Checking In
Maybe She'd Like To Buy the Brooklyn Bridge?
Thu Mar 20, 3:00 AM ET
DEAR MARGO: I have a very dear friend who's been my roommate for years. She has a good heart and a lot going for her, but when it comes to men and love, she is blind, which may be an understatement. Recently her boyfriend of six months was arrested for prostitution (that is, patronizing one), and without a blink, she insisted the police had framed him because he would never do anything like that. Even after two officers told us what happened and what was said between the boyfriend and the "working girl," she still refuses to believe it. I tried to point out that this could explain why he never had any money and why he always came here and immediately showered. I am concerned about her health and her way of thinking. Should I continue to try to steer her away from her "John" or just let everything come to light in its own time? Is there any way I can help her to see the light?
--- BLUE IN THE FACE
DEAR BLUE: There are none so blind as those who will not see, or something like that. Your roommate is in deep denial and may yet come to realize that she is in deep ... whatever. It is my opinion that any woman with her brain in gear would be able to read these tea leaves: The guy never seems to have any money, comes to her apartment and jumps in the shower, and she was told by two arresting officers of the conversation between him and a hooker. I would think a rational woman would already be seeing the light ... and maybe the guy would be seeing stars. Your friend, however, sounds hopeless when it comes to dealing with reality, so warn her one final time and then let it ride. It is sad but true that we are unable to make people we care about do what is good for them. I suspect down the line that she may come to recognize what's up with the guy in the shower.
--- MARGO, FATEFULLY
Why Some Men Don't Like Marriage Counseling
DEAR MARGO: When I said my ex refused relations nine times out of 10, our counselor thought I was lying. After several months and a lot of money, he told us he had made a mistake and we should split up. I don't think I had a poor counselor; I think many of these people have a deep bias against men. In our culture, it's thought that men do the hurting and women do the suffering. If a man gets a friend and his wife finds out, he stands to lose, big time. Most men do not control the world, the social structure or the women in their lives. When we enter into a counseling relationship, it is assumed the man is at fault. I went through all the exercises while the ex sat back, smugly watching. Finally, when I asked the counselor to give my ex some exercises, she refused and ended the counseling in a fury. The therapist then realized he'd been wrong. (Didn't offer a refund, though.) Thanks for letting me vent.
--- BEEN THERE, NOT GOING BACK
DEAR BEEN: I have heard this from more than one man, though in such cases the counselor has most often been a woman. Some therapists, simply because they have the license, have delusions of adequacy, and sometimes they are simply sexist yentas. When it comes to therapy, if you feel the fit is no good or that there's a discernable bias, lop it off and find someone in whom you can have faith. They're around.
--- MARGO, CONFIDENTLY
Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to click here.
COPYRIGHT 2008 MARGO HOWARD
DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS SYNDICATE, INC.
Copyright © 2008 Margo Howard