DEAR ABBY: Since Halloween is nearly here, I have a question about trick-or-treating. Last year on Halloween I was sitting down for an early dinner that was planned for 5 p.m. so we wouldn't be disturbed by trick-or-treaters.
Suddenly the doorbell rang. When I answered, I was bombarded with requests for candy from three boys who live down the street. It was still light outside.
I told them to come back later, when I wasn't eating dinner. I wanted to teach them that they shouldn't overextend the holiday and disrupt other people's lives. An hour later I received a call from the boys' mother scolding me for sending them away.
I was just trying to get a bit of peace and quiet before the festivities. Was I wrong not to give them candy and ask them to come back later? -- TREAT CHEATER IN CONCORD, CALIF.
DEAR TREAT CHEATER: I think so. The boys' mother may not have wanted them out after dark, which is why she started them on their rounds early. Halloween is the day for trick-or-treating, and part of the "treat" is seeing the children's excitement and their costumes. To have expected peace and quiet with kids in the neighborhood was unrealistic. Think back to your own childhood and, when the doorbell rings, answer it and be welcoming.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 14-year-old girl and still wet the bed. I have tried to stop, but it doesn't do any good. Some of my family members know about my situation, but none of my friends do. I'm not sure how to stop because I have tried not drinking anything two hours before I go to bed, but wake up every three hours to use the bathroom. -- EMBARRASSED IN HOUSTON
DEAR EMBARRASSED: If your pediatrician doesn't know about your problem, he or she should be told so you can be examined to make sure there is nothing physically wrong with you. There are medications that can help you overcome your problem. There are also devices called bedwetting alarms that can solve the problem. To find out more about them, search for "bedwetting alarm" on Google.
DEAR ABBY: We have two family weddings coming up soon. One of our cousins has Down syndrome, among other medical problems. He's a grown man, but he has the mental capacity and manners of a 7-year-old. His parents don't discipline him and he is out of control. He screams and talks loudly and will jump around on the dance floor and run into couples while they are trying to dance. His parents bring him to special occasions, even when it's "adults only."
The upcoming weddings will have receptions afterward and adult-only dances. Don't his parents have any common sense? This family has the attitude that if he isn't invited, then they won't go. I have reached the point that it is fine with me. How do we make it clear that he is not welcome? It would be a shame to pay thousands of dollars for a wedding and have it ruined by his behavior. Most people probably won't understand my point of view. What do you think? -- NERVOUS IN UTAH
DEAR NERVOUS: Regardless of your cousin's age, because of his parents' inability to control his behavior he should not be invited to the weddings. Because they have the attitude that if he is not invited they won't go, that's their choice. Make your wishes clear, and your problem will be solved.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)
- Family & Relationships
- DEAR ABBY