New Mummy Blog: Why Life Is Pretty Good For My Second Baby

There’s one thing I would change about my pregnancy with my second child. Actually, there are lots of things I’d change - the morning sickness that continued right up to two days before giving birth, the sciatica, the insatiable cake craving, the feet so swollen only flip flops would do (in December). But these are just part and parcel of the magic that is growing a new human. Totally unpleasant but totally utterly worth it.

But no, there is one thing that I would do very differently were I to rewrite that pregnancy. And it is this: I wouldn’t waste so much time feeling guilty. In fact, I wouldn’t waste a single second feeling guilty.

Oh, I felt wretched. Poor child number one - her little world, of which she was the centre, was about to change forever with the arrival of a sibling. We were about to upset our happy little equilibrium. How ever would she cope? And poor child number two, who would never know the undivided attention and devotion that number one had enjoyed in her first months and year.

If only I’d known then what I know now: that I was absolutely wrong. We all know that guilt is a mother’s ruin - with motherhood comes a life sentence of guilt and worry that only grows with our children. And who can blame us? The world is a big, scary place. But really, in this instance, it was a complete waste of time.

[Copyright: Yahoo/Claire Sparks]

Because the arrival of our sweet and happy baby number two is the best thing that could ever have happened - for all of us. I wish someone would have told me just how much joy the children would bring for each other.

For the toddler, she has a constant audience, a number one fan who dotes on everything she does and saves the biggest laughs for her.

For the baby, he has a constant companion, a big sister to watch and learn from. Of course, this hero worship is unlikely to last forever, and even now, a year in, there are scuffles over toys and who gets to sit on Mummy’s lap. But for now, his adoration is plain as day, as he bottom-shuffles with excitement every time she enters the room.

[Copyright: Yahoo/Claire Sparks]

And with just 19 months between them, the gap is closing and they are starting to play together. The baby’s not always entirely sure of the game’s agenda, and possibly wouldn’t be such a willing participant if he knew they were playing at being princesses again. But he gets stuck in with gusto.

He’s lucky not to know the boring, stuck-indoors-with-only-Mummy-for-company rainy afternoons that the toddler once endured.

And he’s also lucky not to have been subjected to the endless carousel of baby classes that I believed were essential first time round. We did everything from baby yoga to baby massage, baby swimming to baby sensory and sing and sign. Something every day of the week. The poor child wouldn’t know whether she was coming or going and I was pouring money into all sorts of pockets. Some of the classes were exceptional: she adored baby sensory. But she was terrified of swimming - the full submersion on week one perhaps putting her off for life; we still have repercussions every hair wash night.

And while I was panicked that the baby would be missing out on the same start in life that the toddler enjoyed - it just wasn’t practical, or possible, to get out the house and along to all these classes every day with both children; often toddlers aren’t welcome to attend too - I think now that he may have had a lucky escape.

I was so desperate to give the best start in life but did that really mean paying someone to show me how to rub my baby in olive oil in baby massage classes? Turns out number two got more relaxed when being covered in sun cream on holiday than number one ever did with her olive oil.

So maybe number two has it better, now I’m more relaxed, more sure of what I’m doing. Okay, so sometimes I’m a little too relaxed - he sees more TV, has eaten more things he probably shouldn’t at this age than his sister ever did, has learnt how to amuse himself. He has no pressure to reach milestones - I don’t mind him staying a baby for as long as he likes.

But he’s such a good baby and such a happy boy. Perhaps it’s the luck of the draw. Perhaps he’s more relaxed because I’m more relaxed. Or perhaps, and I really think this might be the one, it’s because he has his big sister lighting up his life. Long may it continue. I have a feeling I’ll be reminding them of this mutual adoration in their teenage years.