Pediatrics just released findings that television is linked to sleep problems in children. The connection between violent TV and bedtime woes may be fairly obvious, but it doesn't address the big picture. Adam Mansbach's book "Go the F**k to Sleep" does.
"Go the F**k to Sleep" looks like a child's book, but it's really a funny, tongue-in-cheek rant between parents. Using expletives a parent explains to a child why she needs to go to bed, go to sleep and stop keeping everyone awake with her incessant demands. Reading this book helps parents access the angst, in a fun, lighthearted way.
Obviously, Mansbach's book is causing some concerns in parenting circles. Is it healthy, parents ask, to express frustration with such crude language? Based on experience and several decades in the parenting business and an educational and work experience in psychology, I say "Go the F**k to Sleep" is healthy. In my opinion, this type of book is incredibly therapeutic. It's easy to say that we should always be pleasant and peaceful as parents. It's also totally unrealistic.
Bedtime issues are probably the most challenging issues. We can talk about bedtime rituals, and they are very helpful. We shut the television off several hours before bed. We only allowed PBS television and spent more time reading to our children rather than watching television. We've been very fortunate that our children slept well: two of them, that is. Two children were part-time good sleepers and part-time monsters at bedtime.
There's no legal, safe way to make a restless child sleep if they refuse to. We tried every trick in the books, every bedtime routine under the sun and two of our children had periods of major bedtime anxiety. With one son, it was fear of storms. If we called the weather dial to check the next day's weather, we had to pantomime because he would go ballistic if he heard "thunder". At three, he would shout, accusingly from his bedroom, "are you calling the weather man?!" The other child slept in my bed until she was five. Sometimes she would not sleep unless I laid down with her until she went to sleep.
Using the f-bomb may not be the most diplomatic way to express anger, especially with children. It's fairly tame and even healthy as a way to express anger among adults. Parenting is stressful enough when mom and dad are at their best. When a parent is sleep deprived, even small irritations seem more difficult. If both parents are exhausted, children's' behavior can push it over the top. If a stressed, tired parent finds relief, humor and solidarity with other parents reading "Go the F**k to Sleep", is it really a big deal? GTFTS should not be read to children, but among adults, books like this could potentially prevent dangerous parent anger issues.
Marilisa Kinney Sachteleben writes from 22 years parenting four children and 25 years teaching K-8, adult education, special needs and homeschool.
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