AHS: Freak Show "Tupperware Party Massacre" Review: Butt Seriously, Freaks (PHOTO RECAP)
American Horror Story S04E09 "Tupperware Party Massacre"
Imagine being part of the cast of a huge cable drama. Go ahead, I'll wait. Nice, right? Cool gig. Now imagine that in order to be on the show, you had to pack up and move your entire life to the deep South for, like, a long time, and you've really made it your home. You're renting a house, you've made friends, you've found all the best rib joints, you're doing some of the best work of your career. And then you suddenly get word that your character's going to be killed off in the next episode. There's a reason that a certain Walking Dead cast member was borderline sobbing on Talking Dead recently after his or her character was killed off: It wasn't just sadness over the character's death, it was also the huge life change the character's death would represent for the actor. But unlike with most other shows, getting killed off on American Horror Story doesn't necessarily guarantee that an actor has to move back to L.A. just yet. Over the past few weeks, several major characters have been slaughtered in myriad ways, but if any of us has lamented not getting to see Frances Conroy or Kathy Bates or Jyoti Amge again, we underestimated this show's fondness for corpse puppets, disapproving ghosts, and tiny haters. Congratulations to not only those actors for getting to hang around in Louisiana a bit longer, but mostly to us: Death doesn't always mean goodbye!
Between the insane murders and tons of bare #butts, "Tupperware Party Massacre" already had the makings of a great episode, but it was also the most powerful and emotional installment of the season so far. So good. Let's talk about it!
It would make sense that Dandy believes in psychic phenomena, QED he'd probably want to make sure the local psychic is NOT onto him. So here we were in Maggie's tent where she gazed into her crystal ball and did not see these awful things Dandy had done. Which now includes this incident with an Avon lady!
Note to Avon ladies: Do not visit the Mott mansion on crafting day.
This was Frances Conroy's favorite day of work, believe it.
Dandy seemed pretty stoked that Maggie had such nice things to say about his aura or whatever, so he slipped her a Benjamin all creepily.
Meanwhile outside the tent this was happening:
Jimmy had turned into a feeder! Which basically meant that he was lustily shoveling food into Ida's mouth and slapping her on the hindquarters while two physically unusual people watched with confusion. In other words, Jimmy was drunk.
And you better believe that Drunk Jimmy was NOT happy about seeing Dandy gallivanting around the circus grounds, so he really gave him the what for!
We could tell by the way Dandy sneered into his rear view mirror that Jimmy was cruising for a bruising. But how? Stay tuned.
Then Malcolm Jamal-Warner showed up to flirt with Desiree.
But nevermind that, because this happened right after:
Oh, Jimmy. The best part was that even after he saw that Maggie and Desiree had walked in on his sensual moment with Ida, he just sort of kept humpin' on her. Deal w/ it, world. For her part Maggie did look kinda hurt about it, and Jimmy sorta looked like he regretted it, but that could have just been the wine coolers talking. In related news there was a good chance that Ida was glad she moved here.
Meanwhile remember that whole plotline from earlier in the season when Jimmy was a boy hooker who specialized in giving housewives the shocker? Consider this scene a necessary follow-up!
Apparently Jimmy was too drunk to make magic happen with these ladies, but he was just drunk enough to be hallucinate the image of his disapproving mother.
Now to be fair, the scene between Drunk Jimmy and Hallucinated Kathy Bates was very sad and poignant. But much like the scene in Ghost when Demi Moore kissed Patrick Swayze and it was impossible to forget she was actually kissing Whoopi Goldberg, I couldn't forget that Jimmy was nuzzling a stranger's bosom. Still though, the guy had tons of sadness and regret to work through, in my opinion. Sad stuff.
So obviously, drunkenly nuzzling and calling a stranger "Mama" is a faux pas at Tupperware hooker parties, so Jimmy ran right out of there! But upon leaving, another guest arrived.
Wuh-oh. What was Dandy doing there? Watch out, ladies!
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Meanwhile Elsa and Stanley tracked down the twins, who'd whom had been spirited away by Ethel before she had been knifed in the face and beheaded. And even though Elsa and Stanley weren't TOTALLY on the same page, the book was still titled Let's Trick Them Into Being Chopped in Half.
Now, obviously the twins are gullible as f*ck, but to Bette's credit, she DID suspect that maybe a de-twinning operating that would partly take place in a remote tool shed and be conducted by an unknown doctor would not be the best plan for them.
But Dot was definitely 'BOUT IT. Classic Dot.
Meanwhile do you want to know what had happened with that whole Dandy-visits-horny-housewives scenario? Not much! Just kidding, much. Much happened.
That indoor pool has seen better days, let's be real. It's going to need a draining at the very least, and you'd better believe the plaster will need a scrubbing. Not my job!
