COMMENTARY | Herman Cain is a dream come true for snarky political commentators. He's been in the public eye for his entire campaign and frequently hands his opponents the very ammunition they use against him. His history, actions and public statements provide so much sarcasm-worthy material that the jokes almost write themselves. This week he's given us three jewels of comedy to work with.
The first starts out with a bit of news that's not funny at all: Cain has been receiving threats. The humor comes from his reaction to it. Cain has asked for Secret Service protection. Soak in the irony for a moment. Cain, who rails against big government and public services, went to the government for very expensive help.
Wouldn't it have made more sense, to use Cain's party line, to let free market forces determine his safety? In Cain's mind, government programs are costly and wasteful. That's fine, Mr. Cain. Go find your own bodyguards. You were top dog at Godfather's Pizza. Maybe your friends in the pepperoni mafia can spare a little muscle for your detail.
Another item is that the man who sold all that pizza had a little sales failure recently. Cain tried very hard to sell David Letterman on his 9-9-9 plan. Letterman wasn't buying. He suggested that if Cain becomes president he should set up a hotline where you can dial 999 and get a free pizza. Cain tried to win his way through Letterman's rebukes without success. Just a warning, Mr. Cain: Anger Letterman at your peril. A Top 999 List of why you should not get elected is actually possible at his hand.
Finally there's his alleged sexual harassment. Cain may be leaping to the top of the polls politically but he's still in second place in other list: Who is alleged to have sexually victimized the most people? Jerry Sandusky is in the lead with 40 counts against him. Cain holds second with four accusers, and Bernie Fine trails in third with just two accusers. It's a contest nobody wants to win and Cain has a plan to get out of it: He'll pretend people should forget.
Cain proclaimed that he has "put it behind him" as if that removes all accountability. People are smart enough to remember your unresolved indiscretions.
Keep the silliness coming, Mr. Cain. You make life easy on writers.
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