FTW vs. WTF: The TV Week in Review (September 7–13)
This is it, your last chance to turn back before the 2014-2015 TV season begins in earnest. Unless you're looking forward to watching people be physically and psychologically tortured, waiting for a laughtrack to tell you to chuckle at a gay guy making sports jokes, or witnessing Katherine Heigl alternate between "goofball coworker" and "serious CIA agent," you might want to pack your bags and find a nice cave to live in for awhile. Bring an extension cord, a television, and your Gilmore Girls DVD box set, and keep your phone turned on so we can let you know when it's safe to come out because The Americans has returned. And if you do stick around, don't say we didn't warn you about The Mysteries of Laura and all the other new "gems" heading your way! And now let's take a look at what we liked and didn't like about the last seven days in television, because we're a little worried about the weeks ahead!
SPOILER ALERT: If you haven't finished watching this week's new episodes (Teen Wolf's Season 4 finale, Outlander's brutal "The Garrison Commander," Sons of Anarchy's Season 7 premiere, etc.), we suggest that you hold off on reading this story until you do.
FTW:
Big Brother builds its Derrick vs. Frankie rivalry to a fever pitch
It's always fascinating to watch the reality series find a narrative through-line in any given season, and as the sixteenth edition nears its conclusion, the producers have finally unearthed a real gem in the (generally unspoken) competition between Derrick and Frankie. While they discovered the "Derrick is the mastermind of it all" bit weeks ago, things have really picked up steam since they started framing Frankie as a more villainous (or at least more annoying) figure. This week's episodes focused almost exclusively on the pair, even down to selective clips of the jury house discussing each houseguest's gameplay and validity as a possible winner. There are still three other contestants left in the game, but we can't imagine a Big Brother 16 world that doesn't conclude with some kind of true Derrick-Frankie showdown.
FTW:
Some actual ducks reenacted out the opening theme to Duck Tales (woo hoo)
Let's just take a moment to contemplate how much work it must've taken to make this live-action duck play happen. They had to get ducks that could act. They had to think of a way for a duck to actually swim through something that looked like money. They probably listened to that song 80 quadrillion times. Not to mention they had to put a duck in space! This must've cost a fortune.
All told, it was a big week for Duck Tales nostalgia and getting the (totally radical) theme song stuck in your head, because here's another video, this time with your favorite movie characters singing the catchy tune:
FTW:
Outlander doesn't hold back
It feels strange to put this in FTW—after all, a man was flogged so brutally that his back was raw and the floor was slick with pools of blood—but Outlander really went for it this week, and for that it deserves to be recognized. In "The Garrison Commander," Claire came face-to-face with Black Jack Randall for the first time since the series premiere, and we watched through our fingers as the episode flashed back to his disgusting and devastating beating of Jamie. For a minute it seemed as if Black Jack was repentant, but then we realized he really is every bit the asshole we thought he was. Poor Jamie. Poor Claire. Poor us.
FTW:
Teen Wolf wraps up Season 4 without an ending, but that's okay
The MTV monster drama focused heavily on the Benefactor storyline for the bulk of its fourth season, which didn't leave much time to deal with the shady, sewer-laid plans of Peter and Kate until Monday's season finale. After Liam finally got through to Berserker Scott—who then put the smackdown on Peter—Kate took off for parts unknown, Argent left with the Calaveras crew in pursuit of his sister, and Peter was locked up with Doctor Valack in Eichen House's own Arkham Asylum. "Smoke and Mirrors" was an action-packed episode that felt more like set-up for Season 5 than a conclusive season finale, but that is 100 percent fine with us because it was awesome. Even if Derek turned into a real wolf.
FTW:
You're the Worst goes back in time to figure out where everything went right and wrong
FX's comedy flashed back to the pre-Jimmy and Gretchen days to show us how they ended up on their collision course with one another, then revealed more of their encounter at the wedding from the pilot, and then returned the present day to check in on how things are going post-break-up. That's how you pack in a lot into a 30-minute sitcom!
