Here's Your Hour-by-Hour Eating Strategy for Super Bowl
I really don't care for football, but I'm a very serious and dedicated patron of football food. This Sunday brings us the Super Bowl, the biggest sports day in the American calendar-and for many of us, the second-biggest holiday of eating like a disgusting pig (Thanksgiving being the first, obviously). I'm really, truly excited for Game Day, and I intend it take it seriously. What follows is my personal eating strategy, hour by hour. You could edit to fit your own needs, but I suggest that you do not.
11:00am: Eat a light breakfast as late as possible so you can skip lunch. Include a protein like eggs to keep you satisfied, and a lot of fruits to make you feel like you're healthy AF.
12:00pm: Choose an outfit for your party that gives generously in the waist: a giant sweatshirt or jersey on top, and leggings or sweatpants on bottom.
12:03pm: When choosing, give heed to a festive color combo of black and baby blue (for Carolina) or orange and navy (for Denver). If torn, consider that orange is the color of most of the foods you'll be eating today, so stains will be less obvious on Denver fans.
2:00pm: Prepare some kind of dish for the party you'll be attending. No one likes the person who arrives empty-handed. If you're vaguely skilled in kitchen, we have lots of ideas for you here. If you're worried, just bring some combination of bread and cheese. Can't lose.
5:00pm: Arrive at your friend's house. Appreciate the aroma of buffalo in the air. It's on.
5:27pm: Strongly consider your feelings about alcohol. It may depend on your party-it is a school night, after all-but whatever you do, think it over. Wine and cocktails are difficult to pair with the salt bombs you're about to eat, and beer will fill you up.
6:00pm: Nibble on the small appetizers, but for God's sake don't be mindless about it. Those little rubbery squares of supermarket cheddar are not why you're here.
6:43pm: There will be several dips available. Adjust your dip-to-chip ratio for this one occasion. You want maximum dip and minimum chip, so you can sample as many as possible.
7:00pm: When it's go time, pause to look at the spread and see which dish triggers an onslaught of drool. That's your target.
7:06pm: Keep an eye on proportions. Your plate should be 1/3 meat (wings, pigs in blankets), 1/3 cheese (mac, dips, foods stuffed with dairy), and 1/3 buffalo chicken dip. Controversial, I know, but buffalo chicken dip is what Super Bowl is all about. You will always regret not eating more of it.
8:45pm: Set your plates aside and dim the lights for the half-time show. Beyonce might appear, and you'll be embarrassed if she sees your plate covered in orange residue.
9:02pm: Now, go back for seconds. Ignore the voice that says you need a few sprigs of that sad salad someone brought. This is neither the time nor the place.
9:22pm: If you haven't yet, this is the time to enjoy a cold beer. You've done good work out there.
9:30pm: Take some yoga stretches between third and fourth quarters. A simple child's pose aids digestion and may even help you burp out some more room.
10:14pm: Help your host clean up-it burns calories!-but resist the temptation to take any leftovers if they're offered. You will need no reminders of how you behaved today.
11:30pm: Pop a pepcid and sleep the sweet sleep of someone stuffed to the gills.
