'American Horror Story: Freak Show' Finale Recap: Death Becomes Them
Warning: This recap contains storyline and character spoilers for this week's American Horror Story: Freak Show Season 4 finale, "Curtain Call."
That's all folks!
The bonkers circus of strange that was Season 4 has pulled up stakes and left town. The Freak Show has gone dark, leaving fans to mourn the loss of the series' poster woman Jessica Lange — and Ryan Murphy just shy of nine months to figure out how to convince her to go another round.
Of course, if he can't change her mind, at least he didn't allow her to go gently into that good Wednesday night. In fact, no one did. Truth be told, the last episode was as chaotic and nutty and over-the-top and colorful and strange and musical as the rest of the season has been. And just like the rest of this installment, even if you considered it a disorganized train wreck without a unifying theme or simply not scary enough, you likely couldn't look away.
And it all started with one very long and heartbreaking massacre. Actually, I've gotten a little ahead of myself. It actually starts with the hanging of a banner promoting new owner Dandy as the star attraction. Lizard Girl scoffs, "Do you really think anyone is gonna pay to see this rich Nancy sing show tunes? We should all leave." Fat Lady agrees, "He gives me the creeps." But Paul the Seal provides the voice of reason: "There's nowhere to go. Our world is done, sweetheart. This is the end of the line. That kid's got money pouring out of his ears. I say we let him keep feeding us until that lemon runs out of juice."
But he quickly changes his tune (a little too quickly, if you ask me) when they return to find Dandy barking orders at the lighting guy and then blaming the lackluster ticket sales not on a shortage of interest in standards sung by a psychopath or the fact that they just hung the sign 30 minutes earlier, but on a waning public interest in mediocre oddities. There's also some name-calling and threats to keep them from becoming "yesterday's news" by making them more freaky. The last straw is when Dandy suggests adding horns to Lizard Girl. Eve punches him, the others hold him down, and Paul gives him a taste of his own medicine. "I'd rather starve than listen to your whiny voice one more time. No one likes to see some pretentious prick prancing around on the stage and no one gives a s--t about bloody Cole Porter. You think you're special. Your mum probably told you all your life, but I've heard you sing and you're rubbish. Even worse, you're boring and we're freaks. We don't trade in boring. You will never be one of us. We quit." Then he spits on his face.
Related: Finn Wittrock on Having a Dandy Time on 'American Horror Story: Freak Show'
Uh-oh. Paul, you are not going to like Dandy when he's angry. He throws on his best red ascot and white suit (really quite impractical for a slaughter!), slaps on some liner, and proclaims, "Showtime!" He spends the next five minutes or so wandering through the encampment shooting any freak left who is not famous in real life starting with poor Paul (which is a bummer since he always was the closest thing to an innocent the troupe had). He makes quick work of dispensing with Lizard Girl, the perpetually sauced Frenchie, the Half Woman, some randos with beards and overalls, and the Fat Lady all without seemingly needing to reload. Eve caught up with him just as he almost found the last remaining A-lister hiding in her trailer and put up a decent fight, but ultimately she takes one to the knee and one to the face.
When Jimmy staggers into an eerily empty camp from his recovery shack with his new wood pinchers, he finds all of his friends piled on the main stage and then Des finds him. We assume she then fills him in that it was the Mottster and that he has taken the Tattler Twins hostage. Flash to Mott Manor, now decorated for and hosting a wedding. (I get it. He's rich, but it seems like the next day, and it's got to take at least a few to get fancy headbands and a wedding dress for conjoined twins made.) Apparently, he's only marrying Bette, but he wants Dot to partake in carnal pleasures. "Mind that I can get very nasty if my manhood is compromised. A stallion demands a certain respect from all his mares," he says.
Click the photo below to launch the gallery of Freak Show deaths... if you dare.
Bette cools the situation by suggesting they eat a special feast prepared by the new maid. Dandy sips bubbly while painting a pretty picture of their future, which will be filled with safaris and freak babies. But Bette was just playing fool when she pretended to be thrilled to be Mrs. Maniac. She coos: "Did you honestly think we'd lay with you after you massacred our entire family?" The maid is none other than Des, the butler is Jimmy, the sisters have his gun, and the champagne is spiked.
