When the holidays end and couples in a rocky relationship emerge on the other side, they often expect a "Christmas miracle" to have happened, for their troubles to have fixed themselves. Not surprisingly, that doesn't typically happen. It could be this realization; tight finances after over-spending during the holiday season; or an "out with the old, in with the new" mentality that contributes to January having the highest divorce rate (http://bit.ly/xTjIpS). But Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil says - before someone decides to return their spouse, along with the unwanted presents, to wherever they came from, take some time to consider making up, not breaking up.
(PRWEB) January 14, 2012
"Couples that divorce in January may do so because they realize things haven't gotten better and see the new year as a chance for a new start," theorizes Dr. Bonne. "It is a time to commit to fresh starts; but instead of walking away from a relationship, why not commit to really pursuing a solution if that hasn't been on the table before." There are a few radical moves Dr. Bonnie suggests, that can kickstart the commitment to work things out.
Couples should have an affair with their partner - treat each other like they did at the beginning. Dr. Bonnie notes the adage that "we only hurt the ones we love" is especially true in relationships. "People tend to show their best selves to the people who play less-important roles in their lives." Aside from learning to be nice to each other again, and learning to treat each other respectfully, couples should bring back things they did when they first met – and feel free to spice it up. Make these activities a top priority!
Break up to make up. Dr. Bonnie calls this the "brush with death." A temporary break up can help resolve certain issues, and creates a shake-up that many couples need. In certain circumstances, this is the only thing that will create an action step which will make reconnecting and making up easier to do. Remember that creating this strategy – and it MUST be a strategy, not something entered into half-heartedly - is not the end of the relationship, but rather a new beginning.
Make a decision to fall in love again. "Fidelity isn't something that can be magically restored over the holidays, or through a New Year's resolution - it results from intent to REMAIN in love," notes Dr. Bonnie. These types of commitments don't just happen. A strong relationship may feel fun and exciting at first, but it's not based on those feelings! It's normal that these initial impulses start to fade, but couples have to commit to growing their love stronger than it was before. In some cases, couples may need the extreme feeling of experiencing life without the other person in order to determine how much they meant.
Dr. Bonnie urges couples who haven't considered all their options, aside from divorce, to try some of these suggestions: "Hopefully they can help more relationships from becoming January casualties!"
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Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil's best-selling book, Adultery the Forgivable Sin is being re-released under a new distributor and making its appearance available in eBook format and print on Amazon.com (http://www.amazon.com/Adultery-Forgivable-Bonnie-Eaker-Weil/dp/1587768151/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1321019076&sr=8-1). Adultery the Forgivable Sin was also made into a Lifetime Original Movie starring Kate Jackson.
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, PhD, is also author of the 2010 New York Times Reader’s Choice Award-winning book Make Up Don’t Break Up with accompanying DVD Falling in Love and Staying In Love. Dr. Bonnie counsels couples, singles, and step families. She works with those considering breaking up, people who have committed adultery, and couples who want to strengthen their relationships damaged by resentment or unresolved anger, teaching people to “fight” to increase passion, bring back magic and restore the sizzle. Dr. Bonnie teaches Smart Heart Dialogue along with communication and connection tools, and counsel’s families and children.
Named the Best Local Therapist by the US Commerce Association and known as “The Adultery Buster” and the “No. 1 Love Expert,” she is the best-selling author of other books like Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples (Revised edition Feb 2010, including DVD How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples), Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?, How Not to (S)mother Your Man and Keep a Woman Happy, and Financial Infidelity.
Dr. Bonnie is presently featured and available now on the Discovery Health/Oprah Winfrey Network documentary titled "Unfaithful" and A&E on addictions. ABC’s Good Morning America, a three-day series on NBC’s The Today Show, The Oprah Winfrey Show five times, a four day series on Fox TV regarding dating. She appears frequently on ABC, Fox, CBS and NBC News, The View, 20/20, and CNN. Visit Dr. Bonnie at http://www.DoctorBonnie.com.
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Dr.Bonnie Weil
Dr.Bonnie Eaker Weil
212-685-9236
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