Living in a tomb

WEST VALLEY CITY, Utah (AP) — Newly released police files say Josh Powell had an affair with a Utah woman just months before his wife disappeared.

Before we get started, a warning. What you’re about to read is going to sound at first like something cooked up by the same folks who gave us the oxymoronic (and otherwise moronic) advertising slogan “Clean Coal.” It will sound like a fantasy story even a Fox News anchor would not dare announce: “Coal—The Biodiversity Fuel.”

MOORE, Okla. (AP) — Several children have been pulled out of the rubble alive at a school in an Oklahoma City suburb.

If you watched the London Olympics last summer, you saw a parade of top athletes touting the nutritional qualities of their favorite eatery: Subway. Watching Apolo Ohno or Robert Griffin III bite into a veggie footlong with avocado or hearing that Subway is “the official training restaurant of athletes everywhere,” you might get the idea that the food served at the chain isn’t that bad for you—that it’s even healthy.

The frenzy for last minute tickets is over. The numbers have been picked out. Somewhere, a single person is $590.5 million richer. Last night's record Powerball jackpot has a winner but we have no idea who that person is yet. 

It involved a stun gun.