AHS: Freak Show "Orphans" Review: The Last Temptation of Pepper (PHOTO RECAP)

American Horror Story S04E10: "Orphans"

When people mistakenly cite Murder House as American Horror Story's best season, I always redirect them to Asylum, the increasingly undeniable crown jewel in Ryan Murphy's finest headdress. Whereas Murder House only seemed to figure out what it was supposed to be (let alone how it should be filmed and edited) halfway through the season, Asylum arrived fully formed, just jam-packed with intention and ambition. Some would argue (as I occasionally did) that its tone was almost too unpleasant to be entertaining, but there's no denying it: THAT was horror. Coven was, minute-by-minute, the most hilarious and engaging season, but its story felt too loose and sprawling to effect the same impact as Asylum's focused moments of emotional devastation. Still though, Asylum DID afford moments of humor and weirdness—"The Name Game" scene alone was one of the most wonderful scenes in TV history, which is saying something considering it sprung out of a truly horrible scenario.

In that same vein, the Pepper character stood out as something that would become an AHS trademark: Differently abled characters initially presented as aesthetic decoration but later revealed to be complex, sympathetic human beings with furiously beating hearts. We had a lot of fun with Pepper back in those days—I bordered on obsession with her—and that very easily could've been attributed to how strange and audacious her presence was in that grim world of institutionalized sadism. She was a bright spot and at the same time so peculiar. What was her deal even? WAS she actually a baby-killer who deserved to be locked up? Flash-forward two years IRL and Freak Show decided to take a break from its aimless murder buffet to actually give Pepper the episode we needed. And, guys? This episode WRECKED me. Yes, an episode about a character who can barely speak and seems mostly comprised of rubber prosthetics moved me more than almost anything I've seen on TV this year. A lot of that was due to Naomi Grossman's next-level performance. Can you imagine trying to do any kind of acting under all that makeup, let alone flawless, wordless emoting? She was truly great in "Orphans," great in a way I maybe never expected but should have. What a master stroke casting someone with a background in improv comedy to play such an over-the-top character, but the truly inspired part was AHS's writers transforming Pepper into one the most tragic characters of the franchise's entire run. "Orphans" was extremely wonderful. I'm still devastated.

Let's talk about it!

Uh, the episode BEGAN with Pepper clinging to an already-dead Salty, whom she'd discovered dead in his bed (of natural causes, for once).

I mean. Six seconds in and I'm crying. She tried to wake him up with his favorite toy!

It had apparently been days since Pepper's soulmate had died and people were starting to get a little freaked out.

Fortunately Stanley offered to help out...

Ugh, Stanley. That elephant-penised jerk. But whereas Stanley was up to his usually shady business, the circumstances of Salty's death actually served to bring out the best in almost everyone. The biggest revelation was how affected Elsa was, as we learned just how profound and deep her connection to Pepper was.

And then there was this moment, when Desiree read The Velveteen Rabbit to Pepper:

On its surface: What a weird scenario! A three-breasted Angela Bassett reading a bedtime story to a grown pinhead woman in a dirty circus tent. But then why did it hurt my heart so much? Say what you will about this series or this season in particular, but we CARE about these people. The actresses for sure, but also the characters. While she's no Marie Laveau, Desiree is increasingly becoming an incredible force. She's strong and no-nonsense but then there're these moments of sincere love that make her truly likable. I really loved this scene when she tried to leave to go perform in the show and Pepper threw a fit:

Desiree looked genuinely anguished before getting it together and telling Pepper to "clean all this shit up!" Oh man, exactly. Desiree for President. (Pepper for Vice President).

So back to Elsa, she then treated Desiree to a story about the time she adopted Pepper. Back when Elsa was younger and slightly more CGI'd, she was sort of a German-accented Nomi Malone, just sort of tripping other showgirls and getting ambitious about stardom.

But then one time she was working at a sideshow and realized that when WWII started the draft would leave behind only "freaks," and so that's the kind of show she should put on. So the next thing we knew, she was window-shopping for pinheads.

