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    MOM STILL WAITING TO MEET HER EX-HUSBAND'S FIANCEE

    By Abigail Van Buren | Dear Abby – Sat, Feb 18, 2012

    DEAR ABBY: I am a divorced mother of two incredible children. It took a bit of work but after some time, my ex and I have come around to being civil, if not friendly with each other. He has been dating a woman for more than a year and now tells me they will be getting married in three months.

    Abby, I haven't met her yet. I harbor no ill will toward her and understand through my children that she's very nice and good to them. My ex keeps telling me they are not ready for introductions. I have no idea what that means, but I haven't pushed the issue because I want to keep things on friendly terms. My question is, at what point is it appropriate to introduce your ex to your children's soon-to-be stepparent? -- READY IN HOUSTON

    DEAR READY: Because you and your ex share custody of your children, the logical time for you to meet his fiancee would have been at the time of their engagement -- if not before. I can't help wondering why your ex is stalling about making the introduction because, in the months and years to come, it will be important that you and your children's stepmother can function effectively together.

    DEAR ABBY: I'm a coupon clipper. I save our household an average of $30 to $40 a week using them. Sometimes I have a great coupon we can't use, so I'll leave it at the store on top of the item it's for.

    When I do, my husband accuses me of littering and merely creating trash for store employees to pick up. I think a stranger finding a valuable coupon for the item he or she wants is a kind way to "pay it forward." I'm selective about leaving them and only do it when the coupon offers significant savings.

    What are your thoughts? Am I being a litterbug? -- CHICAGO CLIPPER

    DEAR CLIPPER: Of course you're not being a litterbug. You're being generous, and I'm sure many -- if not all -- of the coupons you leave have been put to good use.

    Since you asked for my thoughts, I'll share one: You have a critical husband who is faulting you rather than complimenting you on your generosity. Shame on him.

    DEAR ABBY: My grandson and his bride were going through their gift envelopes and found some with nothing in them. They don't know if there was money inside and it fell out. If they thank a guest for a gift and there was none, it could seem sarcastic. If they don't thank the person and there was money inside and it got lost -- then what? What do they say?

    Also, there was a family (mother, son and daughter-in-law) who attended the wedding. The mother put in a check that was larger than she really could afford, while the son and daughter-in-law left a card with nothing inside. We don't know what to do, because my grandson doesn't know if the check was intended to be from the three of them. Abby, what's the proper way to handle this? -- EMPTY ENVELOPES IN CALIFORNIA

    Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

    For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)

