Galactic Empire Mocks White House's Refusal to Build a Death Star

The Atlantic

In an apparently completely serious rebuke of the White House's response to a viral petition, representatives for the Galactic Empire are making fun of President Obama's intergalactic military weakness, despite the overwhelming support of the citizens from "his tiny, aggressive planet" to construct a Death Star.

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Over on the official Star Wars blog, the Galactic Empire Public Relations team reports members of the Empire are laughing at the "obvious cowardice" the White House displayed by not agreeing to start construction on a Death Star by 2016. "Such destructive power can only be wielded to protect and defend by so enlightened a leader as Emperor Palpatine," said Governor Wilhuff Tarkin of the Outer Rim Territories. Tarkin does, perhaps, have a point. Obama denied wanting quite that much power when the White House said in its official response to a White House petition on Friday night that it "does not support blowing up planets." 

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Also, despite well-documented video evidence, Empire representatives denied the Death Star's potential vulnerability. The White House cited the ship's "fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship" as a reason not to waster taxpayer dollars. "Any attacks made upon such a station — should one ever be built — would be a useless gesture," Imperial Starfleet Admiral Conan Motti said. 

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