Kate Winslet to Welcome a Baby Rocknroll

The Atlantic
Kate Winslet to Welcome a Baby Rocknroll
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Kate Winslet to Welcome a Baby Rocknroll

Today in celebrity gossip: Kate Winslet is pregnant with her third child, Joe Francis might have gone wild on tape, and Naomi Cambpell gets her revenge. 

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Remember when Kate Winslet married the grandson of the woman she saved from a burning building on Richard Branson's private island, and that man's name was Ned Rocknroll? Well, if you don't remember you are a crazy dope because that was the most wonderful thing that's ever happened. And now, dear friends, Kate Winslet's reps have confirmed that she is going to have a baby with Ned Rocknroll. A baby Rocknroll! Isn't that exciting? What will they name it? Gus Rocknroll? Fred Rocknroll? Sue Rocknroll? Now matter what, that kid is going to have a funky, fresh, and fabulous name. If they go the other way and give the kid the last name Winslet, they'll have to do something with the first name. Fender Winslet? Drums Winslet? Flyingvee Winslet? Rocknroll names are hard! Maybe they could combine the whole thing and just do, like, Sarah Winslet-Rocknroll, or Rocknroll-Winslet. Wocknroll? No, Woknroll is what their cool Chinese restaurant is going to be called. Let's just stick with Rocknroll-Winslet. Welcome, baby Rocknroll-Winslet. Enjoy the world you are born into. Which is your movie star mother who saved an old lady on a madman billionaire's private island and then married her grandson, who is named Ned Rocknroll. Oh also she's going to space. Your mother, baby Rocknroll-Winslet, is going to space at some point on one of your insane billionaire great uncle's spaceships. All of this is true about your family, child. So the memoir basically writes itself. [Us Weekly]

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Ha. Is this ironic? Or at least Alanis Morissette's version of ironic? Joe Francis, who made millions getting drunk young women's "consent" and then filming them topless for his Girls Gone Wild tapes, has a sex tape that he's trying to block from being released. It seems the tape was stolen from his girlfriend, and whoever stole it plans to release it. Of course this could all be hokum created by Francis himself to distract from the fact that he might go to jail and recently gave a very bad, very insane interview about it. Plus that whole Steve Wynn lawsuit thing. It is possible that Francis is doing this whole sex tape thing to get us talking about that instead of everything else that's miserable in his life. But, if he genuinely does not want his surely horrifying sex tape released? Ha ha, karma's a— well, not a bitch. Karma's a young woman who's since graduated from college and has a good career now and has moved past it. [TMZ]

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Former scream queen turned pretend handjob artist Jennifer Love Hewitt is pregnant with her first kid and has just announced that she's marrying the baby's dad, Brian Hallisay. Good for them! Seems like a happy time in their lives. Though, sigh. Remember when she was running around with Carson Daly? Back in those late '90s days when everything felt green and full of possibility? And now where are we? All a buncha years older, some of us having kids and getting married, things graying and wrinkling and expanding. It's a sad state of affairs. I mean, of course we're all happy for Love Hewitt's sudden family, but it wasn't so bad the way it used to be either, when it was 1998 and the world was younger. That's all. Anyway. Sorry. [Us Weekly]

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Uh oh. One of Naomi Campbell's model proteges from the show The Face has betrayed her and, coincidentally I'm sure, been dropped by her agency. Luo Zilin was on Naomi's team during her season of the show, but Zilin did not stay grateful for long. You see, she was seen making time with Campbell's billionaire ex-boyfriend, Russian plutocrat Vladimir Doronin, while vacationing in Ibiza. How rude! How underhanded! And, well, she's paying for it. MIX Model Management has dropped her, citing her "unprofessional conduct and unacceptable work ethic," and Campbell tweeted out a not-so-cryptic message aimed squarely at Zilin: "The moment a person loses appreciation for the goodness others have done for them is the moment they begin their fall. Blsd day x." Yikes. When Naomi Campbell tells you to have a blsd day, you know you are in deep trouble. She saves that for her worst enemies. So who knows what will happen to this Luo Zilin. Maybe she will end up at another agency. Maybe she will marry the billionaire and become some fur-draped Russian tsarina of the new order. Or maybe she'll just fade away and someday Naomi will be shopping at a little store somewhere and she'll hear "Can I help you?" and she'll turn around and there will be Luo, working as a shopgirl, all humble and small. And Naomi will smile with pretend warmth and say, "No. I don't think you can." [Page Six]

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Jesus Christ. Holy sh-t. F--king hell. Jennifer Aniston, old spinster queen of the American west, has done the unthinkable. We all knew she'd stooped pretty low in the past, peering in through Brad and Angie's windows while weeping and eating a cake, waiting for their children to get out of school and handing them strange packages and saying "Give this to your father. And tell no one." Just really sad stuff like that. We all wish she'd moved on with her life and kept her career going and dated a bunch, but she did not. No, she's stayed dark and sad and angry all these years and now she has reached her nadir. Jennifer Aniston, you see, wore the same dress to her friend Lake Bell's recent wedding that she did to her hands-in-cement ceremony at the Chinese Theater two years ago. She repeated a dress. Repeated. A. Dress. I used to mostly pity her, but now I find her reprehensible. How dare she. How low can one person sink. Just pathetic and rude and, in some ways, cruel. I hope someone is comforting Lake Bell because this is just terrible. Jennifer Aniston, the lonely lady of Laurel Canyon, has repeated an outfit. Remember where you were this day, so you will never forget what absolute shame and debasement looks like. [People]

Oh god. If the Daily Mail is any indication, we will be hearing about Posh and Becks's son Brooklyn in a few years. He escorted his mum to some sort of event in London yesterday and he was wearing a suit and everything and now the paper is gushing that "David's not the only looker in the family." So get ready for that. I mean, he's only 14 now, so we've got some time, but in a few years there will be some playboy son of a Spice Girl and a footballer running around England causing a commotion. Watch your back, Prince Harry. You'll have some competition in five or six years' time. Unless of course he turns out gay, in which case I think I just heard Boy George fall over. Either way, we've got time before anything happens. Cool your jets, Daily Mail. It's early yet. [Daily Mail]

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