Aunt's Trepidation Shouldn't Ruin Teen's Trip Of A Lifetime

Shame on you, Abby! How could you be so flippant about a woman sending her child to a country whose legal system AND laws are not at all similar to those in the United States? You are basically telling this poor woman to send her child into a lion's den! If the woman had been sending her child to Canada or European Union or the UK, then the trip is no different from a trip to another state. In that case, the woman should not send her daughter, unless she had a passport as well as enough money to travel to that country to pick her daughter up in case of emergency. In the case of sending the child to a predominantly Muslim country, she and her daughter should learn about the proper dress an social etiquettes of that country, and also they should know which laws are substantially different from "western" laws, for example, laws and penalties for consuming alcohol, for mixing with members of the opposite sex, for smoking or possessing marijuana, for dressing in a way which contradicts the values of the country (and for which she could be fined or imprisoned). I am a Muslim and I live in a predominantly Muslim country, but if I sent my child to a country whose laws are stricter or more strictly enforced than the ones in the U.S., I would never give even the semblance of a "yes" to my child's request, at least not until we are both properly educated and have practiced the appropriate dress and etiquette together.

There are many cuisines and foods that are eaten with hands instead of utensils.

L1: Whoever you are lady, you are AWESOME for allowing your daughter to take advantage of such an opportunity. Makes you stand out in my opinion :) so many people have irrational fears over other countries...

take for example Mexico.. since I've been there so I should know... infamous for it's drug wars which happen mostly in the north, not much influence in the south (for now). and all those killings and explosions? happen in resorts and at bars... few incidents happen in other locations. Where I stayed for almost a whole month, it was a pretty safe place. Only been there a week and a bit and already I knew my way around, and didn't feel worried about my safety. The only incident occured with a classmate of mine who unwittingly went to a place that was known to be sketchy at night. It happened to be a touristy place too... Staying with the tourists could in fact be worse for you than being on your own.

Anyhow, Turkey isn't as bad as other places. I'm so jealous :( I'd have to pay my own way since I'm old enough to have a job ;o now I don't mean to say that I'd only go if I had a scholarship or anything like that... just that I'm an adult now and I didn't get such an opportunity when I was your daughter's age. I'd actually like to know where she got the scholarship from :O

you can have a soul mate without being married to them.....sometimes your soul mate is the same sex, sometimes not...often it is your best 'friend'

LW#1: Life includes a certain amount of risk. 13 is a great age to learn a language and travel, and you've made a good decision, based on your feelings and your daughters'. It's cliche, but you're more likely to be hit and killed by a car in your own neighborhood than either die in a plane crash or get killed by terrorists. These are chaperones with native knowledge of Turkey and they will know how to keep the students safe. It sounds like the LW checked everything out and feels comfortable about her daughter's safety. She has been an informed, responsible parent. There is nothing like getting to know a country by visiting it it. Ideally, it will not only be a memory of a lifetime, but show the Turkish people they encounter that there is a curious and opne side of Americans as well.

MINDED MY MANNERS IN NEW JERSEY: Where is your wife from? There are quite a few countries where eating with fingers is acceptable. If it bothers you so much, ask her NICELY not to do it in public..

lw1. It is your job to raise your child(ren) as you see fit, never mind what your sister says, follow your heart with your child. You will both be blessed.

I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.

L#2: At mealtime, my husband stuffs his mouth, barely chews, and finishes while the rest of the family is just getting started. To put this in context, however, he is also my best friend, a great father and role model, and kind and generous. If you love your wife, like your wife, and in most respects enjoy her company, avert your gaze when she touches her food at the table.

L#1: Turkey is one of the most kid-friendly places to visit in Europe. Children are doted on. While I agree that the daughter should go if the mom thoroughly checked out the program and the chaperones, I would also have a serious discussion with "Alisa" about why she cannot, under any circumstances, wander around without one of the sponsors present, especially in crowded Istanbul. She should carry at all times the following: some money, a small Turkish/English phrasebook , her local address, her U.S. contact information, and a copy of her passport, but NOT the actual passport. No backpacks, because they can be opened from the rear, and no purses that could be yanked off her arm. They sell lightweight pouches that fit under a shirt and lie flat against the stomach; these are great for keeping personal items safe. She won't be kidnapped there! I hope she has a blast.

