If you're looking for some good news out of this North Korean rocket launch — aside from the new details that it might not have been totally successful — may we introduce you to the over-enthusiastic North Korean newswoman who first announced it? Seriously, watch this:
According to ITV, the anchor says, "The second version of the satellite Kwangmyongsong-3 successfully lifted off from the Sohae Space Center in Cholsan County, by carrier rocket Unha-3 on Wednesday. The satellite successfully entered its preset orbit." Because North Korea is all secretive about letting any news out of the motherland (aside from rocket launches and unicorns) ID'ing this North Korean Dick Vitale has been difficult (we've reached out to sources there and will report back with more about this mystery woman). But we managed to put together a few things about her and why we like her so much:
She's a Disciple of Ri Chun Hee: Known as "Pyongyang Patti," Ri Chun Hee first came to prominence for her thunderous voice. "North Korea's anchorwoman becomes famous: Her voice is even more powerful than cannons!" is how the Chinese television show Tiexue described her. "The joke is that her voice is so frightening that it can scare North Korea's enemies," wrote China Smack. So, yes, Ri had a bit of a fan club. Ri, according to news reports, retired earlier this year. But you can hear the resemblance, right?
She Reports the Facts: Or as many facts as an anchor for the official North Korean state television agency can, anyway. (See 30 Rock for more of that.) Or, as one snarky (and popular) YouTube commenter pointed out, this already puts her ahead of some news organizations:
And Obviously, Her Enthusiasm: Just imagine that voice announcing your entrance to a party. Or reading the play-by-play of your life? Or giving a speech? Or, umm, narrating the saga of the Ikea monkey:
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