Even though Pepper was a grown woman, a local orphanage was letting her live there, and it wasn't long before Elsa was winning her over by stacking blocks and playing GIANT checkers with her.

Then when Elsa tried to adopt her the orphanage was like, "Uh, just take her."

Thus a family was born! But then Pepper started wanting to be a mommy or whatever, so Elsa made her next acquisition:

Yes, that's Ma Petite on a leash, why do you ask?

But her owners would not sell her...

Until, of course, Elsa offered them three crates of Dr. Pepper and it was GAME ON.

So that solved the problem of Pepper wanting a child (even though Ma Petite is a 20-year-old woman), but the next problem was that Pepper was reaaaal horny. Fortunately Elsa had a solution for that too:

Aw, Pepper and Salty fell in love at first sight and got married! Definite a happily-ever-after scenario, except for then Salty died and now Pepper was devastated and despondent. But that's always where everything's going, isn't it? Sorry Pepper, life is a prank sometimes.

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Oh, would you like to know how Desiree fell in love with Theo Huxtable?

[NSFW?] Anyway, even though Dell had tried to apologize to Desiree for being a piece of sh*t, she was basically like, "You're a homosexual, Stephen" (Real World deep cut), and they parted ways amicably. Which meant she was now free to go off and live in a white picket-fenced yard and make babies with Theo Huxtable.

Except Maggie gave them a super mean "reading" mostly because she was bummed that Jimmy had dumped her and then humped a fat lady and then gone to jail. That is the kind of thing that would cloud any fortune teller's judgment. So then Desiree went and confronted Maggie on the carousel and Maggie just sort of immediately 'fessed up about her true identity.

We even got a glimpse into how she and Stanley had initially met. And yes, it involved a sort of Just One of the Guys meets Newsies situation.

Classic con artistry. But Desiree was not impressed by Maggie's admissions and even threatened to personally murder Maggie if she found out that the mysterious deaths and disappearances around camp were con-artist-related.

Wuh-oh!

But Maggie was about to be truly pushed to her breaking point when she went back into her tent and was guilt-tripped by a pair of conjoined twins into getting Jimmy out of jail.

They even offered up their life savings to Maggie so that she could go be the face of their operation.

Meanwhile, Jimmy was in jail receiving a very untrustworthy visitor!

He pretended to sympathize with Jimmy's plight and offered to get him a lawyer in exchange for simply all of his and Ethel's money and worldly possessions. But alas...

But Stanley had a brainstorm.

Now, obviously it seemed like the whip-pan to Jimmy's crotch meant that Stanley was after some lobster dick, but it turned out he was pointing at Jimmy's hands! Which, if you think about it, is basically the same thing.

So then in a scene that for some reason was filmed in one dizzying, camera-spinning take to rival the one from True Detective, Desiree prepared a roast while Maggie explanined that she was even more of a bad person than previously admitted.

It seemed like Maggie was now on the confession train and it was full-steam ahead. Desiree seemed about half-interested, but that was enough to take a several-hours-long road trip, anyway. We've all done more for less.

So, here's a surprisingly heartbreaking irony: Elsa decided that Pepper was better off with actual blood relatives than the carnies, but in attempting to do the first decent and selfless thing she'd done all season, she actually sentenced Pepper to the worst fate imaginable. Still though, it was undeniably touching to see Elsa use her powers for what she felt was good. In this case, convincing a clearly disinterested long-lost sister to take Pepper in.

And yes, the sister was played by Mare Winningham, whom you may remember as Frankeenteen's incestuous mom from Coven or from her roughly one million TV and film credits. She is great. And as despicable as this character was, Mare Winningham was SO GOOD playing her.

And this was very difficult to watch: Pepper begging Elsa not to leave her there.

And then Elsa tearfully promising her that no matter how much distance there is between them, they'll always be family. I meannnn I'm basically crying right now also, cool. This season makes a big deal of how Elsa's troupe was a chosen family, but we could understand in this moment that Pepper was the closest thing Elsa's ever had to a daughter. Ouch my ribcage, it feels like there's a flaming pinecone in there, get it outta meee.

