I chose to be the default parent. It's not always easy but it works for our family.
My husband and I knew our work schedules pre kids would need to change.
After getting laid off when I was nine weeks pregnant, I decided to take a step back.
I like being the default parent and the extra time it allows with my girls.
Being the default parent often gets a bad rap. That's the parent who, as the name suggests, is the one that the school calls when a child is sick, schedules and takes time away from work to take a kid to the dentist, or figures out what the family is going to eat for the week.
It's a lot of physical and mental work and can be stressful, and I often see people complaining about being the default parent.
I chose the role, though, for a number of reasons. It's not always easy or something I always enjoy, but it makes the most sense for our family and means more time with my kids.
We knew one of us would need to scale back when we had kids
Long before we had kids, my husband and I started talking about what life would look like when we had a family. At the time, we both worked long hours in New York City. We'd both be out the door by 7:45 a.m. and usually wouldn't get home before 7 p.m., and I remember bringing up that keeping the same schedules wouldn't be sustainable if we had kids.
Someone was going to need to be the point person for making sure any future kid got to the doctor, had the right equipment for activities, and got served dinner at 6 p.m. Someone was going to have to scale back and find flexibility from their current schedule.
We tabled the conversation, but in the back of my head, I knew I wanted to be the default parent. I had always had a vision of being a more involved mom than our schedules were setting me up to be, and I knew I wanted to be close to everything that was going on for the family.
Being the default parent becomes more stressful and harder to do if you're working full time because there's more to balance, which is where I think some of the bad rap comes in for being the designated parent. Doing all of the things a default parent does can easily fill a full day.
I was laid off while pregnant
As "luck" would have it, I got laid off when I was nine weeks pregnant, somewhat forcing the conversation. I was fortunate enough to get an offer to do some sales consulting 25 to 30 hours a week, and my husband and I agreed that continuing to be a consultant with control over my hours vs looking for another full time position would allow me to contribute to the family financially while also leaving space to be the default parent and manage our family.
I'm nearing four years as the default parent, and quite frankly, I excel at it. Between my husband and me, I'm just genuinely better at the tasks associated with being a default parent. I like organizing, scheduling a million details, and planning ahead. I love the rush that comes from figuring out how to fit in laundry, meal prep, and a pediatrician appointment while also meeting deadlines at work.
Deciding to be the default parent has meant taking a step back from accelerating my career and a fairly significant pay cut compared to my last full time role. It's meant scrambling to rearrange my work priorities if someone gets sick and working weird blocks around mid-afternoon appointments.
But it's also meant that I have been able to spend more time with my girls and that I can make things like family dinners and late afternoon ballet class a reality. The tradeoffs have been worth it, and I feel fortunate that I had a say in choosing to be the default parent.
Read the original article on Business Insider
