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YOUR FRIENDS' ACTIVITY

    Ex-Girlfriend Wants To Remain Friends, But Without Benefits

    By Abigail Van Buren | Dear Abby – Wed, Feb 22, 2012

    DEAR ABBY: I dated a guy named "Jake" for two years. He was my first love and he meant everything to me. Well, things happened and he broke my heart.

    After a year of not really talking, Jake is now texting and calling to convince me to be his "friend with benefits." He tries to sweet-talk me by calling me pet names. Of course, I say no over and over each time he asks on the phone. But the minute we come face-to-face or hang out, I just give in.

    There will always be a soft spot for Jake in my heart, and I don't know what to do. I want to stay friends because he's important to me, but I don't want to be his FWB. It brings back painful memories.

    How do I say no? Am I overreacting? Should I go with the flow because it's not a big deal? I feel like I'm in a script for a bad movie. -- WANTS TO MOVE ON IN HOUSTON

    DEAR WANTS TO MOVE ON: Your ex-boyfriend appears to be a super salesman. The best way not to buy what he's selling is not to listen to his pitch. The sooner you accept you can't be "friends" because you lose control whenever you see him, the sooner you'll be able to write a happy ending to this drama. As long as you sleep with Jake you will not be able to replace him with someone who can give you what you want and deserve, which is a real relationship.

    DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of three years, "Patrick," is smart, successful and wonderful in every way. He dresses extremely well with attention to detail. Many of his friends call him a "metrosexual."

    Patrick never had braces as a child. Now, as an adult, his teeth have caved in and are very unattractive. It surprises me that he would let his teeth go or hasn't noticed how crooked and deformed they are. I'm afraid to mention it in case it would hurt his feelings. As we are thinking about marriage, the prospect of having to look at Patrick's bad teeth, that will likely worsen with age, is a deterrent.

    Am I being petty and superficial or should I suggest adult braces? Patrick can more than afford them and isn't afraid of pain or going to the doctor. My own lower teeth could use some work, so maybe I could suggest we both get braces. I'm not sure what to do. -- BRACING FOR AN ANSWER IN BOULDER

    DEAR BRACING: By all means talk to your boyfriend about the condition of his mouth as well as good dental health. If his teeth are as crooked as you have described, his bite is probably also off -- which can cause jaw problems when he's older. Your idea of getting braces with him is a good one, and I agree it's worth pursuing because you won't appear to be criticizing him. I hope he heeds your suggestion.

    DEAR ABBY: My landlord likes to wander around the yard and driveway wearing only a towel around his waist. Sometimes he goes out of his way to talk with me while "dressed" that way. Should I be concerned? -- CALIFORNIA RENTER

    DEAR RENTER: Probably not, unless his towel "slips," or California experiences more gale-force winds such as the ones that occurred last December.

    Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

    To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price.

