Humor

Gas Pains

Peter McKay - Tue May 6, 3:00 AM ET

Creators Syndicate - Last week, I ran out to the supermarket in my wife's station wagon and noticed that the tank was empty. I stopped off to fill it up, and while the gas was running, washed all the windows with the little squeegee thing they have. When I heard the gas pump click off, I turned and glanced at the pump, and nearly had a heart attack right there in the self-serve lane. The little red numbers blinked at $57.

  • Rev. Wright Launches Own 24-Hr. Channel; All Wright, All the Time, Preacher Promises Andy Borowitz - Sat May 3, 3:00 AM ET

    Creators Syndicate - Pronouncing himself "thrilled" with his recent spate of media appearances, the Rev. Jeremiah Wright announced today that he will launch his own 24-hour channel that will feature nothing but himself all day long.

  • Quick, Robin! To the Mancave! Peter McKay - Tue Apr 29, 3:00 AM ET

    Creators Syndicate - About a year and a half ago, I came up with a brilliant idea. My wife worked at home as a journalist, but her home office was located in a cramped little room at the back of our house. It was cold in the winter, hot in the summer, and too close to kids, distractions, and, as she pointed out, me.

  • Democratic Race "Too Mean," Say Swift Boat Veterans Andy Borowitz - Sat Apr 26, 3:00 AM ET

    Creators Syndicate - The Democratic race for president has descended to "a level of meanness and acrimony that is damaging to American politics," the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth said today.

  • Living in a Tight Knit Family Peter McKay - Tue Apr 22, 3:00 AM ET

    Creators Syndicate - Around our house, we have a division of labor that's common in most American families. My wife does some things she's better at, like laundry, while I do some things I'm not better at, like fixing faucets and killing bugs.

  • China Moves Olympics to Undisclosed Location Andy Borowitz - Sat Apr 19, 3:00 AM ET

    Creators Syndicate - Fearful about the prospect of human-rights protesters ruining the 2008 Olympics in Beijing, China today announced a plan to move the summer games to a remote location where no one can find them.

  • Free Delivery Peter McKay - Tue Apr 15, 3:00 AM ET

    Creators Syndicate - Living around the corner from my in-laws over the years, I've been the beneficiary of all kinds of great stuff. We've had babysitters at the drop of a hat and someone to watch over our house when we were on vacation. And our kids get regular supplies of homemade cookies and cakes. Whenever I don't have a tool I need, I can borrow it from my father-in-law, who has a workshop that would make Norm Abrams drool all over his overalls.

  • BY ANDY BOROWITZ Andy Borowitz - Sat Apr 12, 3:00 AM ET

    Creators Syndicate - Market Tumbles on News That Bush Is Still President: