COMMENTARY | There's an unwritten rule in parenting that says, "don't have more kids than you can effectively care for." Octomom Nadya Suleman is living proof. As witnessed on the Today Show recently, the single mother of 14 (including octuplets) is in over her head. She's also delusional and given to self-dramatization.
In the space of a few minutes, several things were obvious about Suleman. She lives in a fantasy land and hasn't a clue about what it means to care for kids. From her ridiculous clown lips (one child was photographed copying her pouty lip thing), to weird statements to wild children, Nadya Suleman is a piece of work.
Here are some of Nadya Suleman's more outrageous delusions and self-dramatizations:
* Suleman says she didn't have cosmetic surgery. But collagen lip injections are plastic, and expensive ($800 each). How does an unmarried mother of 14 afford that, living on food stamps?
* Suleman claims that she isn't receiving welfare payments. I don't find that difficult to believe, I find it impossible.
* Suleman makes vague references to her boxing job. She says she's getting her personal trainer's license. What about her psychiatric technician job? Why not go back to that? Oh that's right. Back injury. What about the BA in child development? Or the master's in counseling that she was pursuing? I think Nadya fancies herself as a "college student" but not an employee. More financial aid money wasted.
* Suleman plays the classic "lost child" game well. Some adults think they've been cheated of their freedom. They'll spend years playing college student to avoid a real world job. They ignore the fact that usually, they cheated themselves by their own selfish choices.
* Nadya says she's had "hundreds of death threats." That's why she feels guilty (for guilt read "self-pity"). It was the publicists who got death threats, however.
* Suleman doesn't take personal responsibility. She shifts blame, but is quick to take credit for perceived success. Note the comments: "I'm stronger" when referring to life after parents (as if they were holding her down, instead of supporting her). Compare that to "I'm not going to look back and blame" when discussing the doctor who gave her IVF treatments. Why should she blame him? Kamrava is her doctor, not her spiritual adviser. She knew what she was doing.
* Suleman says her kids are well-behaved. Yet on the Today Show, it took the whole crew to corral them. While Nadya held a token child on her lap and chatted about herself, the other children wandered everywhere. That's another classic trick: ignore your children's behavior and expect others to care for them. Nadya has a major attitude of entitlement.
* Suleman says she only gets a few hours sleep and never watches television. So? Welcome to parenting.
* Suleman could take care of her children, but she's lazy. I've worked in day care. I've had a dozen 3-year-olds under control for hours; Nadya can't manage a few minutes. When you are minding children, you can't sit placidly, carrying on involved conversations. You're constantly on the move, watching the kids. I feel sorry for Suleman's older children; I'll bet they spend a lot of time in sibling care.
Oh and about the In Touch interview? The one where she said, "I hate babies, they disgust me. -- Obviously, I love them - but I absolutely wish I had not had them." Suleman says "all misquotes". Coming from a habitually delusional exhibitionist, I don't think so. I think Suleman fibs so easily that she forgets what she says.
Marilisa Kinney Sachteleben writes from 22 years parenting four children and 25 years teaching K-8, special needs, adult education and home-school.
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