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The Ticket

Sing along to Newt Gingrich karaoke!

Chris Moody, Yahoo News
The Ticket

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Former House Speaker and presidential candidate Newt Gingrich (Getty Images)

It was nearly a year ago that Newt Gingrich formally ended his bid for the Republican presidential nomination. From the cornfields of Iowa to the peach farms of Georgia, news reporters assigned to cover the former House speaker logged thousands of miles on a cross-country tour of the nation's zoos, community centers and, of course, NASA's space camp in Huntsville, Ala., where Gingrich spoke of building a moon colony.

Along the way—and it was a very long way—we found many ways to pass the time. But one especially talented singer-songwriter-journalist, sitting quietly in the back of the bus, took to composing songs about the candidate. These masterpieces were considered strictly off the record during the campaign.

Thankfully, the embargo has been lifted (although the composer has asked to remain anonymous.) The time has come release these treasures to the American people.

In this never-before-seen compilation of Newt's Greatest Hits, relive our most cherished moments of the campaign with songs like, "Hold Me Closer, Saul Alinsky," "I Got You Cain" and "Rocket Newt." Rock out to "Sympathy for the Gingrich" and "Newt Went to the Zoo Today." Or set the mood with that special someone with "Gingrich in the Wind."

So go ahead, don't be shy. Crank up the volume and sing along to your favorite Gingrich tunes.

ROCKET NEWT (Elton John’s 'Rocket Man')

Packed my bags just now, pre-flight

Space camp, I’m on my way

This trip is whyyyyy

I’m still in the race

I miss the earth so much, and my first wife

It’s lonely out in space

On such a sweeeeet moon base

And I think it’s gonna be a long long time,

Til America comes around and they will find

Moon colonies are the way to go

Oh oh oh oh—I’m a Rocket Newt

Rocket Newt, burning all his money in Florida

The moon ain’t the kind of place to raise your kids

Unless they’re janitors

But there’s no one there to pay them, to sweep the dust

And all the science, I don’t understand

I just want to pander to NASA folk

A Rocket Neeeewwwwt. A Rocket Newt.

And I think it’s gonna be a long long time,

Til I realize I’m not going to win this time

I’m not the man to be the nominee

Oh no no no—I’m a Rocket Newt

Rocket Newt, burning hate for Romney keeps me aloft

FORGET YOU (Cee Lo Green’s 'Forget You')

You say I peddled influence for Freddie Mac;

And I’m like: Forget You

It’s just another unfounded bogus attack

And I’m like: Forget You, and your PAC too

You see if my PAC was richer, I’d compete wit ya

Ain’t that some ish

But Sheldon’s money’s long gone and I got no way to respond

Except: Forget you

Yeah I’m sorry I paid an ethics fine

But that don’t mean that I was wrong

But PAC ads make it look like a crime

And they’re on TV like all day long

I picture the fool that believes these ads from you

(Just a dumb voter. Don’t know no better.)

Oooh, without more money I’m screwed

Yeah, let’s go to California again

You say I peddled influence for Freddie Mac;

And I’m like: Forget You

It’s just another unfounded bogus attack

And I’m like: Forget You, and your PAC too

You see if my PAC was richer, I’d compete wit ya

Ain’t that some ish

But Sheldon’s money’s long gone and I got no way to respond

Except: Forget you

Now you’re beatin’ on Santorum

'Bout earmarks and unions and Arlen Specter

But not so fast, you know he won’t last

And the baggage ad was so much better

I picture the fool that believes these ads from you

(Just a dumb voter. Don’t know no better.)

Oooh, without more money I’m screwed.

I really hate your ass right now.

You say I peddled influence for Freddie Mac;

And I’m like: Forget You

It’s just another unfounded bogus attack

And I’m like: Forget You, and your PAC too

You see if my PAC was richer, I’d compete wit ya

Ain’t that some ish

But Sheldon’s money’s long gone and I got no way to respond

Except: Forget you

Now Romney Romney Romney why you want to hurt me so bad? (So bad)

Pro-choice gun-hating liberals they make me so sad (so sad)

Uh, why? Uh, why?