#1 Obviously the sister is jealous because her kid is more gifted than her sisters kids. Plus she is coming off as racist. Turkey is a beautiful country. Not ALL countries in the Middle East hrbor terrorist and violence. She should call herself a #$%$ Wait nevermind i will. What a #$%$#2 Well what ethnicity is the wife? As far as i know asian ethnicity use their hands as feeding utensils, AFTER WASHING duh, because they weren't as ahem :/ , "mannered" like all the more sophisticated people are in the world. He is rude.#3 That only happens in books and movies :P

"Soul Mates"? I always thought one of the definitions was that you had to mutually agree that you were soul mates. If not, he/she might be your soulmate but they may define you an an annoying or worst case scenario - a stalker.

Answering my own question.. SOULMATE? besides the definitions given it really means nothing. People grow and change over time. I have been with my husband for only 9 short yrs and in that time we used to do something every weekend together, we went fishing or camping, we travelled up and down the hiways during the summer with our children. Then we hit the bump of "high school" in the road and it kept is closer to home so the kids could hang out with thier friends . We did fish fries and hamburger cookouts for the community we took care of loved ones and those that just needed a lift or I would cook for some that couldn't. NOW he works everyday but sunday. I work the regular 5 days. Teens in school, cheerleading, play practice, dear GOD drivers ed!,and the weekends?, the house is full of mine ,his and thiers . My husband and I, we see each other as we kiss one another goodnight. Does that make us soulmates? What I know is we do for all and we do it as a family. His, mine, ours, even the kids that we keep when they have nowhere else to go come and enjoy our family. Soulmates? I have no idea. I just know a good thing when I have it.

If there are an adequate number of chaprrones, there is no reason to worry about travel to Turkey. Given that the LW is from Little Rock, it would not surprise me if the aunt is also from such a place where bigotry is high and knowledge is low. Turkey is a very westernized culture, if the issue with "them Muslims." I recently watched a Rick Steves travel episode to Turkey that even made ME want to visit. It looks like a wonderful place and a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. She shouldn't let the ignorance of others influence her decision. I might even suggest volunteering to chaperone to both keep an eye out and have the experience for myself.

L#3: If by soul mate you mean ONE person in the world with whom you share a special connection, then no, I don't believe that. If you mean people with whom you feel an immediate and special connection, then I believe we come across a few or even several of these in life. I have had such feelings for both men and women. In terms of the opposite sex, I feel a special "fondness" for the husband of one of my friends. There is something sweet and lovable about him, and I feel good around him, more so than with other friends. It doesn't mean I want to sleep with him or ruin two marriages over him. I just recognize in him qualities that I find appealing. From your letter, I would guess that you are not satisfied with your current relationship. Otherwise, you could put your feelings for other people in perspective.

LW1 - Good for you! As a parent, I often have to keep my own anxiety at bay in order to allow my children to learn and explore the world - a recent school field trip involving a two-hour bus ride on a rainy day comes to mind. But it IS my job to do my homework and make sure the setting is safe and the chaperones are trustworthy and reliable.

Soul mate - ugh! It's an ugly buzz word created by the new-age movement.

I started sending my children to language camps in Europe (Spain) as young as 9. Our middle son, now 12, has travelled to Siberia by himself (unaccompaied minor on Aeroflot with a layover in Moscow) to participate in language camps 3 times, and will likely go again this winter -- yes, winter in Siberia! Our older son travelled to Japan for the first time when he was 12. And, in case anyone cares, with the exception of Japan, sending them to camp in Europe was actually less expensive than sending them to DAY CAMP (admittedly an expensive one) here. Don't let irrational fears stop you from giving your daughter this experience. Turkey is a wonderful country. We are Jewish, and were there six weeks after 9/11. Everyone we met was welcoming, friendly and supportive, and the food was great!

Sigh. Another internet "relationship". And already soul mates, no less!

My definition of soul mate.......a mate that suits you all the way to your soul.

They don't have to be "a person who strongly resembles another in attitudes or beliefs." or "one of two persons compatible with each other in disposition, point of view or sensitivity." They have to be the missing side of you, the other half, the one that fills you with love and happiness, if that means you married your complete opposite then that's fine. Two halves can be to different halves that together make a perfect whole.

That said...Pondering needs to not use that excuse when contiplating cheating. Leave your poor husband/wife before you abuse the trust they have placed in you. They deserve better than that, and they also deserve to find what you are saying you yourself are not 'their soul mate'.....PS Sounds to me like your are looking for permission to cheat and I'm not going to give any blessing to that and I believe in soul mates!