What’s the right way to ask for a raise? And how do you deal with a coworker you just don’t get along with? Wharton and Columbia Business School Professors Adam Galinsky and Maurice Schweitzer sat down with Yahoo Finance recently to discuss strategies for better negotiating and conflict resolution from their new book “Friend and Foe: When to Cooperate, When to Compete, and How to Succeed at Both”.
Dealing with a ‘foe’ at the office
Office conflicts are bound to arise, especially in competitive work environments. The first step to sorting out a disagreement with a coworker is to back off for a while and try to identify the cause of the conflict, Galinsky says. Here’s his five-step process to diffuse the tension:
Create some distance. The first step to resolving a conflict with a colleague is to create some distance. “Although face-to-face contact often increases rapport, when people are angry and competitive, face-to-face meetings can escalate conflict,” Galinsky says.
Identify common enemies. In the book, the authors point to history to show how common enemies can unify competitors. France and the U.S. joined forces to battle the British in the American Revolutionary War. We all know how that ended. In the workplace, finding a common enemy — or, more realistically, a common goal — can unite opposing forces. “When we put ourselves on the same team pursuing the same goal, we can transform highly competitive people into great collaborators,” Galinsky says.
Identify where the enmity and conflict is coming from. All tension has a source, and the authors suggest taking a step back to reflect on what caused the rift in the first place. “Is there a structural competition for scarce resources? Or is it personal? Once you figure out what drives the conflict, you can take actions to diffuse the conflict,” Galinsky says. “For example, does this person see you as a threat to their own chance of advancement? If so, think of ways in which you can both succeed together and build bridges so they see you as a potential friend rather than foe.”
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Defuse the tension. If the source of the tension has to do with something you’ve personally done, the authors say an apology can go a long way toward finding a resolution. (Easier said than done, of course.)
Recognize that conflict is OK. One of the best parts of growing up is learning that not everyone is going to like you all the time — and that’s OK. “Constructive outcomes can emerge from conflict, but only when the conflict is focused on differences in ideas and is not mean spirited,” Galinsky says.
Negotiate your salary with success
Galinsky and Schweitzer both agree what the best bargaining chip for salary negotiations is: another job offer. But of course, having multiple job offers at any given time is an unusual feat. They offer additional tips to help you negotiate better.
Develop your alternatives. “The better your alternatives are, the more credibility and leverage you have in asking for a higher salary,” Galinsky says. “Don’t suspend your job search until you have a signed contract. And always be open to outside overtures even if you love your job.”
Seek information. Schweitzer advises asking people who understand the kind of work you do to suggest reasonable salary expectations. Ask them these questions: Can you learn what peers in comparable positions and similar organizations earn? What is the high end of the salary range and what skills and experience do those high earners have? How unique and important are your skills to your current or prospective organization?
It can be a touchy subject to bring up with colleagues or friends, but there are plenty of resources online as well, like Salary.com or Glassdoor.com. “You can go back to your alma mater and even ask your career services department for help,” says Schweitzer.
Build relationships. It’s never a bad thing when the person who can vouch for your raise also happens to like you. “You want to develop relationships with your negotiating counterpart, potential employers, and key contacts,” Galinsky says. “By creating a personal connection with your counterpart, you will increase the probability that they will work with rather than against you.”
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Mandi Woodruff is a reporter for Yahoo Finance and host of the weekly podcast Brown Ambition. Follow her on Tumblr or Facebook.