Oh, Romney, I hate you so. I’m gonna go

Kamikaze Newwwwwwt

You say I peddled influence for Freddie Mac;

And I’m like: Forget You

It’s just another unfounded bogus attack

And I’m like: Forget You, and your PAC too

You see if my PAC was richer, I’d compete wit ya

Ain’t that some ish

But Sheldon’s money’s long gone and I got no way to respond

Except: Forget you

SYMPATHY FOR THE GINGRICH (Rolling Stones’ 'Sympathy for the Devil')

Please allow me to introduce myself

I’m a man of ideas and range

I’ve been around for a long, long year

Effected big national change

I was round when Art Laffer

Drew the curve 'bout supply side

Made damn sure that Congress

Cut the taxes down to size

Pleased to meet you

You already know my name, oh yeah

But what’s puzzling me

Is the failure of my campaign

I stuck around Washington

When I saw it was time for a change

Led the GOP revolution

And the liberals screamed in vain

Gave Bill a spank

Held a Speaker’s rank

When we reformed welfare

Didn’t break the bank

Pleased to meet you

You already know my name, oh yeah

But what’s puzzling me

Is the failure of my campaign

It was all about me

When on my power spree

Shut down the government

Made a statement

I shouted out

“Clinton didn’t let me

In front of the plane”

I was pissed, you see

Let me please introduce myself

I’m a man who’s grandiose

And I worked alongside Reagan

Something I rather like to boast

Pleased to meet you

You already know my name, oh yeah

But what’s puzzling me

Is the failure of my campaign, oh yeah

Pleased to meet you

You already know my name, oh yeah

But what’s puzzling me

Is the failure of my campaign, oh yeah

Just as every pol is a cheater

I’m on wife number three

I’m so unique, just call me Newt Gingrich

A major figure historically

So if you meet me, you’ll hear all about

Saul Alinsky and Saudi kings

And all my grand accomplishments

Except the awkward things, mmmm yeah

Pleased to meet you

You already know my name, mmm yeah

But what’s puzzling me

What happened to my campaign, get down

Newt Newt, ah yeah, get on down, oh yeah

Tell me Georgia, what’s my name?

Tell me 'bama, baby guess my name?

Tell me Kansas, what’s my name?

I’ll tell you one time, Florida’s to blame.

What’s my name?

Tell me Tampa, what’s my name?

Brokered convention, what’s my name?

HOLD ME CLOSER, SAUL ALINSKY (Elton John’s 'Tiny Dancer')

Organizer, Chicago shyster, communist long dead

Ruckus-eyed, angry style, Obama’s butter and bread

True believer, he’ll squeeze the trigger, and pump us full of lead

Now he’s in me, always with me, Saul Alinsky, in my head

Liberal freaks, out in the street, agitating for food stamps

You should get, a paycheck, fold up the Occupy camp

Organizer man, he makes a stand, health care for everyone

Looking on, he sings the song, of Euro-style revolution

Oh how it feels so real, creeping socialism here and only I

Only I can see it, as I say loudly, boldly

Hold me closer Saul Alinksy, let me tie you to Obama

Who cares if no one knows you, I’ll use your name to make some drama

NEWT GINGRICH’S ISLAND ('Gilligan’s Island' theme song)

Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale

Of a poorly run campaign

That started with a botched rollout

And once trailed Herman Cain (and once trailed Herman Cain)

The candidate had big ideas

Consultants, he’d not obey

After Newt went on a Greek cruise

They all ditched him one day (They all ditched him one day)

The campaign started getting rough

The money was all gone

But Callista said he must debate

So the campaign soldiered on (The campaign soldiered on)

The campaign survived and now awaits the Super Tuesday trial

With Newtron

Callista too

Adelson and his wife

A karate star

R.C. and Jordan

Here on Newt Gingrich’s Isle

Shot down by Romney’s PAC in Iowa

It appeared all lost this time

But Sheldon’s money arrived, Newt won S.C.

And the polls he did climb

But Florida came and it was hard

To keep the message strong

Talking about moon colonies

And how Bain was so wrong

No plane, small staff, no TV ads

They’ve got no money

Campaigning on a shoestring

As primitive as can be

But he goes on from coast to coast

Zoos and museums make him smile

We embeds are just castaways

Here on Newt Gingrich’s Isle.

