IncKids Are the Best Leadership Teachers (Yes, Really)
For me, my children have taught me more about leadership than any boss ever could. Your kids can do the same for you, as long as you pay attention.
When we think of leadership, we often gravitate toward lessons learned from our bosses (past and present), with a sense of their expertise. Generally this practice makes a tremendous amount of sense--longstanding success and a pattern of winning matter. However, by narrowing our focus to only learn from the tenured few, we miss out on other lessons to be learned. For me, my children have taught me more about leadership than any boss ever could. I'd be willing to bet that your kids can do the same for you, as long as you pay attention. Why? Children aren't tainted by their 9-5 cube farm job or a stack of bills to pay or dinner to get on the table by 7 pm or an ailing parent--or anything for that matter. Here are some of my favorite lessons that my two kids have taught me, but I'd love to hear from you about what you've learned over the years as a parent.
Compassion. Most kids are incredibly kind people: they welcome others into their circle, they're big-hearted, and they want to make a difference. All kids are born with this capacity to be kind; over the years, we are hardened by life experience as adults and sometimes lose this paramount, obvious trait. Being compassionate isn't challenging, but it is a conscious choice. Instead of making a curmudgeonly comment about a potentially negative situation caused by a team member, look for the positive thing that person did. Remember, nobody is a number--everyone comes with her own burdens and baggage. Because of this, being a compassionate leader will take you far.
Wonder and Curiosity. Kids have an insatiable thirst for knowledge, perhaps even to the point of parental frustration. Everything is a new, exciting experience, so everything creates a sense of wonder--and a desire to learn more about it. When was the last time you allowed your mind to just wander? When was the last time you asked why, what if, or why not? If you tackle your day like your children tackle any new feat, you're bound to see that project you're working on in a different way than you have before. And that's a good thing--that's how problems get solved.
Lack of pre-judgment. Until proven otherwise, kids assume that someone is well-intentioned, interesting, and fun. It's only when someone gives them a reason to think differently that they then judge the person according to that person's actions. I know many people on my team (and I'm no exception) are quick to judge, and we lose out because of it. Oh, that new hire doesn't seem to "blend" with our team's vibe, so they may not be a good fit here. But what if that person had the best skill set you'd need? You ruined your chances before even reaching the starting line. Instead, if you approached an interview (or any business interaction) like a child would, you would pick up on someone's great qualities before judging what you see first off. In turn, you're more tuned in to anything beneath the surface, too, like perhaps that person's hilarious sarcasm that you'd have missed otherwise.
Being in the moment. I sit in a meeting on my phone--checking email, texts, the weather, you name it. It's a habit I'm working to break, because I realize that I'm not fully present in the moment. If you allow yourself to disconnect from anything else happening in the world and focus--like children do--on the one thing you're doing, you'll get so much more out of it. Kids are fully engaged in their moments, one at a time--they're not frenetically trying to multi-task and their mind isn't in 12 places at once. If it's a sandcastle to be built, it's all about the tools, buckets, and sea shells around. If it's a new outfit at the mall (I now have a teenage daughter), it's a mission--and it will be tackled without interruption. If you're this focused with your team, they'll be amazed at your level of interest, and you'll be amazed at how much you're able to accomplish.
Focusing on the possibilities. When children are presented with a chance, they think big--and dream even bigger. They allow themselves to focus on the possibilities of the future, since they don't know the risks. If your son signs up to play baseball, like mine did, his mind could wander to playing Varsity in high school, making his collegiate team, and even playing in the major leagues. He doesn't think of the arduous and unlikely path toward that road--he just thinks about how much he loves baseball. If you're the first person to say "no, that won't work because it's too risky," you're stifling your team's ability to produce something great. Instead, try thinking about "yes, that just may work because..." and see what you come up with.
Learn from your kids--they'll teach you more about life, and leadership, than any boss ever could. As Marianne Williamson put it perfectly, "Children are happy because they don't have a file in their minds called 'All the Things That Could Go Wrong.'"
For an inside view into my world as a VC, entrepreneur, author, and keynote speaker, visit JoshLinkner.com and order my new book, "The Road to Reinvention," on Amazon.
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