Amanda Bynes Has Been Hospitalized

The Atlantic
Amanda Bynes Has Been Hospitalized
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Amanda Bynes Has Been Hospitalized

Today in celebrity gossip: Amanda Bynes was taken into custody after setting one gasoline fire too many; Beyoncé lets a fan do her hair; and Lady Gaga is Forbes' top-earning celebrity under 30.

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Sure, it can be amusing when a seemingly unhinged starlet floods Twitter with crazy every few minutes, but it's quite a bit more worrisome when she begins igniting gasoline fires in neighbors' driveways. On Monday evening, America's top-rated slow-motion tragedy Amanda Bynes was taken into custody in Thousand Oaks after trespassing into her parents' neighbor's driveway and setting ablaze an unspecified amount of gasoline. Eyewitness reports differ, but one person claims Bynes attempted to explode a gasoline canister like a molotov cocktail while another claims he found the bewigged 27-year-old lying in the driveway with her leg on fire. Even more distressingly, Bynes' Pomeranian had apparently become soaked in gasoline as well, as security camera footage from a local liquor store showed her racing inside to somehow rinse off the poor animal. When police finally tracked Bynes down, her bizarre behavior was enough to warrant a 5150 hold, or an involuntary hospitalization for 72 hours of mental evaluation. (Those with elephant memories may recall that Britney Spears was once put in a 5150 hold during her particular rock bottom.) But anyway, yeah. There is not much that is terribly funny about this story except all of it but really none of it. Please get better, girl. [TMZTMZTMZ]

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In more lighthearted news (assuming somebody's head getting caught in machinery is lighthearted), Beyoncé got her hair stuck in a wind-machine! Yep, during a recent concert in Montreal--and right in the middle of "Halo"!--the erstwhile Sasha Fierce suddenly found her weave wound up in the blades of the very machine responsible for bringing that weave to life throughout the show. A bitter irony indeed. As Beyoncé's entourage raced to cut her loose, Mrs. Carter had no choice but to continue killing it, missing not a single beat of that angelic masterpiece. In other news, exiled original Destiny's Child member LaTavia Roberson just finished the first day of her practical voodoo course over at the Learning Annex. [TMZ]

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It's not clear if this was a colossal oversight or a mean-spirited scheme, but Penelope Cruz gave birth on Monday—the same day as the Kate Middleton. Whether or not Cruz and her husband Javier Bardem were attempting to intentionally steal the spotlight from the Royal Baby is unclear. What is clear is that they failed, and failed hard. Nobody knew or cared about non-Royal babies on that day, Cruz's included. Nice try, Penelope Cruz. Despite this abortive attempt by untrustworthy Spaniards to upstage the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, experts now caution that the Cruz-Bardem child could potentially grow up to become a dark döppelganger to the Royal Baby, the perpetual shadow to its radiant light, tailing and seducing the future king at every turn. Beware, child! [Page Six]

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Hey look, it's Forbes' annual Top-Earning Celebrities Under 30 list! The perfect thing for those of us who love a quick excuse to plunge into stress depression. Despite not having a recent album out and also spending much of the year recuperating from hip surgery, Lady Gaga out-earned all her peers, handily beating out both Justin Bieber (#2) and Taylor Swift (#3). Katy Perry at #6 made nearly $40M, much of it Pop Chips money probably. And have you heard of #4 Calvin Harris? No, of course you haven't. (He's a DJ and producer of #5 Rihanna's "We Found Love.") Harris made $46M this year! Also he's incredibly handsome, which may or may not bum you out, depending on your self-image these days. Out of the Top 10, only the bottom 3 are actors: Jennifer Lawrence, Kristen Stewart, and Taylor Lautner who made $22M on the strength of his Twilight Saga residuals and a cameo appearance in Grown Ups 2. So, you know. Maybe don't be too jealous. [Forbes]

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Serious question: Is it socially acceptable to critique somebody's gravestone? Like, assess its aesthetics, its features, the creative decisions that went into it? Critiquing a gravestone shouldn't be considered disrespectful to the deceased, right? It's just a gravestone, we've all seen them. Plus, life is for the living, you know? But seriously, it's not, like, monstrous, to express dissatisfaction with somebody's gravestone, is it? The reason I ask is because Whitney Houston's gravestone was recently unveiled and it, uh, well. Hmmm. How do I put this? It's terrible. Sorry, Whitney! It is out of the utmost respect that I say that you do not deserve that red marble, that bizarre shape, nor an etching of your face from the cover of your bad comeback album nor a song lyric that somebody else had already made famous. You deserve something classy and elegant, not something that looks like a paperweight you can buy at the gas station. There, I said it! I said it and now I feel terrible. What a terrible feeling! What have I done? Forget I said anything, guys. Sorry. [E! Online]

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