AHS: Freak Show "Blood Bath" Review: Squashed and Beheaded (PHOTO RECAP)

American Horror Story S04E08: "Blood Bath"

According to scientists, absence makes the heart grow fonder. But ignore the jargon for a second; what that phrase means in layman's terms is that sometimes we grow too used to things and that prevents us from fully appreciating them. Sometimes you need a week off, and sometimes that week should be spent in uncomfortably close quarters with your extended family, watching majority-voted television programs or 24-hour cable news networks. And those are ideal circumstances to really and truly start missing American Horror Story: Freak Show. While it's unfair to judge a season before it's over—as we learned this week, a season's fireworks are often back-loaded—I think a lot of us were getting the sense that perhaps Freak Show was the fourth-best season of this franchise so far. But we should have expected that, despite some slow middle-season episodes, it would still have a few tricks up its sleeve. To wit: "Blood Bath" straight-up murdered two huge characters. We're talking characters important to the story, but also ones played by actresses who've grown essential to the AHS franchise as a whole. Add to that some new events that finally create an everyone-for-themselves battle dynamic, some laugh-out-loud moments, an Angela Bassett plotline that's actually befitting her talents, and, of course, #butts, and "Blood Bath" did a lot to knock this season back on course.

This episode was very good and we should talk about it!

We started off in a psychiatrist's office, where Mrs. Mott was smoking and lamenting that her son was a major psycho. She even provided examples!

My favorite part was when the doc asked if Dandy had done anything recently to suggest he's still psycho at this present time, and of course she flashed back to the time he murdered Patti LaBelle, but then instead of citing that example she just answered that she had "a mother's intuition" about it. I laughed so hard. Frances Conroy is maximum great. Anyway, we never got to see the psychiatrist's face, which is either a set-up for a big reveal later, or simply a stylistic decision because his identity isn't important. I kinda hope it's the latter. Unless he's played by, like, Chris Zylka or whatever. Then I'd be okay with it.

Meanwhile everyone noticed that Ma Petite was missing! So Jimmy took a bloodhound into the swamps and came across the tattered remains of one of Ma Petite's dresses.

Elsa didn't take it well.

But the Bearded Lady had HAD IT with dead and/or disappearing friends, and after having overheard Elsa plotting to murder the twins, she became convinced that Elsa was also behind Ma Petite's disappearance. Next thing we knew she was in Elsa's tent accusing her of murder for about 12 straight minutes!

And even though this was the one murder that Elsa WASN'T involved with, Ethel arrived packing heat and even shot Elsa in her wooden leg!

To her credit, Ethel had no idea that Elsa was legless, so then Elsa showed her some flashbacks of the time she was rescued from the snuff film and a kindly Italian surgeon named Axeman (or whatever) helped her out.

But Elsa's sob story wasn't enough to assuage Ethel's suspicions, and she was ready to murder-suicide them both. She'd even written a note!

Of course, Elsa wasn't about to go quietly.

Awww rest in peace, Bearded Lady. I realize this series of funny screengrab make-'em-ups portrays the scene in a comic light, but really it came down to the sad, emotional, devastating performance by Kathy Bates. Ethel was hurting and felt super betrayed by Elsa, someone she'd considered her only family, and people had gotten hurt as a result. So yes, it was maybe the longest scene in AHS history, but it was also the perfect swan song for this character and another celebration of how remarkable these actresses are. Credit where credit's due: Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk write material for women unlike anybody else. It's no wonder so many legends want to be on AHS. Anyway, bye Ethel!

Next: Page 2

(Continued from Page 1)

So then word began to spread about Ethel's death, and it had already changed a lot from how WE had seen it go down.

For one thing, it now involved a countryside car wreck and apparently intentional decapitation involving a chain. Also Maggie was definitely lying about having witnessed it. But, of course, as we learned in flashback, this was all just a cover-up for Elsa's crime. It was pretty funny when Elsa asked Stanley why he was so cool about staging a decapitation for her and he just answered that that's what Hollywood agents do and she accepted it. Accurate!

Part of me was like, wow, decapitating yourself using a chain tied to a tree and a speeding car is a very unusual way to commit suicide, but then I remembered this was Ethel we were talking about. She was creative and she had a lot of moxie. So yeah, people pretty much immediately accepted this explanation. "That's so Ethel," they were all thinking.

Oh, look who showed up at the Mott household!

It was Patti LaBelle's daughter, Gabourey Sidibe! Gabourey Sidibe had grown tired of not being able to contact her mother, Patti LaBelle, so she decided to come looking for her. But of course Patti LaBelle had been murdered and buried under the daffodils, so Mrs. Mott had to come up with an explanation for her absence toot sweet, and of course it involved squash and candelabras. A perfect excuse, in other words.

Back at the freak show it was funeral time, and this makeshift swamp graveyard was growing fuller by the day.

(Will they move the bodies once their circus leaves town, or will they have to always return to Jupiter to visit the graves of Ethel and Meep? I think about stuff.)

Jimmy was especially wrecked about it all, obviously. But the best was when, after most everybody had cleared out, Desiree started getting all angry about how powerless the women had started to feel.

And thus an all-female brigade of vigilante crimebusters was born. A freak girl gang! They were three and a half members strong and they were PISSED.

