a karaoke version of "Come As You Are."

Is it okay to say I am very tired of Freak Show's musical numbers all of a sudden? It was one thing when "Life on Mars," a perfect song, was used as a pathos-riddled show-stopper out of nowhere, but now that we've come to expect weird anachronistic covers, I feel like they don't work anymore. But that is just me, the crown prince of unpopular opinions! "Let It Go" is a very terrible song that we as a society will be embarrassed about in the future, remember I said that.

Anyway, Jimmy has a pretty good singing voice, credit where credit's due.

Oh, and when Elsa objected to scheduling a down-tempo, early '90s grunge hit in the middle of her freak-stravaganza, Jimmy decided he'd tell everyone about the time Elsa sold the twins to Dandy's mom. But then they showed up and covered for her!

Jimmy seemed hurt and confused, but it was clear that Dot was up to something. Sort of a reverse blackmail situation against Elsa? Where you do a good deed for someone beforehand and then claim a favor later—something like that. Clever girl!

Meanwhile Kathy Bates and Angela Bassett tried to go to the doctor but they found out that he committed suicide because he was sad about having broken hands and his daughter was now mad at them about it.

That was just bad news all around, because he'd seemed like a good guy. I guess Kathy Bates and Angela Bassett will just have to look up another clitorectomist on Yelp.

So then Long Dong started blackmailing the Strong Man by threatening to out him.

But in addition to threatening to out the Strong Man, Long Dong also just pulled a pistol on him, which seemed to work even better:

So now Strong Man would have to murder a freak in order to stay in the closet and not have his junk blown off with a tiny pistol. Seemed like a fair trade.

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Meanwhile during an underwear party, Maggie cryptically suggested to Jimmy that they leave town for like the thousandth time.

Advice to Jimmy: ASK A FOLLOW-UP QUESTION. How many times does a girl have to intensely suggest that you run away before it sounds like something bad might be going down? Anyway, he did not ask a follow-up question, and also was not interested in leaving until he'd sorted out society.

Meanwhile Elsa and the twins started bargaining about what it would take for them to keep quiet about Elsa's crimes against them.

They wanted the normal things like caviar for breakfast and tons of benjamins, but Elsa could tell Dot was after something more, shall we say, surgical. Oh Dot, you schemer.

Speaking of schemers, the Strong Man made a questionable choice in which freak he wanted to try and murder.

And in one of Freak Show's most satisfying moments to date, Amazon Eve beat the sh*t out of him!

GET HIM.

Then word started to spread that the Strong Man had tried to possibly pull a Bill Cosby on Amazon Eve, so Kathy Bates started forming a plan.

But Jimmy felt like that was too drastic and bargained that maybe if he talked to Strong Man—you know, Lobster Boy to Strong Man—maybe Strong Man would agree to leave town on his own. So the next thing we knew they were in a shady bar downing shots of gutter hooch.

This was probably the best sequence of the episode: Jimmy recounted the story of the time Elsa's troupe was snowbound and he got to wear gloves all the time and he felt normal, but then Strong Man snatched away his gloves and told him to be out and proud.

I just really loved the internal journey Strong Man took in these scenes. Like, he knew he could probably easily kill Jimmy, but he also felt paternal pride. Kind of a major battle to be fighting!

Later in the alley, Jimmy was puking up everything and Strong Man had one last moment to think about what he wanted to do.

And that's when Jimmy finally pointed out the elephant in the room and called it "Dad."

All he asked was that Strong Man finally admit he was his father. Which Strong Man did! And it was heartbreaking. And then this happened:

SO GOOD. Yeah, Strong Man is way sucky but I love a good redemption arc and this made me feel really great.

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So anyway, then at dawn they arrived back at the camp, arm-in-arm and singing pirate shanties or whatever and two VERY beautiful women ran out to object to their racket.

I loved when Elsa seemed unimpressed that Strong Man was finally being honest about Jimmy "after 24 years." But it was undeniably cute when Jimmy stood up for his father.

But nothing compared to all of Angela Bassett's reaction shots. I mean:

PERFECTION ALWAYS & FOREVER.

And then Strong Man even tucked Jimmy in, just in case you were still feels-deficient.

New favorite character:

This hairstylist lady! Because oh yeah, one of Bette's demands was a makeover:

I loved how mean Bette was to Dot about it, claiming they were now a perfect "before and after" photo.

But it was the kind of obvious rivalry that Elsa was stoked to take advantage of! Next she was passing Dot a secret note, which Dot had to wait to read until Bette fell asleep, due to the whole telepathy thing. Anyway, it said basically what you'd imagine:

Oh man did I love that split-screen! I'm 100 percent positive it's a reference to some other movie, but doesn't matter, it was just so good.

A bit less good, at least for Meryl Streep's daughter, was this turn of events:

Claiming he couldn't have his daughter running off to join a freak show because it would hurt his sterling reputation as an electrician, he decided that forcibly disfiguring her was the kind of thing that people would probably be fine with:

Oh man, something about an involuntary face tattoo REALLY unsettles me. Like, that is particularly unpleasant, almost makes me hate this show a little. But I asked for more horror and I got it, so joke's on me. Anyway, now Meryl Streep's daughter has a full-face tattoo and forked tongue and it is NOT cute.

Meanwhile Elsa and Stanley had a dinner party where they talked about possibly murdering the twins.

But Bearded Lady was serving up more than just Jell-O mold, she was also serving Harriet the Spy realness. (Hair-iet the Spy? Still workshopping that one, nevermind.) Anyway she heard everything! Whoops, prepare for a reckoning, Elsa.

And here was Unwatchable Moment of Unpleasantness #2. Strong Man did what Maggie couldn't.

NOOOOOOOO. He killed Ma Petite! She was great! Always jumping out of pumpkins and gift boxes, playing the sh*t out of tiny violins and cymbals, doing a hell of a butterfly impression, and just generally being so chill about sitting in a macrame sack and getting cuddled by Elsa after Elsa sexed somebody. Man, Ma Petite was a treasure, and I did NOT need to see her getting crushed to death by Strong Man with her feet dangling like a ragdoll's. Mad at you, American Horror Story. Mad at you, Strong Man.

Meanwhile Paul finally saw his girlfriend's new summer style:

And that weird museum unveiled its newest attraction:

UGHHHHH. This makes my heart hurt and my stomach feel very unchill. Gonna miss you, girl.

"Test of Strength" had some great moments and some time-wasting moments but overall I'm still glad that AHS: Freak Show exists and remains unpredictably maddening and/or wonderful from week to week. I don't know. Let's see where this is all going. Maybe a big pay-off is coming! Fingers-crossed.

BYEE

QUESTIONS

... What will you miss more, Ma Petite or Meryl Streep's daughter's old face?

... Is Strong Man an anti-hero or a villain?

... Is Kathy Bates going to mess Elsa up good now?

... Do you also come from a long line of Lobster Men?