ROMNEY AND THE REST (Elton John’s 'Bennie and the Jets')

Hey Mitt, get your shit together

The other guys are jokers

And you know you’re so much better

But you make too many gaffes

To stick around

All these misstatements will run

Your campaign to the ground

Say Newtie and Rickie have you seen him yet

Oh he so stressed out

R-R-R-Romney and the rest

Oh when he goes off script

Romney’s a bad candidate

He’s got five Cadillacs, he fires folks

He knows corporations are people too

Oh, R-R-R-Romney and the rest

Hey Mitt you know you should be winning

But the tea party doesn’t trust you

And this is only the beginning

No true conservative will forgive Romneycare

And all the money in the world won’t

Make this primary fair

THE DISTANCE (Cake’s 'The Distance')

Reluctantly shaking on the rope line

Voters grasping and asking in time

The camera flashes, Ginger has a request

Churning and burning, he runs from the press

Santorum maneuvers, he’s got the top rank

Newt’s burning fast on an empty tank

Reckless and wild, he goes through the speech

It’s all about process, Super PACs and TV

As he speeds through Mississippi

The campaign goes down

The reporters get up and they get out of town

The bus is empty except for one man

Still developing ideas as fast as he can

Herman Cain has gone down and Santorum’s come up

And long ago Romney left with the cup

But Newt’s driving and striving through the twists and turns

And thinking of Romney for whom he still burns

He’s going the distance

He’s going to Tampa

He’s all alone (all alone!)

All alone after Alabama

He’s talking and walking and plotting the race

He’s fighting and writing but falling on his face

He’s going the distance

No pollsters, no PAC ads, no staffers, no time

He’s haunted by a message he could not define

Rockets, moon bases and extremely cheap gas

The other problem: He kind of comes off like an ass

In his mind he’s still running, and he could win

And there’s hope for a brokered convention

Cause he’s talking and walking and plotting the race

He’s fighting and writing but falling on his face

Herman Cain has gone down and Santorum’s come up

And long ago Romney left with the cup

But Newt’s driving and striving through the twists and turns

And thinking of Romney for whom he still burns

He’s going the distance

He’s going to Tampa

He’s all alone (all alone!)

All alone after Alabama

He’s wheeling and dealing and making a king

He’s going to make that kid Santorum kiss the ring

He’s wheeling and dealing and making a king

He’s going to make that kid Santorum kiss the ring

He’s going the distance

He’s a Newtron bomb

He’s going the distance

I GOT YOU CAIN (Sonny and Cher’s 'I Got You Babe')

[Cain] They say we’re down and got no chance

The voters long ago lost the romance

[Newt] Well fundamentally that’s not true

Cause I’ve got Cain and Cain I got you

[Both] Cain. I got you Cain. I got you Cain.

[Cain] They say tax policy’s hard to fake

But 9-9-9 is such a piece of cake

[Newt] And I know gas prices are hard to sway

But drill baby drill and $2.50 you will pay

[Both] Cain. I got you Cain.

[Newt] I got beat up by ABC, then I got you to endorse me.

[Cain] And they used to say that I was a clown, Perry used Ginger White to bring me down.

So let them say we’re womanizers, 'Cause that makes them liberal sympathizers

[Newt] Then put your black hand in mine, just please don’t upstage me every single time

[Both] Cain. I got you Cain.

[Newt] I got you to give me fire

[Cain] To a cabinet post I do aspire

[Newt] I got you for the tea party

[Cain] I got you for legitimacy

[Newt] I got Callista to kiss goodnight

[Cain] I’m gonna hold that girl’s ass real tight

[Newt] I got you I won’t let go

[Cain] Til I get a Fox TV show

[Both] Cain. I got you Cain. I got you Cain.

GINGRICH IN THE WIND (Elton John’s 'Candle in the Wind')

Goodbye Newton G.

The Southern Strategy didn’t fly

You lost to a B-list senator

And the world’s most awkward guy

You never had a message

Until you got to gasoline

But by then it was too late

Just a desperation scene

It seems to me that you ran your race, like a Gingrich in the wind

Never knowin’ what to do except mud slingin’

I would have liked to cover you

But you wouldn’t let me on the plane

Your chances burned out long before you ended your campaign

Endorsements didn’t help

Not Rick Perry not Herman Cain

Chuck Norris nor the Bassmaster

Their help was all in vain

Even when you quit

Oh the press still hounded Newt

All Politico had to say

Was ‘R.C. Hammond, it’s all on you’

It seems to me that you ran your race, like a Gingrich in the wind

Never knowin’ what to do except mud slingin’