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Meanwhile Maggie brought Desiree to the world's worst museum, which had surprises in store for them both!

Not just the corpse of Ma Petite and Salty's head, but just take a gander at the museum's newest acquisition:

UH-OH. Did Stanley chop off Jimmy's hands or was this just misdirection? Either way, Maggie looked rightfully devastated. But in my opinion if Stanley tried to make a quick buck here, that was like killing the golden goose. Just imagine all the money Jimmy's hands were bringing in courtesy of the horny housewives! I don't know. Poor Jimmy, though.

So probably the centerpiece of the episode was the return of Lily Rabe as Sister Mary Eunice. It was at this point that "Orphans" basically ended and we were treated to a 20-minute standalone explaining how Pepper ended up in Briarcliff. As we suspected, she was wrongfully accused of infanticide, among other things, by her extremely awful sister.

This was 10 years later, by the way (in case you were wondering how Sister Mary Eunice could appear the same age as before), so that meant Pepper had spent a fair amount of time at her sister's doing the dishes and getting berated and, later, raising the deformed child that her sister had created.

Man, it was really tough to see this woman shout at Pepper to bring her more martinis while Pepper was holding the baby. So stressful. But eventually the husband decided to cut to the chase and "kill two birds with one stone."

Again, in a truly disturbing scene, he locked Pepper out of the room while he stabbed his own child to death. Obviously infanticide is just a bad time in general, but what I failed to realize until this episode was that Pepper really and truly loved that baby, almost as if it were her own. So, again, if you like your horror mixed with emotional devastation, this was definitely the episode for you.

Man, the look on Pepper's face when she was being dragged away. I realize the Emmys are horsesh*t, but can Naomi Grossman please get nominated for something, ANYTHING? Everything?

And then guess where we went!

Man if Pepper didn't think she was crazy yet, just wait until she sees how familiar all the other inmates and nuns' faces will look. But anyway, even though Sister Mary Eunice completely believed the evil sister who'd accused Pepper of murdering a baby, there was this really special moment of transcendence that sort of explained why Pepper ended up being treated well in Briarcliff.

All destroyed and confused, Pepper simply said "baby" and Sister Mary Eunice immediately understood that Pepper was "redeemable" if not actually innocent and pure of soul already.

I'm not even sure if it was intentional, but of course we'll find out later that Sister Mary Eunice is very susceptible to demonic possession, so what if this was a moment in which she became possessed by Grace or whatever? I don't know, I'm not a theologist anymore, but what I do know is that Pepper suddenly had a friend.

And then, oh man. And then this happened when Pepper started her first day as asylum library organizer.

I JUST.

I mean.

Guys?

What is even going on with us? Why are we crying? You're crying, I'm crying. We're crying about a woman in rubber makeup looking at a picture of Jessica Lange in a hooker wig photoshopped onto the cover of Life Magazine. But I DON'T CARE. Over four years we've come to know and love AHS's characters, actresses, and dynamics, and especially the glimpses of emotional sincerity the show occasionally unveils. Yes this season has been a southern-fried soap at heart, but whenever AHS sprinkles these moments of sheer humanity into its cauldron of turmoil, it always lands like a sucker punch. Sorry for all the mixed metaphors but poor Pepper!!

But also, look at that magazine cover: Elsa actually DOES become TV famous. It was exactly the kind of flash-forward that will make the remaining three episodes more amazing. If you recall, Asylum REALLY became poignant when we saw a glimpse of Lana's post-asylum life, so we're now at the same exciting time in Freak Show where things will either turn out well or really terribly for these people, but either way, things are gonna HAPPEN. All right, show. Let's do this.

Happy holidays, friends. Let's meet up again in January!

BYE

QUESTIONS:

... Naomi Grossman, am I right?

... Did Jimmy really sell his hands?

... Is Desiree about to sort everybody out?

... How many cases of Dr. Pepper are YOU worth?