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    Duggar Parents' Stillborn Baby Photos Stir Up Debate

    This story comes from the Yahoo! Contributor Network, where individuals publish their unique perspectives on some of the world’s most popular websites.
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    Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar, parents of TLC's "19 and Counting," lost child No. 20 in a second trimester miscarriage Dec. 11. At baby Jubilee Shalom's memorial service, photos showing the child's hands and feet sparked debate, says ABC News. Here are details about infant death rituals and the controversy they sometimes cause.

    Infant death customs

    Customs and procedures for infant and stillborn death vary. Age of viability, says the Endowment for Human Development, is about 20 to 24 weeks gestation. This is the age a baby could sustain life outside the womb and where state medical laws differentiate the fetus as a person, not just biological tissue. The body must be treated as a human being and buried or cremated, says Stateline. Some parents opt for a memorial service based on the dictates of their religious or philosophical beliefs.

    Death photo rituals

    The parenting custom of taking photos of a deceased infant or child is not new nor is the custom of showing the body after death. The custom of taking post-mortem photos in the casket was popular in generations past, says Arts at UCLA. Victorian parents often had photographs taken of deceased children and displayed as family portraits.

    Stillborn photos help some families grieve

    International Stillbirth Alliance says many parents find comfort in having photos of their stillborn infants. Hospital staff will often encourage grieving families to take pictures holding the deceased baby. Other birthing facilities create memory boxes with a lock of hair, a hospital bonnet and footprints of the child.

    Marilisa Kinney Sachteleben writes about parenting from 23 years raising four children and 25 years teaching K-8, special needs, adult education and home-school.

     
    • Eliza  •  Augusta, United States  •  5 mths ago
      Why is it anyones business if they choose to take photos? That is their right....the same right every parent that loses a baby they have to deliver gets. I myself chose not to because I was so upset and decided to imagine a chubby bouncing baby boy in Heaven.....but I will never forget my BABY....which he was at 17 weeks...not a fetus or tissue.
      • l5int 5 mths ago
        No one expects you to forget your baby. It has been 52 years since I lost my angel and I will never forget her but grief does not need to be shared with a tv audience and these people are not parents just producers of children.
      • VETSTER 5 mths ago
        I'm sure it wasn't them sharing it with the tv audience, it was more than likely tv intruding into a private moment in their lives!
      • Chermayne 5 mths ago
        They put it on tv so it became everyone's business....for instance Eliza what you do if you lose a child is no one's business because you are not on tv.
    • Loretta  •  Birmingham, United States  •  5 mths ago
      being a parent who has lost 2 children during birth the pictures do help with the grieving process. I see nothing wrong with the photos.... I believe children are a blessing from God above, not mistakes, each special gift is here or not here for a specific reason. Although I dont think having 19 children is my cup of tea, it is not for me to judge. Those children seem to be very polite well behaved hard working productive individuals. My heart and prayers go to their family..... there is no greater loss than the loss of your child, my heart still grieves for my children, and always will.
      • keymistress 5 mths ago
        Losing a child is very hard -- and not just when they are babies or small. I lost a son just short of his 38th birthday. You cope with it, but it never goes away.
      • Steph M 5 mths ago
        So, so true...
      • Kalish 5 mths ago
        I understand, I lost two due to miscarriage and then lost my first grand child when he was 2 months old to SIDS...The hurt numbs but never goes away completely.
    • Gemma Cheetham  •  London, United Kingdom  •  5 mths ago
      i recently lost my baby at 38 weeks i took pictures as keepsakes because i decided on a cremation an knew the only way i could see him again was to look back at the photos in my time of sorrow and its helped me a lot and still does. I had a picture of my Stillborn child at his cremation, he was beautiful, like a sleeping angel. I dont regret having a picture at his cremation. some people have funerals with opencaskets so why is having a picture of the babys hands and feet such a massive debate. People grieve in different ways and i for one send my heart out to them and send my respects to them. R.I.P litlle jubilee x
      • appalled 5 mths ago
        Beautifully written.
      • Mary 5 mths ago
        Gemma, my deepest sympathies for your loss. My personal feeling is that some people like myself feel that taking pictures is an absolute beautiful thing to do and have to not only help with the grieveing process but, to help with the remembering when the grieving has subsided. After all, I don't think anyone ever gets over the loss of a child.

        But, the public display for media purposes is disrespectul to Jubilee and should be kept for the private viewing of the family. Why did they have to post them on their public website and pass out handouts with the pictures on them during her memorial service? The problem isn't with the act of taking the pictures for pure loving reasons. The problem is the act of putting those same pictures out for publicity purposes only.

