The Calm Before the Boy-Band Storm

The Atlantic Wire

The members of boy bands New Kids on the Block, 98 Degrees, and Boyz II Men announced Tuesday that they will be going on tour together this summer, because otherwise they'd have to get jobs. NKOTB will headline the tour, with Boyz II Men opening and 98 Degrees working the concession stands. The night before the big announcement, all the former boys went to dinner on the Lower East Side, where "it was a packed restaurant, but no one bothered them." Oh. Sigh. That's not a terribly auspicious way to kick off your big tour announcement! "Yeah the restaurant was full of people, but nobody recognized them or cared." Granted this was on the Lower East Side of Manhattan. Had the groups had dinner at a Macaroni Grill in a suburban shopping mall they might have fared better. Not because people on the Lower East Side don't know them or their music, but because people on the Lower East Side try way too hard to be cool, so they would never approach a celebrity, let alone members of boy bands that were popular when they were kids. But at the Macaroni Grill? Man, there's no pretension there, everyone is just doing as they do. So if they like Nick Lachey or Wanya Morris, they'll go up and tell Nick Lachey or Wanya Morris that very fact. Hopefully these dudes won't let their unnoticed dinner make them worry. They've got a big summer ahead of them. And a big springtime of planning. Who's gonna rent the van, who's gonna get the camping equipment, has anyone mapped out the parking lots and empty fields where they're going to set up their little stage and do the show? All big things that need figuring out. Also they should probably make sure they have the right permits and everything. We all remember what happened when O-Town tried to do their reunion tour. I think one of them's still in county jail. [Page Six]

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Here's a funny story from inauguration night. After the formal balls, the Obamas invited some of the cool kids over to the White House for an after-party. One of the invitees was Massachusetts governor Deval Patrick, who regaled The Boston Globe with one wonderful anecdote: "'I was talking to a charming young man and his girlfriend,' Patrick said. 'John Mayer and…Katy Perry. I had to be clued in.'" Ha. Hahaaa. Just think about Katy Perry having to try to explain to someone who she is. "I'm... Katy... Perry. I'm a singer? Of sorts? Yes, I'm a singer. I mean, I'm just... Katy Perry." That's one funny little thing about hearing about all these glitzy political events where entertainment industry celebrities mingle with political heavyweights. The celebrities always seem so intimidated! That is satisfying to think about, is it not? Not that these politicians should be revered as holy deities — because they are most certainly not (we're looking at you, Peter King) — but it is funny to think about Katy Perry saying "I'm a singer... A singer of songs. What do you do?" And then Deval Patrick saying, "I'm the governor of Massachusetts" and Katy Perry saying "Ohhh..." Nice that sometimes even the most seemingly un-humble-able people can be humbled. [The Boston Globe]

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Oh, and here are some photos from that saucy private party. They're down toward the bottom, past all the Lady Gaga photos from last night's saucy private party. Look at all the celebrities mingling! Look at the blurry photo of Michelle Obama dancing to "Single Ladies"! (Kal Penn is in the background.) Look at Barack hugging Swizz Beatz. They seem close! Also it's funny that Eric Benét was so ubiquitous. Guess there is life after Halle Berry! Halle Berry isn't at that party, is she? Obama really has done a lot to help people out. [Daily Mail]

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Going back to the top item but also combining some unauguration stuff, you know who did go to a suburban-style restaurant and did get recognized before a big day? Kelly Clarkson. The night before she sang at the Inauguration, Clarkson and a bunch of pals went to Buca di Beppo in Washington, D.C., and ate a big healthy meal of "lasagna, bruschetta, stuffed mushrooms, half-pound meatballs, spaghetti, chicken parmigiana -- and the always delicious colossal brownie." (The bill was apparently $230.) Yum! She then took some photos with kitchen staff and, feeling sated and satisfied, went off to get some rest before her big sing. And look how well it went. See, NKOTB and Boyz II Men and 98 Degrees? That's what you gotta do before a big event. Be with the people, eat the people's food. Forget the LES. Also, Beyoncé? What'd you do the night before? Pick over some quail eggs with Gwyneth Paltrow in her crystal hot air balloon? Just goes to show you. Proper preparation is everything. [TMZ]

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Alright, let's descend into some muck here. It seems that Kelly Osbourne — MTV reality star daughter turned obtuse E! red-carpet fashion correspondent — has gotten secretly engaged to a man named Matthew Mosshart. So, good for her. The article says that Mosshart is a "vegan baker," but I'm not sure I believe that. I mean, look at him. Just look at him. He is clearly some kind of elfin wizard. His name is Mosshart, for Galadriel's sake! Mosshart the Magnificent. He is clearly some kind of elfish sorcerer who knows a secret. There is no doubt about it. Let's hope, then, that this is real love and that Osbourne hasn't simply been hexed, all part of Mosshart's plan to get revenge on her father for all those bats he ate. "I am Mosshart! I speak for the woods and the trees and the squirrels and the bats! You have defiled the forest!" Then a wind blows his grand and voluminous hair and Ozzy knows he's in real trouble. [Us Weekly]

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Oh, so, yeah, Adrienne Maloof from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is for real dating Sean Stewart, son of Rod, who has been on both A&E's monstrously embarrassing Sons of Hollywood and VH1's tremendously sad Celebrity Rehab. Maloof is 19 years Stewart's senior, but the Maloof has gone and quoted Aaliyah and said that age ain't nothing but a number. She's right. But Sean Stewart also ain't nothing but a weird guy who does not seem very lucid most of the time, so. That could maybe be seen as a deterrent. More so than his age, at least. Or, OK, fine, forget his past weirdness. What about this? Shouldn't that be enough to say, "Nope, don't wanna date that?" If the Maloof can watch that and say, "Yup, still in," then fine, who are we to judge. And, really, vice versa. If Sean can watch any episode of Housewives in which the Maloof wears her weird hair sparkles and does all her Maloofy things and still want to date her? Then, hey, maybe it is true love. [Us Weekly]

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