Meanwhile Gabourey Sidibe was still looking for her mother, Patti LaBelle, so she decided to confront Dandy about it one last time. And rudely enough, she arrived just as he was about to bathe in human blood, jeez.
To Gabourey Sidible's credit, Dandy did not seem to want to murder her due to her being one of his oldest play pals. But that didn't mean she loved the idea of his having murdered her mother, Patti LaBelle, and then shouting at her with his junk waving around like a whirligig. (What is a whirligig? Does it look like a wildly spinning penis?)
Anyway, her lack of enthusiasm about Dandy's vibe resulted in him just letting her leave. Then he got to ranting about being a god, straight-up Kanye-style.
Sigh. That was such a good scene, right? What a show.
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This scene basically made me cry:
It was the night before their illegal toolshed operation and the Tattler sisters reminisced about what a good team they'd been and how the world had no idea how many things they'd been able to learn and accomplish despite their physical limitations. And that's when Bette went and got REAL.
And thus, with that extremely poignant admission, Dot realized how much she loved her sister. See, sometimes all it takes to remind someone that they love you is an open offer of suicide! But yeah, still crying here. Sarah Paulson is truly a sorceress and I for one am relieved she decided to use her abilities for good.
Then Stanley whipped out his junk and started slapping it in the Strong Man's general direction.
But because the Strong Man couldn't figure out if he was sad, offended, or horny, he pulled a Lydia Deetz.
And much like in Beetlejuice, there were some meddling ghosts hanging around!
And then he went and hanged himself! Like for real! Swinging around his trailer and whatnot. But to be honest he immediately came to regret having attempted to solve temporary problems with a permanent solution, so just as he was blacking out we heard a familiar sexy cooing noise.
Desiree had cut him down! And she seemed genuinely sad and concerned for him as he lay sobbing on the ground, saying he was sorry. Pathos! Aw, now we're rooting for you, big guy.
Meanwhile Stanley was doing some much-needed rehearsing for his twin-separation surgery charade.
At first I found it pretty funny that Stanley was going to pass off a hunky hooker for a surgeon, but then I remembered that the twins suffer from what doctors might call "maximum horniness" and concluded that they would've definitely fallen for it. So overall this entire scheme was very perfect so far.
Later at the Mott mansion, Gabourey Sidibe arrived with a police detective as promised.
But in a highly amusing twist, Dandy did not deny being a psycho killer at all! Nope, instead he owned up to everything and also busted out his trump card. (What is a trump card? Does it also resemble a wildly spinning penis? If so, forget it.)
And then the police detective murdered Gabourey Sidibe, no questions asked! Now, I will not lie to you, I do not like to see bad things happen to Gabourey Sidibe. I prefer to see good things happen to her, like for example when she has sensual adventures with minotaurs. But at the same time this was a very shocking and interesting twist. And again, like I've been saying, maybe this is not the last time we've seen her. If Frances Conroy can be brought back as a lifeless, double-headed corpse puppet, then anybody can. Anyway, rest in peace, Gabourey Sidibe, loving daughter of Patti LaBelle!
Also, in a truly erotic turn of events, guess who was waiting in Drunk Jimmy's trailer?
It was Dot and Bette, come to finally bare their feelings and breasts to Jimmy! But mostly Dot, as Bette was just there to be an almost literal wingman.
And for a minute there it seemed like the world's most awkward three-way was about to commence!
Except nope! Not even Drunk Jimmy was drunk enough for this.
His excuse was that his heart belonged to another, someone whom I'm guessing is Maggie, but don't quote me on that. To her credit Dot pretty much just sucked it up and thanked him for his time and it came off as a mostly empowering moment despite the crippling heartache. In other words: Progress! Dot and Bette were more self-actualized than ever, so that's a good thing, right? Also Jimmy probably tasted like puke, no me gusta. Well, sorta me gusta, I mean come on.
But Jimmy's night was about to go from weird to annoying as the police detective showed up and arrested him for Dandy's Tupperware party massacre!
THAT's how Dandy got back at Jimmy Darling, by getting him arrested for murdering all those horny housewives and pushing them into the pool! Diabolical.
And the episode ended with the image of Jimmy's friends looking angry and militant about this police corruption. Will they get even? Personally I am counting on it. Get 'em, Pepper!
"Tupperware Party Massacre" was jam-packed with crazy moments, devastating heartache, and #butts and was therefore one of the best episodes of the season. Believe it, dudettes.
BYE
QUESTIONS:
... Which dead character would you like to see more of?
... Would you date and/or be best friends with Dandy? Be honest.
... Are Gabourey Sidibe and Patti LaBelle hugging in heaven?
... What is Theo Huxtable even UP TO?
