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    Parenting the French Way: Is It Better?

    Penguin Publishing
    We covet their food, their wine and their confounding ability to stay slim while consuming both … but should we be admiring the French for their parenting skills, as well?

    In her very buzzy new book, "Bringing Up Bebe," American mom and Paris resident Pamela Druckerman makes the argument that the French have a leg up on rearing their children.

    "There's something about the way the French parent that makes it less of a grind and more of a pleasure," writes Druckerman, a former Wall Street Journal reporter. She cites a 2009 study finding mothers in Ohio think caring for their children is far less pleasant than mothers in Rennes, France.

    What exactly do French parents do that's so different from their American counterparts? A few examples:

    Teaching kids patience and self-control through delayed gratification: French parents teach their children to wait for what they want from an early age  - for a few minutes, usually - instead of immediately giving into tots' demands.

    "I'm now convinced that the secret of why French kids rarely whine or collapse into tantrums - or at least do so less than American kids - is that they've developed the internal resources to cope with frustration," Druckerman writes.

    Sleep training often begins at birth: In France, babies are expected to be sleeping through the night by the time they're four months old. Parents don't ignore their babies' cries but they do pause before responding to them.

    "French parents believe it's their job to gently teach babies to sleep well," she writes. "They don't view being up half the night with an eight-month-old as a sign of parental commitment. They view it as a sign that the child has a sleep problem and that his family is wildly out of balance."

    Just one snack: French children typically have what's known as gouter -  a 4 p.m. snack - and that's it. As a result, Druckerman says, they eat well-rounded meals because they're "actually hungry."

    They don't give in to guilt over spending time away from their kids: French women, Druckerman writes, have a conviction that "it's unhealthy for mothers and children to spend all their time together. … Children - even babies and toddlers - get to cultivate their inner lives without a mother's constant interference."

    As for moms going back to work after giving birth: "French women work not just for financial security but also for status," Druckerman writes. "Stay-at-home moms don't have much in Paris. … They openly question the quality of life if they looked after children all day."

    The book will be published Tuesday, Feb. 7.

    Mommy vs. Maman: Which Parenting Style Do You Think Is Better? Click here to vote now.

    ABC News' Felicia Patinkin contributed to this report.

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    • Mark Z-man  •  Altoona, Pennsylvania  •  3 mths ago
      I watch my son and daughter in law raising their toddler, and have thought she is a little tyrant, demanding instant gratification of whatever she perceives as what she wants. I don't let her get away with it, and she NEVER gives me grief, because she knows tantrums will not get her what she wants. When I visit with them, she'll try her tantrums, etc, my kid caves...I tell him he was excused from the table if the tantrums started (demanding desert, when he didn't finish a modest amount of the meal). They wonder why she rarely gives me a hard time, and I just chuckle. They're getting it, but the other G-parents cave instantly, and she's miserable for them. My son notices the difference, and thinks it's funny...daughter in law is mystified by it. Many parents raising kids 30 yrs ago asked me and my wife how we raised such polite boys...my answer was always 'because we insist they be polite and respectful'. So simple, yet the concept eludes most parents, and that is the reason we have such miserable, undisciplined children, and they are ill equipped to raise their children because they have no good example of how to raise a child.
      • tim 3 mths ago
        We grandparents are the same, Mark. The oldest (12) shakes his head when he sees undisciplined kids acting up. The youngest (4) tries to whine and cry when he doesn't get his way (we don't see him as much), but when I give him "the look" he realizes what he's doing and says "Sorry!" People try to reason with their kids way too much---save that for when they're older.
      • iggy 3 mths ago
        I had a roommate whose son was the same way. Three years is plenty old enough to learn how to manipulate, if they also learn that it gets them what they want. My husband and I could smell it a mile off, but she couldn't have been more oblivious to it. Needless to say, the kid was plenty smart enough to figure out that we didn't tolerate that behavior when we were taking care of him, and wouldn't even try it. Roommate remained totally mystified about why he would behave for us, while always giving her a hard time.

