Name Change Is A Roadblock On Couple's Trip To The Altar

That would be a deal braker for me. We could still be together but I would still be looking for my wife.

LW3 - Oh, that letter was so cute. What she should do is learn to look up, motion for the offender to bend down, look them in the eye and say, “Buggar off, Bozo!”. There is just something so charming about a white haired old lady that can cuss like a British stevedore.

Funny one about surnames: My godmother took her hubby's name when they married. He was a journalist, and got tired of people mispronouncing his (admittedly difficult) surname, so he started using her maiden surname professionally! For years people thought she had simply kept her name, when in reality he appropriated it!
Luckily they both had a sense of humor about the whole thing.
Personally, even if I remarry, I won't bother changing my name again. I'm not some man's property after all.

WOW!! Last names are apparently a touchy subject for some people. Obviously it is an individual choice and should be respected. When I married, I took my new husband's last name. When we divorced, I kept the name since I have developed a career using it and he was perfectly fine with that (it was an amicable parting). I am now in a long term relationship and we are discussing getting married. I have told my potential husband that I will keep the surname that I currently have both because I want to and because of business. He is fine with it. Alternately, I know of a couple who, when they married, didn't particularly care for the last name that either of them had, so the found a name that they did like and they both changed their last name to the one that they had mutually agreed upon.

I believe that people should make their own choice and it should be respected by their partner.

I do feel for LW3 though. I wish people could just be polite and not make mention of other people's physical appearance. I get so tired of hearing about my height, my smokin' hot body, my movie star good looks (no, I’m not Hugh Jackman, but thanks anyway) and my buns of steel (aluminum now..not as young as I used to be), my exceptionally good silver fox hair (and it’s looking very good today by the way). It’s just tiring. A simple, “How are you. Nice to see again” would be just fine. Oh well. My cross to bear I suppose. Sigh . . . . .

If I had it to do over, I'd still have my maiden name (do we still call it that?) for reasons of my own. However, I would think twice about marrying a person who held my ancestor's behavior against me, and used it to win a point, especially a parent who is not even in the picture. As with one of yesterday's letters, I wish we'd heard from the fiance. If you want to keep you name, keep your name. But don't bring up his family's skeletons as an excuse to do so. That's just mean.

Well, if her last name is MacAwesome and his is Stinkberger, I think they should both go with MacAwesome.

A woman should keep her name if she likes it. My family name is very uncommon and is in danger of dying out on my father's branch of the family tree because his three sons have only delivered one male, and my nephew does not plan to have children. However, he did get married last year, so who knows? My niece kept her name, but her son has her husband's last name.

My wife took my name when we married, then went back to her maiden name when we divorced, then kept her maiden name when we remarried. When she died, I put the hyphenated name on the obituary so people could identify her either way, but her tombstone has her maiden name, because that is how she identified herself.

STANDING MY GROUND IN NEW JERSEY: When I got married the first time there was no way I was going to take my husbands name. He was from Germany and his name was not easy to pronounce. He decided to take my name. We were married for 7 years but had no children, and have been divorced for double that. To this day he still carries my name. I understand you not wanting to give up your name but it should not be because of his non-present father.

Hey - I'm a grandma (by marriage only) and I'm pretty certain them kids would think I'd suddenly lost my mind if I was all up in their business every week.

L2: Some of us just don't have that family-oriented chip in our brain that makes us constantly want or need to reach out and touch base. For those of us who don't run down the list of family members and call each week, or don't have the desire to spend more than a week (total) a year visiting family, it's nothing personal.

We're happy to see you and talk to you and catch up when we do touch base, but that's all we need to fulfill our personal connection to you. If you need more than that to fulfill your personal connection to the distant family member, then take the initiative and make that contact. If you sit and wait by the phone for us to call, you'll be waiting awhile.

It's hard to explain this personality quirk to people who need or want more contact, so I can only reiterate: It's not because we don't care about you; it's not because we dislike you; we are just "filled up" by minimal contact.

Anniversary time, fellow Abbylanders!
t was on this day in 1956 when the "Dear Abby" advice column first appeared in print, in the San Francisco Chronicle. Purportedly written by Abigail Van Buren, the pen name of Pauline (Friedman) Phillips.

Her name was Magill, and she called herself Lil, but everyone knew her as Nancy.

I can call you Betty, and Betty when you call me, you can call me Al.

LW2 states that her Grandmother is "retired, very healthy and travels," but what the lw doesn't understand is that being retired, very healthy and traveling means Grandma has a life of her own.

Oh Abby, get over yourself. Women don't have to be anything (established in a career, or whatnot) other than who they are. There are cultures where women don't lose their last name like in the States and all children automatically have both names. Or, as I said to my husband, you met Ms__ , proposed to Ms__ , and married Ms____, so why on earth should I be Mrs Someone Else?

If you choose to keep your name it's no one's business but yours.

# I have no comment on her decision to change her name. That is for them to work out. However, his name will be what he makes of it. His children will associate the name with their father not their non existant grandfather.

The kid's grandmother is known to her friends as Auntie Mame ...

Ok, youse guys who think a mother should have the same last name as her children......
when my honey bunny was a kid, his parents divorced. His mom went on to remarry when he was in highschool.....and she took her husbands name, as many of you feel is right. But, of course, Honey Bunny kept his own name. I honestly don't think he suffered any from this, but I am going to ask him when I get home tonight!

LOL! So, I get a Yahoo news-for-you item about a guy named Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-bop-bop. We now understand why LW #1 does not want to take her fiance's last name.

Regarding the name thing I was wondering what gay couples do I googled it and here’s what I found. I think straight couples could have the same options.
Q. I’m confused as to how gays and lesbians decide what family name to go by. I know it’s only been a couple of years since gay marriage became legal, but is there a “new” tradition?
A. Certainly, the predominant custom to date for same-sex couples is for each to keep his or her name, but this is by no means always the case. There are actually a number of other choices open to us, too — none of which I imagine will shock you.
By the way, it’s worth noting that when a lesbian or gay couple does make a name change (or two), it has little to do with the type of religious or civil ceremony they choose — or whether or not the marriage is legal in the eyes of the government. If anything, it reflects a couple’s views on the symbolic component of a family name, which is to say their public identity.
Here are the four basic options available:
1. No change: Frank Roberts and Mack Stasio simply stay Frank Roberts and Mack Stasio. With no patriarchal default and no weight of history or tradition, this is what most same-sex couples choose to do. The downside is that you don’t have the instant family identity that sharing a surname confers.
2. Hyphenate names: A dual last name proclaims publicly that you have merged into a family unit. Giselle Ullman and Jeanne Basile become Giselle and Jeanne Ullman-Basile (or Basile-Ullman). There’s no rule as to whose name goes first; most couples make the decision based on how the new name sounds to them.
3. One partner takes the other’s name: Some gay couples opt to choose between their family names. For instance, Ariel Sexton and Arturo Gomez might become Ariel and Arturo Gomez. This is an especially good option when kids are involved.
4. Choose a brand-new name: Creating a new last name by combining family names is a viable option and not that uncommon. It generally involves more legal work for the couple, not to mention a little extra effort from friends and family to remember.
Now, to answer the question you didn’t ask: How do you know what name they will go by? If it’s not clear from their stationery or a newspaper wedding announcement, or if they haven’t said anything, don’t be shy — ask!