The Best Holiday Gifts for Caregivers and Care Recipients
While celebrating these holidays, let us remember the caregivers who care for our loved ones. Exhausted family and professional caregivers dig even deeper to give more than their all when they know they are appreciated. In fact, we all do. So let's not forget those who need care, too.
With sleigh bells ringing and children lining up to tell Santa their wishes, we plan long gift lists and impossible parties. When our budgets and energy fall short, we feel like failures.
Putting a little thought into choosing gifts for caregivers and care recipients can make all the difference. Truthfully, the suggestions here apply to many of us.
Today, many people prefer gifts that include services and experiences. While physical gifts remain a traditional option, out-of-the-box ideas can elude us. Instead of scurrying about in crowded shopping centers, take time to think what would mean most to a caregiver. "Call me if you need anything," doesn't cut it with overwhelmed caregivers who don't want to burden their friends and neighbors.
Physical Gift Ideas
Sometimes, it's best not to ask; tell, instead. Call the too-busy caregiver in your life and say, "I'm bringing over lunch" (or dinner). That's one less meal the caregiver has to plan for and cook.
If you really want to do something special, take the extra step to learn about special dietary requirements the caregiver might have and bring a meal that meets those. Avoid the temptation of buying a trinket, just so you can cross an item off your gift list. We've all been there. Sure, it may give you a sense of accomplishment, but it will add to the caregiver's burden of having to dust and keep track of more stuff. Take time to learn what the caregiver needs.
Visit a few times and observe closely. Even a seemingly mundane gift like disposable underwear for an incontinent loved one or an ID bracelet for the wanderer can greatly assist the family that has to pay out-of-pocket for supplies. If you're really undecided, give a gift certificate to a store the caregiver visits often to help offset expenses. If that's not to your liking, take a picture of the caregiver and care recipient and have it made into an affordable framed or mounted print. If your photography skills are limited, reminisce a little through photo albums with the caregiver and loved one. Choose a treasured photo to have enlarged as a mounted canvas print for a memorable keepsake.
Experiential Gifts or Services
Despite feeling compelled to buy a gift in our consumer-based society, we can give the gift of experience. Chris Nicholas from RoleReversalMovie.com posted a short YouTube video of his mom's long-held wish. In "Making my mom's last wish come true!" his mom expresses her final bucket-list item. Five years later, and just days after being hospitalized, she and her family took a Hawaiian cruise. Having fulfilled her wish, she passed away six weeks later in 2013.
Experiences don't require travel to tropical paradises. Did you know that a person at the end of mid-stage and into late-stage dementia would much prefer your company? Sometimes, spending time with a loved one is the greatest gift you can give.
There were times toward the end of my father's life that I'd sit next to him. If he'd doze off, I'd stay there because he'd awake in a panic, looking around for a familiar face. Then he'd see me and smile.
For the isolated, lonely caregiver, a welcome change of pace might include the gift of a DVD and popcorn for a movie night together.
Dr. Lisa Price, a geriatrician and chief medical officer at InnovAge, which offers aging adults and disabled individuals support services to remain independent, recommends focusing on two important things when gifting to caregivers: recognition and time. A former in-home caregiver for her parents who passed away in their 60s, she helps others as a professional with firsthand experience.
Provide Recognition
"Caregivers spend, on average, 24 hours a week caregiving while juggling other responsibilities, including raising a family and working. It's work ... it takes a lot of emotional energy in addition to physical energy," Price says. She recommends tailoring the recognition to your budget and the caregiver's needs. One person might be thrilled to receive a plaque to hang on the wall as a reminder of another's appreciation, while someone else might like a gift certificate for a massage or for a restaurant to meet with friends.
Give the Gift of Time
If there's one thing that all caregivers need, it's time, Price adds. "If you're local or visiting over the holidays, offer to take over the caregiver's duties. If care requirements are more complicated, then assist with running errands such as taking the car in for repair or [an] oil change or picking up prescriptions and/or groceries." Even helping with simple home repairs can reduce some of a caregiver's worries. The important thing is to give the gift of your time.
Price also offers gift ideas for the care recipient. "Meaningful gifts require thoughtful consideration as they are dependent on the person's cognitive, planning and problem-solving abilities. Additionally, their functional abilities [vision, hearing and mobility] determine the appropriateness of a gift."
For example, a vision-impaired person may need large text to read comfortably or prefer audiobooks. Claire Abel, recognized as The Caregiver's Voice Caregiver of the Month, and her husband bought a flat-screen TV for her mom, who has macular degeneration, so she could sit close enough to see. Her mom celebrated her 106 th birthday this past fall.
Price also encourages folks to consider the gift-giving setting.
"Big family gatherings can be pleasurable, but a family member with dementia may grow overwhelmed and confused after a short while." Price has seen people with severe cognitive impairment "who seem to be hard-wired to love holding babies or watching small children, whereas, others can become agitated" with all the activity.
She adds that we need to be mindful of distracting noises, such as background music or loud restaurants, that make it difficult for the hearing-impaired to distinguish sounds and participate in meaningful conversation.
Finally, Price asks us to consider how the care recipient might feel about receiving the gift. An appropriate gift a few years ago might prove to be embarrassing today, due to reduced function. Price recommends that we choose gifts that keep care recipients "pleasantly occupied with a purposeful, pleasurable activity." She says if it becomes too challenging, it becomes frustrating.
"Sudoku might have been pleasurable years earlier, but too difficult, today," she says. Price recommends the gift of a digital picture frame loaded with family pictures or a photo album that can be enjoyed by a loved one at almost all levels of cognitive ability, caregivers and family, providing an opportunity to reminisce.
A well-considered gift can make all the difference to an overwhelmed, overextended caregiver, as well as to the one receiving care.
Brenda Avadian, M.A., is the executive director of The Caregiver's Voice, bringing family and professional caregivers knowledge, hope and joy since 1998. She is a caregiver expert speaker at state and national conferences. The author of nine books, Brenda's career includes university professor, executive coach, keynoter, corporate consultant and caregiver. She also serves as a STUFFologist at STUFFology 101, where she advises people on how to declutter, while helping elders prepare to downsize. Born and raised in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Brenda resides in rural Los Angeles County, California. She serves as a director on the board of the Independent Book Publishers Association and loves hiking in the Angeles National Forest.