     
    • Mary Justice
      Mary Justice  •  Cleveland, Ohio  •  2 mths ago
      friends with benifits is the most stupid thing thats come about in the last decade. How can any women be a 'special friend' when there is always the risk of getting pregnant? Ladies, we need to close our legs and tell the men if they want it they got to put a ring on it, just like Beyonce said.
    • HRH Posh Pooch!
      HRH Posh Pooch!  •  2 mths ago
      Put some clothes on! That's sexual harassment! If it happens again... you'll be paying ME rent, mister!
    • Essie Yolanda
      Essie Yolanda  •  Charleston, West Virginia  •  2 mths ago
      LW3: Next time, just start laughing hysterically. When he asks why you are laughing, just tell him that he just reminded you of your dad. Tell him that your dad was standing at the fridge in a towel one day, and he accidentally gave you a full moon that sent you screaming out of the room. Make sure to giggle extra when you tell him how em-barr-ased your dad was. Bet the landlord quits.
    • dw
      dw  •  Paramus, New Jersey  •  3 mths ago
      FWB If you really want to see what kind of guy Jake is, tell him you are late for your period. He will leave you alone completely. As long as you are his fallback for a easy piece he will keep calling. Let him think you might be pregnant and he will run for the hills.
      • nanchan
        nanchan 3 mths ago
        an he'll accuse you of sleeping with a lot of men.... after all, if you sleep with him without any commitment, you must be sleeping with a lot of other men, right? (sarcasm there friends!)
      • Norman
        Norman 3 mths ago
        Another case of cousins getting hooked up, bound for the trash heap of relationships. Moths to flames in her case if it wasn't him it would be some other slob
      • KELLYC
        KELLYC 2 mths ago
        That is horrible! please do not use the only important thing in this world to manipulate a man no matter the reason! Instead try saying the word NO!
    • nanchan
      nanchan  •  3 mths ago
      LW1: Honey, you are not his friend. He's playing you. Stop taking his calls, don't answer his emails, cut him OUT of your life now. Start dating other guys. Remember this: he's using you.
      • M D
        M D 3 mths ago
        Why is she s victim? She is weak, stupid and needs to get a life. The boyfriend has fun and she also has fun or why would she sleep with him. Women are not victims, they are the world's great manipulators and she wannts what he has.
      • My Name
        My Name 3 mths ago
        @MD ... thank you, saved me time typing it myself. Really tired of this nonsense. She likes to have sex with him and his attention. I wouldn't be surprised if she really has a current BF too. An article 2 days ago stated that 50% of kids born in the USA are now born illegitimate. This is why.
      • Carrie
        Carrie 3 mths ago
        Wow, M D, projecting your own women-hating issues much? I don’t see anywhere in the post you are supposedly “responding” to where it calls her a victim. It just says he’s using her and if she doesn’t want that kind of relationship the only solution is to cut him out of her life, which is true.
    • GloomCookie613
      GloomCookie613  •  3 mths ago
      LW#1: Step away from Jake. A HUGE step away. If you feel you owe him some sort of explanation, by all means send him a brief email explaining that you simply can't keep doing this. Tell him that in order for you to move on with your you can't have him buzzing in your ear, looking for a booty call. And lastly, tell him that you have some self respect left and refuse to let him keep using you. You're better than that. You deserve more than he's willing to give. Wish him well in his future and then never speak to him again.