     
    • Californian
      Californian  •  Los Angeles, California  •  3 mths ago
      Abby must have put her answer to L#3 into an envelope, and it either fell out or got stolen!
      • Angie
        Angie 3 mths ago
        That made me laugh.....Thanks :)
      • Lauren
        Lauren 3 mths ago
        Maybe the answer is in the $7 wedding planning book!
      • lj
        lj 3 mths ago
        How clever of you.... LOL
    • new ol'lady
      new ol'lady  •  3 mths ago
      Many empty money envelopes? I suspect a wedding guest of theft.
      • Christy
        Christy 3 mths ago
        they weren't "money" envelopes, they were cards that were only cards and didnt include money, the greedy family is calling them "gift" envelopes because they assume everyone owes them for the privilege of attending
      • Display Name
        Display Name 3 mths ago
        Thanks, Christy -- I was wondering!
      • DianneA
        DianneA 3 mths ago
        Sometimes I've order a gift - especially from a registry - to be delivered to the bride's home. In those cases, I just bring a card to the wedding. Some cultures don't do that, so I can see why Grandma might be confused - some Asian friends get only money at weddings. I don't think that makes them greedy - just stuck in an unexpected social situation. Lighten up!
    • jstdve
      jstdve  •  Atlanta, Georgia  •  3 mths ago
      # 3 , empty envelope
      Apparently you've stumped Abby as I see no reply .
      Congrats on that !
      • Sarah Urban
        Sarah Urban 3 mths ago
        Abby's envelope is empty too lol
      • Rain
        Rain 3 mths ago
        Maybe Abby thought the peanut gallery should answer.
      • Nails
        Nails 3 mths ago
        She replied but the response fell out of the email envelope
    • RF
      RF  •  Chicago, Illinois  •  3 mths ago
      Dear Abby, Tell Chicago Clipper I love her and people like her! I ran in to the store a few months back and had forgotten my wallet at home. I only had x amount of money on me and didn't want to run back home and then back to the store. As I approached the item I need,POOF laying on top was a coupon. I had just enough money. Thanks Chicago Clipper.
      • Luna
        Luna 3 mths ago
        I love that too. I've used a 'left' coupon before, and I pay it forward with coupons I don't use. I think they are extremely appreciated as most coupons are for regularly purchased items. I doubt it causes much grief for employees. They are probably used by that time
    • Sweet
      Sweet  •  2 mths ago
      On L#3, I think respectfully asking people what they left because some gifts were missing from people you know that gave definately, maybe some can honestly say what they did or didnot give. Quietly and honestly with repsect you can ask. If they didn't give anything then say thats ok, nothing wrong with that. Some cant afford to give.
      On L#1: Kinda sorta looking at both ways in this. One, as a parent, I would hold on introducing my kids to my new partner BUT then again if I said yes for marriage then thats something that should have happened before, the introducing of course. Another, if your kids are saying they are being treating good then thats a great review. But also, keeping an eye open since you dont know who or how she really is. I would just let it happen as it comes. He thinks no intro now thats fine, keep living your life with your wonderful children. They want to go over thats good but always tell the truth in how they are treated no matter what. I think it will all work out since theres no foul play with the children, thats the main thing here.
    • Ula ✠
      Ula ✠  •  3 mths ago
      Dear LW2: Thank you for leaving me your coupon. I use them all the time. Tell your husband I think he's a noodge.
      • Clyn
        Clyn 3 mths ago
        I appreciate finding a coupon someone else can't use, and have left them, too.
      • KathyB
        KathyB 3 mths ago
        I leave coupons all the time. I'm glad to know people do us them if they
        are left behind :)
      • RT
        RT 3 mths ago
        Back in my college days finding coupons like that was the only way I got to eat more than Ramen soup. I LOVED finding them and 'paid it forward' myself after I started having the income to buy newspapers. The husband is a dip who, like so many men, doesn't understand how shoppers look out for each other.
    • HPFreak
      HPFreak  •  3 mths ago
      Uh-Abby, you forgot to answer Number 3!
    • SQL4FUN
      SQL4FUN  •  3 mths ago
      LW#3 - Just thank someone for being there to share in your special day. You can say that their being there meant so much more to you and your new spouse than anything else and you will cherish the fact that they choose to be with you on your special day.
    • Fortuna
      Fortuna  •  3 mths ago
      Letter 3 is a challenge for us.
    • new ol'lady
      new ol'lady  •  3 mths ago
      Coupons left on product aisles really aren't the issue. A friend and I shopped today at Sam's Club and CostCo, and as usual she left perishable items she decided not to buy all over the warehouse. I suggested that she put them back, BECAUSE WE ALL PAY for them when the warehouse has to throw away these items because no one has any idea whether the items are fresh or warm. Please be careful and keep our costs minimized.
    • cantankerousoldlady
      cantankerousoldlady  •  Englewood, Tennessee  •  2 mths ago
      No, it is rude to assume money was in each envelope. You send a thank you card and tell them how much it meant that they attended your special day and leave it at that. As for the mother and son, thank the mother and mention how pleased that the family could attend and thank her for her money. to the son, refer to first of this message. Some people may not can afford lavish gifts and money , at the same time they think enough of you to be there. If you sent the invitations only to get gifts, shame on you......
    • Christy
      Christy  •  Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania  •  3 mths ago
      Am I the only reader who doesn't see an answer to LW3?
    • None
      None  •  3 mths ago
      Dear Abby's response per another column:
      A. Dear Empty Envelopes: Your grandson and his bride should write notes to those guests whose envelopes were empty saying, “We want to thank you for being part of our wedding day and helping to make it so memorable and meaningful. Your presence and the fact that you were with us made it extra special. With love …”
    • kristad
      kristad  •  3 mths ago
      LW1 It may not be your ex who doesn't want you two to meet it may be her. My ex and I had a great freindship for years after we seperated....until she came into his life. Turned out she was someone who bullied me all though my highschool years. She also was great with my kids at first but once she realized she couldn't get the kids to abandon me and slip into my place she changed and now won't even allow them to talk to their father unless she is listening in on another phone. She even convinced him to not finish paying for my daughters wedding and caused a rift between them that can never be repaired. He didn't even go to the wedding. Long story short the woman is a control freak who cut him off from all freinds and family but he was the wimp that let her do it. It cost him his whole family. Hopefully that isn't the case for you.
    • Stef
      Stef  •  3 mths ago
      From the Amarillo Globe-News:
      Dear Empty Envelopes: Your grandson and his bride should write notes to those guests whose envelopes were empty saying, “We want to thank you for being part of our wedding day and helping to make it so memorable and meaningful. Your presence and the fact that you were with us made it extra special. With love …”
    • geechie
      geechie  •  3 mths ago
      People are selfish. My ex-wife is the same way. Too secretive. She doesn't realize that if anything happens I must be able to find this guy. I must know who he is and who his family is. I must know if he has any child molesters in his family. I would certainly introduce her to anyone who will be around my children. It is a safety issue.
    • Rimshot
      Rimshot  •  Visalia, California  •  3 mths ago
      I wonder if the ex-husband had been bad mouthing her to his new girlfriend, and now he's worried that new wife and ex-wife will actually get along. Whatever the case, don't involve the kids in the information search. They don't need drama tickets.
    • Debbie Ciaravino
      Debbie Ciaravino  •  3 mths ago
      LW #3) Easy solution - for the empty cards or for those you don't know what you received, this is the thank you note to send:
      "Thank you for joining us for our Special Day. Having you there to celebrate with us was the best gift of all. We appreciate everything more than we can say. Much Love ..."
    • Rockzilla
      Rockzilla  •  3 mths ago
      Abby didn't forget the answer to #3... Yahoo chopped it off.
    • Christina
      Christina  •  3 mths ago
      Apparently you have to purchase her "How to Have a Lovely Wedding" booklet in order to get the answer to letter #3?
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