Nobody Watched the American Music Awards

The Atlantic

Sunday night's American Music Awards, during which Justin Bieber was inappropriately touched and lots of people wore lots of dorky trying-too-hard clothes, were something of a talked-about event, but that doesn't mean anyone watched them. The awards show, always broadcast on ABC, had its lowest ratings ever this year, with a 3.4 rating in the 18-49 demo and 9.47 million viewers total. The network also recently enjoyed the lowest-ever ratings for the Country Music Awards. So basically nobody wants to watch awards shows anymore? At least not for music? I guess when you can get all your songs on Top 40 stations and Napster, there's no reason to tune into the television to watch your favorite musical acts perform. Not when everyone has a Discman with FM radio. Though, of course, I'm sure the show did better in the 12-17 demo, right? Like, I don't know how high the ratings go (what, like I'm a professional?), but I'd wager that the 12-17 demo rating would be, like, a 52.5 or something? Because probably a lot of teens watched that show. Being that Justin Bieber performed and Taylor Swift performed and I think Barenaked Ladies and Collective Soul were there. Some good groups, and some good solo acts. Ani DiFranco, Howie Day, Poe. Remember Poe? Poe was there I'm pretty sure. So why the hell didn't you watch this thing, non-teens? This is American music, America! Don't you want your music? Or are you all too busy goofing off in chat rooms? [Deadline]

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Here's something that Americans will likely watch and love: A CSI producer is developing a "spiritual drama" for CBS, based on a book about "a female state trooper whose husband is killed and as a way to cope, she takes over his life and finds spirituality in the process." She takes over his life? Like, she grows a beard and wears his pants and f-cks herself? Or just that she becomes a state trooper? Either way, sounds great. What's Roma Downey doing? Is she available? Someone get Downey on the horn, and I'll go see what Dean Stockwell is up to. Though I guess Quantum Leap wasn't really spiritual, was it? Valerie Bertinelli. She was on Touched By an Angel at the end. Get her involved somehow. This thing is gonna be a hit. Especially with those aforementioned teens. Teens love spiritual things. ABC must be jealous of CBS's big impending hit. Maybe they should have the American Spiritual Music Awards? Justin Bieber and Poe could still perform. Remember when Poe wrote that whole album about ghosts? Remember? Remember Poe? Anyone? [The Hollywood Reporter]

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You remember Kenan and Kel, right? You might not remember Poe, but you remember them. Well, you should at least remember Kenan Thompson, who is on Saturday Night Live right now and might soon be on his own NBC sitcom. Yeah, he's developing a show for the network about "a man who moves in with his in-laws." So... that sounds... uh... thrilling. Sheesh. Oh well. This is probably just part of some deal he made with NBC, which was like, "Yeah yeah you can try to put together a show" in order to get him to stay on SNL. Because he's valuable! Whatever the case, we wish him luck with this uninspiring-sounding project. Meanwhile, Kel remains missing and presumed employed. [Deadline]

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Hey if you want to watch a bunch of this year's Serious Actresses — namely Anne Hathaway, Naomi Watts, Rachel Weisz, Amy Adams, Marion Cotillard, and a very loquacious Sally Field — have a chat in Los Angeles about their fabulous careers, The Hollywood Reporter has released another of its routinely interesting, if sycophantic and self-importance-encouraging, roundtable interview videos. The best part of this one is the obvious tension that Amy Adams seems to have with everyone. She's done a couple of these roundtables now, and it just never seems like Amy Adams is a very nice person. Or maybe it's that she doesn't like most other people. I understand her snippiness with Anne Hathaway, because ugh, but with Sally Field (who also seems like a piece of work, but of a different sort)? I don't quite get it. Anyway, watch away. [The Hollywood Reporter]

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Oh my. What have they done to Ryan Gosling? Adding fake injury to the recent real-life insult of his snub for Sexiest Man Alive, a poster for a film that Gosling is making with his Drive director Nicolas Wending Refn called Only God Forgives shows the actor with a terribly messed-up mug. The movie is apparently about underground Thai boxing, which makes sense given the image. Gosling's usually pristine face, forged as it was in the cool crystal springs of Canada, is beat-up and swollen and downright grim. It's unclear if this really is an actual poster for the movie, but it is definitely a still from it, indicating that it could be a hard one to watch. Still, it reminds us of how beautifully brave Ryan Gosling is! Would that old knucklehead Channing Tatum muss up his face like this for a role? Unlikely. He was in a movie called Fighting for god's sake and throughout he stayed as perfectly intact as the day he was birthed in an Alabama swamp. Gosling, though, is committed to his art. He's a true hero. [Movieline]

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