'Parks and Rec' Must-See: The Secret Unaired Scottish Adventures of Ron Swanson

Caroline Kepnes

We learned on Thursday night's "Parks and Recreation" season premiere that "standard birth control" doesn't work with Ron Swanson (Nick Offerman). Is that any surprise? He is, after all, the most doggedly steak-eating, vegetable-shunning macho man on TV. Although, he probably doesn't eat reindeer like Danish Lady Politician (Heidi Klum). (You had to be there.)

[Video: Missed the Premiere of 'Parks and Rec'? Watch It Now]

Ron got hitched to his pregnant girlfriend, Diane (Lucy Lawless), and their quickie ceremony was a rare thing: short, funny, and sweet. The same can be said for these clips of Ron's travels through Scotland. Trust us. When someone as red-blooded and Scotch-loving as Mr. Swanson goes to Scotland ... well, you'll see. In the spirit of Pawnees's least favorite councilwoman, we hereby scotch 'em to ya!

No. 1: Ron's Journey

Ron has Leslie's (Amy Poehler) handmade treasure hunting guide, but he has no clear idea of what the alleged treasure might be as he treks through what he calls the "miserable socialist terrain of Northern Europe." Ha. But he's won over, saying that Scotland "smells of the sea, the grass grows tall, and I haven't had to talk to anyone in three days." Scotland: the Un-Indiana. Who knew!

No. 2: Ron at the Distillery

We love this one, because he's speaking to his new family of girly girls — wife and daughters — and because, well, he gets sloshed. And drunk Ron is funny. He knows how to talk to strangers, announcing, "I'm Ron Swanson from America," and he tells a long-winded joke with a very rewarding (and off-color) punch line. He can't decipher the native brogue, but he can sidle up to a barrel o' the good stuff.

No. 3: Ron Wants to Buy a House

So imagine you're a normal Scotsman and this burly man comes up to you in your front yard and goes, "I have a large amount of gold and American greenbacks, which I'm sure could be converted into whatever fake-looking currency you use here in Scotland." Yeah. This clip is the best. Also, wait for the moment at the end when he's really sweet and sincere and you just about melt even though you haven't been pounding Scotch. "See you soon" has never sounded sweeter. Ever.

"Parks and Recreation" airs Thursdays at 8 p.m. on NBC.