Then there was another scene with the unseen psychologist (who is probably Axeman, I get it), but this time it was Dandy's turn to get analyzed. He did what you'd expect: looked at inkblots and described horrible violence before proclaiming he was bored. But it all just mostly made him infuriated at his mom for sending him there. Uh-oh, pyscho trouble in psycho paradise. And the return of an angry Gabourey Sidibe was NOT helping matters. WHERE was her mother Patti LaBelle??

To punish his mother for, I guess, sending him to therapy, Dandy decided that she now had to do his bidding. Item #1 on his to-do list?

That's right, Mrs. Mott now had to murder Gabourey Sidibe! Don't do it!

Meanwhile Elsa had skipped Ethel's funeral so that she could go recruitin'. A freak scout's job is never done.

Also, in case you want to know how to convince an obese woman to join your circus, it involves eating a Baby Ruth in front of her.

Meet Barbara, a wealthy socialite with a glandular problem. Or, as Elsa rechristened her, Ima Wiggler, a face-stuffing gargantuess. If we're being honest Barbara should probably not go live at the freak show, there's not a great survival rate there these days. But of course Elsa kept mum about all that.

Next: Page 3

(Continued from Page 2)

Meanwhile it was murderin' time! And just FYI from now on this is the only proper way to say "let's go":

Especially the leaving-the-room part. Man, Angela Bassett is perfect. Have you ever noticed how perfect Angela Bassett is? Even Plato would be like, "Whoa, too perfect."

So anyway, the ladies set their plan in motion, and off they went to infiltrate the home of Meryl Streep's daughter's evil dad's house!

After Legless Suzy crept through an open window and unlocked the front door, Penny confronted her dear father.

And then Angela Bassett jumped out of a closet and hit him over the head with a deer hoof! A classic sneak attack. For anybody keeping score, that is the way I would like to go. I know I've said in the past that I want to get Final Destination'd at Michael's, but can it also involve Angela Bassett jumping out of the closet and hitting me in the head with a deer hoof? Santa, are you listening?

Back at the camp Jimmy was kinda weirded out by Elsa's newest performer.

Elsa raised a good point. But Jimmy was still too bummed about no longer being able to nuzzle Ethel's bosom anymore to be stoked about nuzzling some stranger's bosom. You know?

Now it was time for Penny's dad to finally get his comeuppance! In this case his comeuppance involved hot tar and feathers.

But before the gang could go through with their plan of cutting off his junk and shooting him in the head, a total wet blanket showed up and shamed everybody.

I mean, I get that Maggie is slowly morphing into a good person, but she's already been involved in one murder and was an accessory to a second, so maybe she shouldn't judge? Like, sure, she felt guilty and was maybe projecting her "it changes you" fears onto Penny, but hypocrisy is hypocrisy.

Anyway, Maggie's shaming sesh worked, so Penny decided to let her dad live. But I was all mad because this girl-gang plotline was one of the best things about this season so far and now it's over? Please don't say it's over. A girl gang of freaks roaming the town exacting vigilante justice is EXACTLY what this season needs more of!

Oh, then came this part. Dandy refused to go back to therapy and an exhausted Mrs. Mott finally admitted that after years of unconditional love she was finally spent.

But before she could get out a gun and shoot somebody, Dandy revealed that he'd taken it!

But she pleaded with him not to commit suicide, so that left Option #2.

And just like that, Frances Conroy was killed off of Freak Show! I mean, knowing this show, she might still appear as a sort of Norma Bates figure, but what is the point without her excellent one-liners? I am STILL laughing about the Roosevelt Family joke ("Don't you EVER say that name in this house!"). But yeah, by killing off both Kathy Bates AND Frances Conroy, Freak Show proved it means business! However, in the context of the deaths of Twisty, Naked Matt Bomer, and Ma Petite, this season may be killing off all the best characters too soon? I'm concerned. But while we're on the subject, we know that Jessica Lange may not return for Season 5, so may I suggest a Frances Conroy-centric season finally? Or Angela Bassett, obviously. Either one. Both? A guy can dream.

Back at camp, there was more drama going down.

Yep, Maggie and Jimmy broke up! And before we knew it he was nuzzling Ima's bosom. As he do.

Then, #butts.

Oh, THAT'S why this episode was called "Blood Bath"! I figured it had to do with all the murders. But no, there was going to be a literal blood bath later. I should've known. Anyway, yes Dandy bathed in his mother's blood, which seems like a lot of work in my opinion. First he had to drag that bath tub into the play room, then he had to drain her body, which probably took a while and involved pulleys. By that time it wouldn't even be warm! Still, Dandy looked very zen, so I guess it was worth it.

"Blood Bath" may not have had the twists and turns we've come to expect of this series, but what it DID have was tons of shocking murders, which I suppose counts. And while it's tempting to find it a mixed blessing that great characters (and actresses) might no longer be on the show, I think anything that gets a rise out of us is worth it. Things finally seem to be happening! Hard to be mad about that. And there's still five episodes' worth of carnage to unfurl, so I'm hopeful that Freak Show can build off of this momentum. Crab-claws crossed!

BYE

QUESTIONS:

... Whom will you miss more, Kathy Bates or Frances Conroy?

... Is Dandy dangerous?

... Have you ever been tarred, feathered, or both?

... What did the Roosevelts do to earn the Motts' disdain?