(Saturday Night Live)
"Saturday Night Live" wasted no time in tackling the pair of scandals that transcended the sports world last week, using its cold-opening sketch to skewer both Lance Armstrong's doping confession and the hoax involving Notre Dame football star Manti Te'o and his fake dead girlfriend, Lennay Kekua.
Armstrong, played by Jason Sudeikis, sat down for an interview with Piers Morgan, played by fellow cast member Taran Killam.
"It wasn't really all that sophisticated, Piers," Sudeikis' Armstrong said of his drug use. "All I actually did was steroids, testosterone, human growth hormone, EPO and I replaced all of my blood with better blood."
"Is that sophisticated? You know, I don't know," he continued. "Is it cheating? Maybe. Am I sorry I did it? Yes ... ish. P.S. No."
Armstrong added: "The most important thing is I never, ever called anyone a fat bitch."
Manti Te’o, played by "SNL's" Bobby Moynihan, told Morgan he was devastated by the hoax.
"It's even more devastating for my girlfriend Lennay," he said. “A couple months ago, she called me up on the phone and was like ‘Hey, I have some bad news: I’m dead.’ And I said ‘Oh no! Do you need a ride to the funeral?’”
To close the sketch, Kate McKinnon revived her Jodie Foster impersonation to try to explain the actress' bizarre speech at last week's Golden Globes.
"Allow me to set the record straight once and for all," she said. "I'm going to set the record straight--loud and proud right? Here we go. I am gaaame for anything."
She continued: "Also, I am officially a Leslie Nielsen fan. I just thought you all should know that. Oh, and I'm obsessed with 'Girls' the show. I just love the show. That is such a giant weight off my lesbian chest."