        I remember that he liked to get into things that weren't toys, play with them, and often break them. Roommate's only suggestion was to keep them out of reach where he couldn't see them. I remember thinking, that's what you do when you have a dog that chews stuff. With a human child, you're able to TELL them, using human language, that something is not allowed, and they use their human brain to remember the fact. I'll be interested to check back in 10 years, see how the kid is as a teenager (not pleasant, I predict).
      • Anonymous Writer 3 mths ago
        Well, glad I raised my kids the French way, and when I 'nanny' my grandchildren, I am strict. They learn good table manners and good manners in general. I see their dad come home and spoil and give in to their every whim and they turn into little brats. I'm raising my standard poodle the same way, AND she knows her commands in French & English! Good discipline is good to teach by having self discipline ourselves, something Americans sorely lack.
    • Petehack  •  Sunnyvale, California  •  3 mths ago
      Delaying gratification is a HUGE lesson to teach children. Giving in to their immediate desires is very bad. Like everything in life-good things come to those(parents)who work hard.
      • Raymond 3 mths ago
        I've seen that it is even harder to teach some parents to delay gratification as well.
    • Ash  •  3 mths ago
      You do not need to be in France to figure this out. It seems like pretty common sense. You don't want a brat for a child, then discipline and stop trying to be their best friend, BE THEIR PARENT!!!
    • DAD  •  3 mths ago
      That is also the German and Cherokee way of raising kids No instant rewards and let the kids go play get dirty and get hurt it is good for them. We raised 6 that way and do not regret a moment of it. Sure they goot sick and they got hurt but that is what happens to kids that are well rounded and healthy inside and out.
      • SeekingTall.Com 3 mths ago
        I wait for you
      • GoBothWays 3 mths ago
        The other great German habit is family exercise, especially hiking. Cheap, natural, and mind clearing.
      • M 3 mths ago
        German mothers have to be stay at home mom otherwise they are considered as bad mother "raven mother". that is why the birth rate is so low in Germany, women have to chose between motherhood and career.
    • ThinkngMn  •  3 mths ago
      When you have 3 or more kids you automatically do it the French way. Your kids have to delay gratification because you're busy with their siblings. One, two kids and you can respond instantly. But I never did. Nothing wrong with waiting a minute and being unhappy is normal. Expecting them to be happy all the time is an unrealistic expectations. We all have the right to be unhappy.
      • AS 3 mths ago
        And why you would want 3 or more kids? This is definitely not the French way.
      • Dark Angel 3 mths ago
        ThinkngMn: I guarantee you that it generally has little to do with the number of children. There are many families with three or more children, and often each child is catered to in some manner. It is a parenting problem that is growing in the US.
    • K  •  3 mths ago
      I agree with some of this, but I also don't have these problems. So American or French, I guess I'm doing something right!
    • Dwilette  •  Chattanooga, Tennessee  •  3 mths ago
      Just a few decades ago, Americans raised their children the same way. Parents neither made excuses for their children nor did they allow them to run the household. They had high expectations for their education, mannerism, articulation, respect and consideration of others because parents understood how they only had 18 years to train their children to become productive and independent adults. I wish today's parents would rally together so that the next generation would become strong leaders.
    • www.ThePlayChannel.com - ...  •  3 mths ago
      Duh ... But here are two more points to ponder - in France (in fact everywhere else except in third world nations), mothers get 1-2 years of paid leave and benefits. Also, workers get 6-9 weeks of paid vacation and rarely stay past 5 in the workplace. Corporate CEOs are less fat, politicians are less corrupt, and people live better. That's democracy at work!
      • Fragarach 3 mths ago
        Corporate CEO's are just as fat as everywhere else, and the politicians just as corrupt (although in a literal sense, theur are perhaps more physically fit) They are just more subtle about it.
