Everyday household objects more qualified for public office than Trump's cabinet
As Trump slowly fills out his cabinet, Clinton supporters and #NeverTrumpers alike are silently watching as the democracy they've always loved face plants in front of their very eyes.
People who've never held elected office or who were best known for their leadership in the alt-right movement now have some of the most powerful jobs in the world. For millions of Americans, the appointments are jarring, leading them to believe that anyone — anything — would be better than these people.
SEE ALSO: A rat holding a bunch of keys and other predictions I have for President Trump's cabinet
Below is a list of everyday household items that would be conceivably more qualified and less dangerous for Trump's America than the people he's chosen.
1. For the position of HUD secretary: this vacuum cleaner
Image: nikkytok/ap images
Ben Carson appears to be Trump's top pick for Security of Housing and Urban Development. Carson, who ran for president, recently admitted that "he has no government experience, he's never run a federal agency." This vacuum cleaner has conceivably spent more time (picking up crumbs) in the Oval Office than Carson has, and at least it doesn't believe that pyramids were built to store grain.
2. For Attorney General: the sock I found on my living room floor
Image: Michal Ludwiczak
From the outside, the sock may not look like much. But at least it didn't receive an endorsement from former KKK member David Duke and never once called the NAACP "un-American." Vote sock for Attorney General!
3. For National Security Advisor: this adorable Beanie Baby
Say what you will about Beanie Babies, but at least they didn't say that "Islamism" is a "vicious cancer" in the bodies of all Muslims that "has to be excised" like retired Lt. Gen. Michael Flynn. This bear doesn't want to have a war with Iran — it just wants to be cuddled while we're having a war with Iran. Go Beanie Baby Go!
4. For Chief White House Strategist: this roll of paper towels
Image: photobalance/ap images
Who do you want to direct federal policy: one of the prime leaders of the alt-right who wants to "bitch-slap the Republican Party," or these innocent rolls of paper towels, who just want to clean up your mess?
5. For Vice President: this beautiful Christmas wreath
Image: wikimedia
Millions of Americans would probably prefer to have this seasonal, affordable Christmas wreath for Vice President than a man who wanted to take away funding for AIDS research and supports conversion therapy for LGBTQ people.
6. For Chief of Staff: a Roomba
Image: coffeekai/ap images
For many, Roombas and Reince Preibus are basically the same thing: independently moving robots, except Roombas can at least play cool music sometimes.
7. For Director of the CIA: the pillow that you cry into every night
Image: Africa Studio/ap images
Who do you trust to hold your secrets: your soft pillow that you whisper all your secrets into, or Mike Pompeo, who appears to be super keen on reinstating waterboarding and other forms of torture?
8. For Secretary of Defense: this wooden door
Image: koldunova/ap images
This wooden door may be more likely to prevent terrorist attacks than a retired Marine general who once proudly exclaimed, "It's fun to shoot some people!"
9. For Secretary of Education: this lamp
Image: destina/ap images
Say what you will about lamps, but they shed more light into the world than Betsy DeVos, who some worry will destroy public schools.
America, you decide.