I would have liked to cover you

But you wouldn’t let me on the plane

Your chances burned out long before you ended your campaign

Goodbye Newton G

The Southern Strategy didn’t fly

You lost to a B-list senator

And the world’s most awkward guy

Goodbye Newton G

From the press in the back of the bus

Who see you as a ticket to Hilton Points

Or just Rocket Newt Gingrich

It seems to me that you ran your race, like a Gingrich in the wind

Never knowin’ what to do except mud slingin’

I would have liked to cover you

But you wouldn’t let me on the plane

Your chances burned out long before you ended your campaign

HEY NEWT (Outkast’s 'Hey Ya')

My Newtron don’t mess around

He wants to win so

And this I know fo sho

Uh, but does he really wanna

Or just want to kick Mitt’s

Ass out the door

Don’t go to the convention

Because the thought alone is killing me right now

Uh, I guess it’s up to us

Republican elites

To take him down

Hey Newt

Heyyyy Newt

Hey Newt

Heyyyy Newt

Hey Newt

Heyyyy Newt

Hey Newt

Heyyyy Newt

Mitt thinks he’s got it

Ohh Mitt thinks he’s got it

But Newt won’t let him have it

Until 1144…

He’ll keep on going

Oh he’ll keep on going

Til the fight gets all the way to the convention

Flooooooooooor

If the elites say “No way it’ll happen”

Then what makes, what makes, what makes

Newt the exception

So why you, why you, why you, why you, why you

Are you so in denial

When you can’t even win 3 states?

Hey Newt

Heyyyy Newwwt

Don’t want to see you in it.

Just want to see you quit it.

Don’t want convention drama

Just want to see you done-a

We’re just being honest

We’re just being honest

Hey alright now

Alright now pundits (yeah)

What do you think of Newt’s campaign (No chance!)

I can’t hear ya.

I said what do you think of Newt’s campaign (No chance!)

Alright alright alright alright

OK now delegates (yeah)

I want you to shut this thing down in just a few seconds

We didn’t break out that Super PAC for nothing

Now I want to see y’all on y’all best behavior

Give it to Romney, he is your savior

Awww shake it, shake it, shake it

Say no to a brokered convention

Shake it, shake shake it, shake it

Say no to a brokered convention

[Delegates from Illinois, Mississippi, Virgin Islands, get on the floor]

Please don’t vote for Newwwwt

Please don’t vote for Newt

Please don’t vote for Newt

Hey Newt (no no)

Go awayyyy Newt (go go)

NEWT WENT TO THE ZOO TODAY (Pearl Jam’s 'Jeremy')

At home

Cherry Blossoms

French restaurant

In Adams Morgan

And when he’s on the road

Wright Brothers museum

And an oil rig in the Gulf of Mexico

The media didn’t pay attention

Because he didn’t have no delegates

Newt Gingrich is livin’ in his own world

Newt went to the zoo today

Newt went to the zoo today

Clearly I remember

Him lookin’ at T-Rex

Just a harmless candidate

But we unleashed a lion

And he said, ‘Frankly, this one is the best.’

How could I forget

And he hit us with a surprise avail

Locals only

Mmmmm Ginger’s angry

Just like the day

At the San Diego zoo

R.C. is getting even more prickly

And the embeds are about to be pulled

Newt Gingrich is livin’ in his own world

Newt went to the zoo today

Newt went to the zoo today

This isn’t a campaign

He’s not really running

It’s an American touuuuuuuuur

Newt went to the zoo today
Newt went to the zoo today

FREE-NEWT (Lynyrd Skynyrd’s 'Freebird')

If I drop out tomorrow

Would you still cover me?

For I enjoyed y’all on my zoo tour

But it’s time for me to face reality

If I stayed in the race, girls

I might get bit by a penguin again

But I’m as free as a Newt, now

And this Newt will never change

And this Newt will never change

And this Newt will never change

Callista knows I can’t change

Bye, bye television cameras

Thanks for giving my ideas big play

But screw the Beltway elite media

'Cause Lord knows they’re to blame

So I guess I’ll stump for Romney

But I won’t apologize for Bain

'Cause I’m as free as a Newt now

And this Newt will never change

And this Newt will never change

And this Newt will never change

John King knows, I can’t change

To the moon, I’ll never change!

Frankly, I can't change

Won't you fly, free Newt, yeah

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