      It's going to sting, no doubt, but worse is to have your heart broken over and over again and one day wake and realize, "I've wasted so much of my life!" Cut your ties with Jake. He doesn't respect you. You're just a pair of familiar pants and easy to get into to him. You can't be friends with someone who treats you poorly and has no respect for you.
      • Watcher
        Watcher 3 mths ago
        Are you still here? I have a question that requires a knowledge of websites.
      • Shannon
        Shannon 3 mths ago
        It starts with www.
      • GloomCookie613
        GloomCookie613 3 mths ago
        What's up Watcher?
    • is what it is
      is what it is  •  3 mths ago
      #3: I am a landlord, and my tenants have NEVER seen me in just a towel.
      • ARCHER
        ARCHER 3 mths ago
        Well then, you are not a fun landlord! I want my deposit back. Expect me to live in your apartment and won't even show a little leg... What is world coming to?
      • Thinker Clifford ☰ ➔ ☷
        Thinker Clifford ☰ ➔ ☷ 3 mths ago
        LOL! So you don't even bother to use a towel when you are out wandering around? :-)
      • Watcher
        Watcher 3 mths ago
        They're probably so tired of you in those spandex shorts they'd enjoy the towel. :)
    • nanchan
      nanchan  •  3 mths ago
      LW3: Your landlord is creepy and by talking to you dressed like that he's blurring the bondaries between landlord and ... oh I don't know what. Is he married? If so, talk to his wife about it and suggest he wear a robe at least. If not, next time he talks to you like that say "I can tell that you aren't ready to talk to me yet, why don't you come back when you've had a chance to get dressed?" He'll get the hint.
      • Peace
        Peace 3 mths ago
        No - he may retaliate if you mention it to the wife!! She may give him grief and it'll take it out on you - she also will side with him - to you.
        Just keep boundaries between you and landlord and look for another place. He knows what he is doing. Californian's don't all wear towels outside with nothing on= he's hoping to suggest curiosity. Stay out of his way - don't let him in alone. Leave the door open if he has to come in. Serious. I know a thing or two.
      • Barbara Corry
        Barbara Corry 3 mths ago
        " I can gell that you aren't ready to talk to me yet.." Nice,effective, inoffensive way to tell him to put on some clothes, Nanchan.
    • Rebecca M
      Rebecca M  •  Richardson, Texas  •  3 mths ago
      L1 - You're giving Jake a free pass to take terrible advantage of you. You don't have a "friends with benefits" situation. You have an ex and a heartache hangover. There's a big difference.
    • Fortuna
      Fortuna  •  3 mths ago
      Don't talk to Jake. Don't meet him. Don't be easy prey.
    • kayray
      kayray  •  3 mths ago
      LW3: Seriously? If your landlord was wandering around in a towel and talking to little kids he'd be called a pervert, but as long as he's doing it in front of you you'll keep your mouth shut? This behavior is wrong whether he realizes it or not and as long as you say nothing and continue to chat with him you're encouraging it.
    • Rick S
      Rick S  •  Denver, Colorado  •  3 mths ago
      LW1 -
      "How do I say no?" It's easy, "no".
      "Am I overreacting?" No. See how easy that was?
      "Should I go with the flow because it's not a big deal?" No. Again, see how easy that was?

      "Should I jam a rusty nail into my eyeball?" No. See how I did that? Wow, it gets easier everytime you say it. Practice. You'll like it.
    • Shannon
      Shannon  •  3 mths ago
      3. Again, really? Yes, you should be concerned..either that your landlord doesn't have to mental awareness that he is dressed inappropriately or that he is a pervert.
    • Shawn
      Shawn  •  Ridgefield Park, New Jersey  •  3 mths ago
      Sorry abby...have to disagree on lw3...that's not only inappropriate, but creepy!
    • ARCHER
      ARCHER  •  3 mths ago
      #1 Easy.. Stay away from Jake. He just wants sex, he even told you that. If you want this guy, then you must make him follow your rules. If he doesn't want to follow then tell him to find some other FWB. How can you expect him to respect you, when you don't even respect you?
    • Cat M
      Cat M  •  3 mths ago
      LW3 Are you serious? Tell him to come back out to talk after he gets dressed.
    • Snow Bunny-Rebel
      Snow Bunny-Rebel  •  Abbyville, Kansas  •  3 mths ago
      If I read "Why buy the cow......" one more time, well it just won't be pretty. Can't y'all find something more original?
    • Watcher
      Watcher  •  3 mths ago
      LW1 & 3 - Have you no boundaries, have you no self respect, have you no warning system?
    • Thinker Clifford ☰ ➔ ☷
      Thinker Clifford ☰ ➔ ☷  •  Angels Camp, California  •  3 mths ago
      LW #2, Oh oh, Abby really missed an important signal. If you are afraid to mention something as important as that to your BF, then the two of you are far, far from ready for marriage, for that requires a lot of communication; communication that can be uncomfortable for both of you. Instead of focusing on braces right now, you two need to woman up and man up and go get some pre-marital counseling where you must request that you two be guide in learning how to deal with these kinds of thing.
    • Angie
      Angie  •  3 mths ago
      L#1 Either wake up to the fact sleeping with him won't bring him back into a relationship or stop making excuses for doing what you want to be doing......

      And I actualy think Jake is playing farely and honestly....he told you up front all he wanted was a friend with benifits.......you walked into it with your eyes open....Walk out the same way.
     Post a comment
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