        I will keep you, your angel and Jubilee in my prayers.
      • john 5 mths ago
        God bless u sorry what u are going thur God well see u thur it
    • Tara  •  5 mths ago
      Why is this a debate? it is not uncommon for parents to want photos of stillborn children. how many children they have is irrelevant. If I were in their position I'd also want pictures that i'd cherish . every child is a gift and those are memories that some parents want to hold onto.
      • Sarah 5 mths ago
        Exactly. Why is it anyone's business how a family grieves? Being negative about it makes things worse and that is NOT something this family needs.
    • K  •  Bartlesville, United States  •  5 mths ago
      Unless you have lost a child via stillbirth, and miscarriage, (I was dealt both) don't criticize. I thank God the nurse who took care of us had a heart of gold, and took several pictures of my son. We were also able to hold, and say goodbye to him....as hard as it was, I am thankful. Life is real the instant a heart beats, if you disagree, then stop yours, and see what happens.
    • JoAnn I  •  Raleigh, United States  •  5 mths ago
      These folks seriously believe in the sanctity of life....I am not a fan of their particular denomination....but clearly they saw this fetus, baby, infant, as a real person who deserved to be honored and grieved over. My brother lost a 9 month baby, and they took pictures. I never had the courage to look at them but it meant something to them. Should we really dictate how people should grieve??? Really?
    • unknown  •  Cashton, United States  •  5 mths ago
      I think we have no right to judge, this is their child, Let them handle this the way they need and see fit.
      • ! 5 mths ago
        When you display aspects of your life for public consumption, the public has every right to judge the choices that you make. Judging people is how we determine who are friends are and who we marry. it is completely unreasonable to expect people not to form an opinion (judge) about a situation like this.
      • Rita 5 mths ago
        Of course, people will have their opinions, but perhaps they should keep those opinions to themselves.
      • unknown 5 mths ago
        To the person who commented that because they have chose to be in the public eye we do have the right to judge. My upbringing was that only one person has that right and I wont be judged by him until I get to the pearly gates. I dont pass judgement on others , it is not my place.
    • MonaH  •  Greensboro, United States  •  5 mths ago
      I lost my only child, daughter Brooke, at 19.5 weeks. Being able to look at her pictures 20+ years later is still comforting to me--as bizarre as this may sound--because it gives validity to her short life. For those of us who value life from the moment we discover its existence inside of us, our bond with that being grows exponentially as each day passes. I learned through my experience that there is no right or wrong way to honor the life lost and move forward, therefore we should respect whatever works for the mother & her family.
    • Kathy  •  Collinsville, United States  •  5 mths ago
      Why are we even talking about this. This was a LIFE and if this is how they want to remember her then let it be!!!
    • momto3  •  Wheeling, United States  •  5 mths ago
      whatever they chose to do is their business.....unless you have lost a child in this manner, hold your tongue. I had a stillborn baby and I love the pics taken at the hospital, they are my most important treasures!!
    • girliegh_girl  •  Rochester, United States  •  5 mths ago
      i have my grandaughter noel's photos of her they bring her mum comfort. theres no debate its a personal choice
    • Mia  •  Fayetteville, United States  •  5 mths ago
      The photos were beautiful to me. That's their baby and their loss... How can someone sane actually have a problem with that. I know people that take photos of people in caskets at funerals all the time. I had a friend that suffered several miscarriages and she took photos of her infant because she wanted to remember her daughter and to show others. Also because that pregnancy was the longest of all the miscarriages. God bless you Duggar family during your time of grief.
    • Ricki  •  Las Vegas, United States  •  5 mths ago
      Do what you have to to heal.
    • NicholeK  •  Dallas, United States  •  5 mths ago
      Must be a slow news day. Good grief! No pun intended. Why is this news? I mean let people grieve however they need to! I see nothing wrong with the photos. Let them grieve in peace!
    • Jes  •  Raleigh, United States  •  5 mths ago
      People have been taking photos of dead loved ones (old and young) for over a century...why is this such a big deal?
    • Susan  •  Cincinnati, United States  •  5 mths ago
      when a women who wants a child finds out she is pregnant she begins to invision her babys whole life..when that ends suddenly its heart breaking no matter at what stage to them they lost a child call it what u want and no child ever replaces another..so sorry for your loss...
    • Tracey  •  5 mths ago
      I don't think the photo's are wrong - every person grieves differently and if they need that then they should not face criticism from others.,. However, I think it's time that Michelle stop having children... 19 is more than enough and the problems she had with her last pregnancy and now this stillborn would be an indication to me that her body is just worn out! I understand that their multiple children are a part of their religious beliefs. I don't think that God would hold it against her to enjoy the children she has and now enjoy her grandchildren....
    • TeriM  •  Boise, Idaho  •  5 mths ago
      being a mother of a stillborn infant I can tell you the pictures are comforting to us! I have had friends hurt my feelings deeply telling me it was morbid to have my son's pictures, but until you lose a child you can't comprehend the process.
    • Bosoxinny  •  5 mths ago
      That's all fine and dandy, but why display them to the public?
    • Mya  •  Warren, United States  •  5 mths ago
      I think it is beautiful. The tiny little feet and fingers show how precious and fragile life is.
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