Lauryn Hill Might Go to Jail

The Atlantic Wire

Reclusive singer Lauryn Hill will receive her sentence today for the tax evasion charges she pleaded guilty to last year. She is facing potentially three years in prison, after failing to pay taxes on $1.8 million in income, even though her lawyers say she's now all paid up. Hill released a song on iTunes over the weekend in the hopes of raising some funds to pay the taxes, but she's still potentially facing the clink. Which would be pretty crazy, if Lauryn Hill after all this time was sent to jail for tax evasion. I mean, she hasn't made an album in about 15 years, so she's not exactly a big-time celebrity anymore, but she's still Lauryn freaking Hill. From Sister Act 2, for heaven's sake. Where are Wyclef and Pras in her time of need, huh? Fugees! Activate! Lauryn needs you! To, uh, water her plants if she goes to jail or something. I don't know. What can the Fugees really do at this point? The Score was a long, long time ago. [ABC; Billboard]

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Oh dear. Patrick Schwarzenegger, part-Kennedy son of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver, was filmed outside of a nightclub on Saturday night after getting kicked out. Young master Schwarzenegger did not seem happy with this turn of events, and was heard repeatedly saying that he wanted to "beat the f--k out of the DJ." TMZ also thinks he called the DJ "gay boy." Yes, Patrick was upset, as if it was the DJ who had kicked him out of the club. Which I can't imagine was the case. I don't know that DJs have that direct power. Maybe the DJ said something to a bouncer who then showed Mr. Schwarzenegger to the door. Why would he do such a thing? Who knows. Perhaps Patrick was being rude about the DJ's selection of music? Or maybe the DJ simply recognized the lad, remembered that he is but 19 years old, and so had him escorted out lest he drink anything he is not legally allowed to for another year and a half. Whatever the situation, nothing would seem to warrant a threat of f--k beating, even though Patrick at one point insisted to anyone who would listen that "Everyone around me wants to beat the f--k out of the DJ." It wasn't just him, but that doesn't mean it was called for. Tsk tsk. When reached for comment, Patrick's father told reporters "Nyyarrghhh!" [TMZ]

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Just before she headed to three months of court-mandated rehab, Lindsay Lohan did an interview with British clown Piers Morgan in which she basically said she doesn't need rehab and that the whole thing is a waste of time. Terrific. We've heard this song before and who really cares, but there is one new quote in here that's worth mentioning. Take it away, Lindsay: "I think there are other things I could do instead of going to a rehab center that would benefit me more. The best thing they could do for me would be to make me go abroad to different countries and work with children." Ah. Aha. OK. So instead of sending a chronic drunk driver to jail, they should send her to rehab, but wait no they shouldn't even do that, they should send her to "different countries" to "work with children." What children and what work, who knows, but in a general sense that's what U.S. courts should be doing with celebrities who can't stop drinking and driving. They should send them on trips to work with foreign children. Good thinking, Lindsay. You seem great. Excellent work everyone. Thanks for putting this together, Piers. [Us Weekly]

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New York is bracing itself, or rather positioning itself in bed and waiting expectantly, for the imminent arrival of Prince Harry of Britain. The crown's official sex ambassador is set to arrive next week, playing in a polo match in Greenwich, touring the New Jersey coastline, and meeting with the city's high society at some sort of fundraiser charity event type of thing. He's also going to Colorado for the Warrior Games, but mostly he's going to be right around here, touring the Tri-State area in his elaborate carriage, inviting a few lucky young maidens to come have a private audience, his squires red-faced and looking away, the girls giggling and saying "Oh your highness!" as the horses whinny. It's a difficult diplomatic mission, but someone's got to do it. While back in England the Queen and Duchess Kate have tea, Kate saying "Better he's off shagging Yanks than cocking things up here." The Queen nodding sagely and handing her tea back to a servant, whispering gently "More gin, please." Ah, the royals! [Page Six]

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Reese Witherspoon was spotted wearing a city of Atlanta police department cap at LAX on Saturday, just two weeks after her famous arrest in that city. Was the hat a subtle sign of respect? A little joke? A bit of sass? I suppose it could be all those things! Who knows with Reese Witherspoon anymore. Post-arrest video, this is a whole new world. She suddenly contains multitudes. Isn't that thrilling? Reese Witherspoon could be anyone! We just have to wait to find out. [Us Weekly]

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Someone rushed the stage during a Justin Bieber concert in Dubai yesterday and there is video and it's actually kind of crazy. I mean security goes straight for this guy and they tackle him, knocking over a piano in the process. It's pretty nuts. And Justin just calmly walks away. I mean I'm sure he was a little scared, but at this point this is just part of his life, right? What a weird life. What a weird video. [People]

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