Living in a tomb

Before we get started, a warning. What you’re about to read is going to sound at first like something cooked up by the same folks who gave us the oxymoronic (and otherwise moronic) advertising slogan “Clean Coal.” It will sound like a fantasy story even a Fox News anchor would not dare announce: “Coal—The Biodiversity Fuel.”

MOORE, Okla. (AP) — Several children have been pulled out of the rubble alive at a school in an Oklahoma City suburb.

If you watched the London Olympics last summer, you saw a parade of top athletes touting the nutritional qualities of their favorite eatery: Subway. Watching Apolo Ohno or Robert Griffin III bite into a veggie footlong with avocado or hearing that Subway is “the official training restaurant of athletes everywhere,” you might get the idea that the food served at the chain isn’t that bad for you—that it’s even healthy.

OKLAHOMA CITY (AP) — Officials at two hospitals say they've been treating more than 120 patients, including about 50 children, since a massive tornado hit suburban Oklahoma City.

The government will use any and all information at its disposal to find journalist sources, as shown in The Washington Post's report this morning on a Department of Justice investigation into Fox News chief correspondent James Rosen, who may face criminal charges for reporting government secrets.

It involved a stun gun.