FTW:
Ohio State's marching band pays tribute to TV
They're not called "the best damn band in the land" for nothing! One of the only bright spots of the recent Ohio State/Virgina Tech game was the halftime performance, which celebrated several classic TV shows. While playing the iconic theme songs of The Simpsons, M*A*S*H, The Brady Bunch, and even Game of Thrones, among others, the band put our walking-while-chewing-gum skills to shame with its impressive marching patterns, moving seamlessly between Bart Simpson on a skateboard, M*A*S*H*'s helicopter, and more. If they're looking for suggestions for a future Part 2, might we suggest tackling Breaking Bad (perhaps in the shape of a cool-looking Heisenberg head?) or Friday Night Lights (it should be easy to outline the state of Texas, no)?
FTWTF:
Marcus and Lacy's Bachelor in Paradise engagement
We're seriously gonna miss this show—or at least its kindly raccoon. After about two weeks of getting to know each other in a haze of sunshine, free booze, and at least one hookup each with someone else, power couple Marcus and Lacy took a big next step when Marcus popped the question on the beach. As ABC's adult Spring Breakers came to a close, Lacy and her extremely white teeth and fluttering eyelashes became the star of Paradise, and Marcus's earnest cooing and love-professing became the most nauseating and boring part of what was ultimately a perfect late-summer reality series. Together, they make a true FTWTF couple and we wish them the best in their manufactured love. Hopefully they know each other's last names.
FTWTF:
The Leftovers ends oh so Leftoversy
Was the Season 1 finale a meditative look at existentialism in the face of grief, loss, and recovery? Or was it a collection of disjointed images and tickling piano riffs designed to add false significance to what was happening? Can we say "both"? (Either way, we'll be back for Season 2.)
FTWTF:
Sons of Anarchy is back and bloodier than ever
There wasn't really anything to dislike about the biker drama's Season 7 premiere—it was mostly set-up for the final showdown between SAMCRO and the Chinese—but there wasn't a lot to love, either, especially once we realized that Gemma feels no remorse for murdering Tara. That woman can justify anything, which is definitely more difficult to watch than Jax stabbing a fork into a dude's head as revenge.
FTWTF:
FOOTBALL!!!
America's favorite pastime involving violence and beer commercials has returned in full force, and it only took until the end of Week 1 for the NFL to be at the forefront of the public's mind for all the wrong reasons. The Ray Rice video was kind of a big deal, and now Adrian Peterson has been indicted on charges of child abuse. BUT HEY! Thursday Night Football made its much-anticipated debut on CBS, and despite all the negative press about the league and its players, CBS's telecast was HUGE, drawing an average of almost 20 million viewers and tons of young males.
WTF:
OMG Graceland killed Mike (those bastards)
Granted, Mike himself had been kind of a bastard all season long, but he was trying to atone for it at the end there. Sadly, after an ill-advised trip south of the border to save his housemates, it appears that Mike may have paid the ultimate price—especially with Graceland's third season far from a sure thing.
WTF:
Under the Dome solved another crisis by waiting it out
When a spinning Dome caused freezing temperatures in Chester's Mill and made a popsicle out of at least one citizen (sorry, Tom's wife!), the town's residents put their heads together and... just waited for the problem to take care of itself, which happened practically on cue when the sun came out and warmed things up. Maybe it was all that driving around in a Prius that fixed the Domal Warming?
WTF:
Fox does not find Utopia
The network's big gamble on a pioneering version of Big Brother is a total dud, failing to update the typical "throw a bunch of opposites into a confined space and film 'em" set-up. Viewership for Episode 2 dropped to a mere 2.5 million viewers, meaning Fox now has to figure out what to do with a show that's a ratings black hole—not once, but twice a week. But hey, at least that Beatnik host is cool!
WTF:
Boardwalk Empire is back and Nucky is a sad boy
We won't beat this drum too much more, but considering there are only eight episodes in Boardwalk Empire's final season, it wasn't particularly thrilling to see the show return with a supersize helping of flashbacks to Nucky's childhood.
WTF:
SNL swaps out Cecily Strong at the "Weekend Update" desk
Yet Colin Jost gets to stay? In "Weekend Update" parlance, really? (Strong says she's happy that the switch will give her more time for other, non-"Update" sketches, so here's hoping it at least heralds the return of "Girl You Wish You Hadn't Started a Conversation With at a Party.")
What's on YOUR list of TV loves and hates this week? The Strain's unveiling of the Master? The Bridge post-massacre? Extant's yellow-eyed human-looking alien baby? The series premiere of Z Nation? Share your own FTWs and WTFs in the comments!