      • Evelyn 3 mths ago
        Firstly, in my opinion, the phrase "third world nations" sounds derogatory, and condescending and should be outlawed! Secondly, not sure, which "third world" nations you are referring to, but I'm fresh from Tanzania, where my sister-in-law just returned to work from her maternity leave, which started in September 2011, when she had my nephew. She continued to receive a portion of her pay while on leave, and is working shorter days for the first few months! Please check your facts and desist from issuing erroneous, blank statements. Thanks.
      • Georgio 3 mths ago
        Dear play channel: For your information America is already bankrupt. Perhaps if you love the French way of life so much you should go there.
    • Shello  •  Surfside, California  •  3 mths ago
      I'm not French, but I used these philsophies when I raised my two boys. It just seemed like common sense to me.
    • Captain Spaulding  •  Tafton, Pennsylvania  •  3 mths ago
      Too many American parents want to be best friends with their kids and there lies the problem.
    • Terra  •  3 mths ago
      Delightful! Yes, the French way, is what I considered to be the Farm girl way (being a farm girl). The child knows, they are deeply loved, but they are prepared and taught to wait for the harvest, they are taught there are times and place for certain behavior ..... And it is not negotiable, while they are young. As young adults .... they have to practice making decisions
    • Famous Author  •  Barnstable, Massachusetts  •  3 mths ago
      I have found that putting them up for immediate adoption eases a good deal of stress. Get them back when they have jobs after college.
    • DT  •  Cleveland, Ohio  •  3 mths ago
      I raised my daughter the French way--because I was a single working mom who didn't have time to provide instant gratification. Tantrums and whining were not okay, especially since we were out shopping & dining often. She was well-behaved, articulate and independent as a child. She's still that way as a 21 year-old college student. Apparently, I did it right--who knew?! Incidentally, I'm from Ohio and thoroughly enjoyed raising my daughter.
    • Speak Up!  •  Alexandria, Virginia  •  3 mths ago
      I already do all of these. Whoever gives in to their toddler (or their child of any age) because of tantrums is an idiot!
    • Jay  •  Denver, Colorado  •  3 mths ago
      Heaven forbid that any of the hopeless duhh-murrikkka xenophobes would ever admit that the French (or people in any other country) might do something better than we do. They are too busy spouting that "We're number one" hoo-haa regardless of any evidence to the contrary.
    • Alfinisti  •  Atlanta, Georgia  •  3 mths ago
      All that good wine helps keep the stress level down.
    • Skip  •  Seattle, Washington  •  3 mths ago
      Agree with 90%....I have 7 nice, hardworking, happy, CUTE kids, and the basic rule was always, "if you cry for it, you don't get it", etc. I do think Moms should stay at home if possible as no one looks out for kids better than a Mom (hopefully). Too many wierd people to not know who they are with, etc.
    • bhoooou  •  Irvine, California  •  3 mths ago
      as french I would say the book looks to me right and it used to be the same way here in UAS longtime ago, also , I don,t like the relation kids/money here and don,t be afraid to kick their #$%$ to help them to understand the good and the wrong , I saw many cases where the parents look (to me) stupid . to finish , if I have to get a kid tomiorrow it will not be here , even if as an adult I like very mush this contry for many deffrants raisons and please stop to eat MAC DONALD and drink COCA COLA , it,s the shame !..... love you guys.
    • grammy 5  •  Kalamazoo, Michigan  •  3 mths ago
      Don't believe that a working mom is a status symbol. My daughter used to tell me that she felt happy when she could see our house from the school yard & knew that her mommy was there . There's no better reward than that for a stay at home mom!
    • none  •  3 mths ago
      sounds reasonable to me, especially the delayed gratification. Too many kids freak out instantly if they don't get what they want. The parents are some how able to tolerate this behavior. I am pretty sure most people are SICK and tired of little kids and their publc meltdowns.