DEAR ABBY: In our condominium complex, there is one family who are disrespectful to everyone. "Sasha" allows her 11-year-old son, "Travis," to damage people's property, lie, steal, harass neighbors, make threats and make a lot of noise. The police have been called many times. I have been told Sasha has physically attacked at least two women here, and some residents say her former husband warned them that she is violent.
When neighbors -- including me -- approached Sasha, she said her son is only "having fun" and she accused us of being racist. We feel she is using race to deflect from her poor behavior.
We believe the condo association or management company is either weak or afraid to do anything about this. The situation is unbearable. Her son harasses senior citizens here, too. Please advise us, but do not reveal my name or location because I am afraid of retaliation. -- BEGGING FOR HELP
DEAR BEGGING: No one should have to live under such intimidating and potentially violent circumstances. Because you have been warned about Sasha's behavior, do not confront her yourself.
Speak to the condo association board and or/management company, tell them the conditions you are living under are intolerable, and that they must speak to the woman about her and her son's behavior. There is strength in numbers, so go as a group to the next homeowner's meeting, or sign a petition to show that you are all serious. If you own the condo, you have the ability to vote the members of the board out of office and elect officers who will take responsibility for improving your living conditions.
Resolving this may involve the help of an attorney. And because the police are already aware of this family's history, you may be able to get a restraining order.
DEAR ABBY: I have been living with "Daryl" for more than three years. I am 25; Daryl is 27. He seemed very committed and affectionate, and he's hardworking and well-educated, so I thought we had everything.
He promised me seven months ago that we would get engaged. We looked at rings together, and he told me I should leave the rest to him.
Because it has been seven months and I still don't have a ring, I confronted him. Now he says that he "isn't ready," and he isn't even sure I'm the woman he is going to marry! He says he "thinks" I am, but he doesn't want to make any promises. He also says he loves me and doesn't want me to move out or break up with him. He is willing to set up a spare bedroom for himself so we can have our space.
Abby, I feel betrayed. I was waiting for the ring and now it isn't coming. Should I move out? -- RINGLESS IN BRIGHTON, MASS.
DEAR RINGLESS: Yes. The ring isn't what's important, but what the ring symbolizes is. If after three years of living together your boyfriend still isn't able to decide whether you're the woman he's going to marry, it appears that he's not as committed as you thought.
If marriage is what you want, the time has indeed come to move out. It is also time to move on with your life.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)
- Family & Relationships
- DEAR ABBY