"Saturday Night Live" dedicated its cold-opening this week to the ongoing fiscal cliff negotiations--and to announce an unlikely deal between Democrats and Republicans had been reached.
"We'd like to announce we have reached an agreement to avoid the fiscal cliff," Jay Pharaoh, reprising his role as President Obama, said during the faux joint press conference with House Speaker John Boehner, played by Bill Hader. "In order to get the support of the speaker, I agreed there would be no tax increases."
"Now why would I do that?" Pharoah's Obama continued. "I mean I won the election. I had the leverage. Why give in? Simply put, I felt sorry for this man."
Fellow Republicans, President Obama explained, took Boehner's milk in the Congressional cafeteria and threw it in the garbage, put a rubber snake in his desk and pushed him into the ladies room "naked from the waist down."
"This is a United States congressman, one that I find extremely conservative and hard to deal with," the president said. "Yet at no point have I ever considered putting a rubber snake in his desk."