The season’s breakout star awakes, back in his undies, in Houdini's water tank because as "carnie folk" they have to enact a "theatrical" revenge. He offers money. He pleads, "I'm not an escape artist. I'm a song and dance man. I'm immortal. You can't punish a man for fulfilling his purpose."
Oh, but they can and they do. Des attempts to provide a weak theme. "You may look like a motion picture dreamboat but you are the biggest freak of them all." They watch as the tank fills and life drains from our boy Dandy. "Heck of a show," Jimmy declares.
Related: 'American Horror Story': 7 Things You Never Knew About the Freaky Fashion!
Cut to Hollywood, 1960 — Elsa Mars is getting her star on the recently created Walk of Fame. We'd seen an earlier bit about her doggedly trying to get a meeting with a network head but every one was mean to her except another German ex-pat. Turns out she made that "kind face" (played by David Burtka, which always leaves me wondering if he and husband Neil Patrick Harris have some sort of 2-for-1 pricing scale) her manager and then her spouse, got that Friday night show, won some Emmys, recorded a trio of hit records, and has a mansion and a couple of dogs named Showbiz and Box Office. Basically, all her dreams have come true, but when the camera goes behind the scenes of a coffee commercial, we realize Elsa is miserable, her marriage is a sham, she's clearly an alcoholic, and everyone believes they know what is the next best thing for her career. First on their agenda is to get Elsa to commit to a Halloween show. But remember way back when this whole thing started, we learned that freaks don't do Halloween.
She storms out to a prior engagement with... the legmaker. Man, I love any scene where Langston smolders together, but these star-crossed lovers are not allowed to be happy. She laments, "I have always been cursed — first by having my dreams ripped away, and now by having them all come true. Eight years ago, my birthday wish was simple: I just wanted to be loved. Little did I know that every step I would take since then would be one step further from making that wish come true." She admits that she is "bored and alone" and suggests fixing that by running away together. But Massimo is also "cursed with a dream that comes too late." He only has a month to live. Dumb lung and bone disease! (Side note: This news comes after he tells her of his work for the army in Vegas building villages for them to test atomic bombs on. This is pertinent given that rumors of a Hills Have Eyes-style nuclear-testing-gone-wrong Season 5 have been circulating, and the top hat clue certainly could point to Sin City.)
Related: Real-Life Inspirations Behind 'American Horror Story: Freak Show' Characters [Photos]
Mars is sent into a fermented tailspin, and the night is still young. In walks her husband and the studio head with more bad news. Gossip girl Hedda Hopper has gotten a hold of her 8mm snuff and S&M work and discovered her Jupiter freak show roots. She can't be bought off. She's running with it next week. Oh, and BT dubs, all of your former employees were slaughtered eight years ago, which apparently you never read about, even though I'm pretty sure that kind of freak village bloodshed and frozen food heir disappearance would have made the 5 o’clock news.
With nothing left to live for, she declares she will do that holiday special. "Why not let us all go out with a bang?" And so it ends as it began, with Elsa Mars in a suit belting Bowie. ("Heroes" this time.) Flash to the other survivors living happily ever after — Des with Theo Huxtable and two munchkins, and Jimmy with the preggers twins and a TV dinner. As hoped, Edward Mordrake, his green fog, and his gnarly gang (Twisty, you were missed!) appear to claim her soul. She reclaims her title, "I am the biggest freak of all." Mordrake takes her life but says, "Your place is not with us."
Mars is sent to the otherworldly version of her cabinet of curiosities, where she is reunited with all her babies including fan favorite Ma Petite and is still the headliner according to Ethel, who thankfully is back to give us one more taste of that awesome accent. "What the hell else are you supposed to do? You’re a terrible friend, a pain-in-the-ass boss, and you can't cook for shit. It ain't so bad around here. There's a full house every night."
She is shocked. "But I don't have to pay for my sins?"
"The sins of the living don't add up to much around here," Ethel reassures. "It's like you always said, sweetheart. 'Stars never pay.'"
Which is a terrible moral of the story, but not all together untrue.
