Angelina Jolie Ruins Jennifer Aniston's Happiness Once Again

The Atlantic
Angelina Jolie Ruins Jennifer Aniston's Happiness Once Again
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Angelina Jolie Ruins Jennifer Aniston's Happiness Once Again

Why can she never win?? Poor Jennifer Aniston, lonely lady of Los Angeles, scorned bride and future crone. All she wants to do is marry Justin Theroux as planned, but of course then her ex, Brad Pitt, had to go and make plans to marry Angelina Jolie this summer, thus ruining everything. So Aniston is pushing back her wedding plans, it's said, to an unknown time, in the fear that the two events will be associated. So tragic. Jennifer Aniston just cannot get a break. Everything is so terrible for her, as she renovates her $21 million Bel Air mansion with her handsome, fit screenwriter/actor fiance. How will she ever get out of this terrible vortex of misery and despair, the wash cycle she's been in since her man Brad left her all them years ago? I just can't imagine. Now delaying a wedding like a common hobo. Delaying a wedding! Can you imagine anything worse in this world? It's amazing she can even wake up in the morning, the poor thing. The poor, poor thing. [Us Weekly]

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Are Jennifer Lawrence and Nicholas Hoult back together? The young X-Men: First Class costars dated for a while but then supposedly broke up, only now they've been spotted out together, leading some to believe that maybe they're back on the up-and-up. They had dinner at a place called The Little Door in Los Angeles on Monday night, an "eyewitness" telling People, "It looked like a date." Ha, but then that sentence is directly followed by People saying, "though they weren't openly affectionate." Which... Hm. OK. Then how do we know it was a date? Because I've definitely seen people I know at dinner before, like a girl I know out with some guy, and thought it was a date and said something to her later ("I didn't want to interrupt you! He's cute!") only to find out that it was most certainly not a date. One time it was her brother. So, what do we even know about this? Hardly anything. I guess we know that they dated before, that does make things a bit more serious, but other than that? We have no evidence that this was a date. We can't trust this "eyewitness." The eyewitness could be some sad manager trying to get publicity for his restaurant. This is all nonsense. It's almost as if this whole celebrity gossip industry is complete made-up nonsense. Almost. [People]

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Oh, dear. Naomi Campbell and her beloved Russian billionaire boyfriend are taking a break. One source tells Page Six that they're actually completely over, while another says "Naomi and Vlad have a complex relationship, and sometimes break up and make up." So who knows! The important thing is that we don't worry about Naomi Campbell. Yes, she has probably spent a lot of her money defending herself in court after hurling various communication devices at various maids, but she's still completely solvent, financially speaking. She has her show The Face, on the Oxygen network, and of course she still models. Which is not to imply that she was dating this shifty Russian oligarch solely for the fact that he's richer than Croesus. I'm sure they were very much in love. But I'm just saying that in case you were worried about what Naomi was going to do, how she's going to keep herself in yachts and lavish Indian birthday parties, then don't worry. She's wealthy on her own. She's going to be fine, no matter what. Even if she doesn't have access to Grand Duchess Anastasia's secret gold, as she once did. Don't worry. Naomi Campbell lands on her feet. [Page Six]

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Lindsay Lohan and Tara Reid are not friends. Just making that clear. Or rather, Tara Reid is just making that clear. She was on TMZ on TV yesterday or some nightmare, and she said the following: "We don't really like each other that much. If I get drunk, I'm a happy drunk. When she gets drunk, she's just mean." Well, first... "If," Tara? Come on with "If." Second thing, why is Tara Reid doing this? I know that her career is not exactly where she'd like it to be, but she was in a Robert Altman movie for christ's sake. Sigh. I guess that's just that. She was on the TMZ thing and said the thing about Lindsay Lohan and someone checked their watch to make sure it wasn't 2003 again and it wasn't, it was 2013, and Tara Reid was still saying things about Lindsay Lohan, and I guess nothing ever gets that old. [TMZ]

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All right. Let's just be honest here. If you want still images from Teen Mom's sex tape, then here are those images. I'm not encouraging you to go there, I'm just saying that they're here if you, shudder, need them. They are here. Well, not here. There. Past the link at the end of this. I don't know why on earth you'd want to see them, but there they are. Tamed down for a non-pornographic website, but there they are. I don't know. This whole thing is either depressingly interesting or interestingly depressing or both. Is there a difference anymore? There probably isn't. Ugh. Here. It's here. [TMZ]

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