The Prince Harry Surprise

The Atlantic
The Prince Harry Surprise
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The Prince Harry Surprise

Today in celebrity news: Prince Harry's American tour begins, Amy Poehler is dating, and Justin Bieber drank a beer.

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As you should all be aware, Britain's Prince Harry is currently in America, touring the land, bringing his message of diplomacy and unbridled, but refined, sexual virility to the American people. Yesterday he went to the Capitol to look at an exhibit and, as it turns out, popped over to the White House to surprise the guests at some kind of tea party hosted by the First Lady. People gasped and squealed and it was very exciting for everyone. Earlier in the day Harry drew a crowd of young female staffers all eager to see and snap camera photos of their future husband. And you get to thinking all of a sudden that we're all gushing and crazy about a handsome prince. A handsome prince! What is this, 1740? No, it's 2013! And yet we are all freaking out about a handsome prince, like we're Cinderella's stepsisters. It's very strange to think about. A handsome prince comes to visit our country and meet with our leaders and all we common folk can't stop tittering about it. We are basically living in a fairy tale. A really mundane and depressing one, but a fairy tale nonetheless. [People]

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But, whatever, let's continue to obsess. When Harry plays in the Greenwich, Connecticut, polo match he's scheduled to next week, he will be surrounded by a bevy of attractive ladies. Among the attendees will be model Karolina Kurkova, Olivia Palermo, Elizabeth Olsen, and Stephanie Seymour. Water water everywhere and yet Harry is really not supposed to drink. Not after the Las Vegas incident. He is to be on his best behavior. Yes, he is to radiate the sort of sexual charm that he's known for, but only to serve the British crown. Not to serve himself. As his grandmum Queen Elizabeth told him before he left, "Shag all you want when you get home, dearie." So while he will be all adrenalized by a fierce game of polo and there will be all those beauties by the sidelines ready for ravishing, he shan't do it. For crown and country, he will go back to his hotel room alone and hope that they really mean it when they say the name of the movie doesn't show up on the bill. Good lad. (Also, a fun fact embedded in this Page Six item: Tommy Lee Jones's wife is an accomplished polo player. Did we know this? Is that as funny a fact as I think it is right now?) [Page Six]

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Amy Poehler appears to still be dating comedian Nick Kroll, almost a year since her split with Will Arnett. We first heard about Poehler and Kroll being an item a few months ago, but I guess the update now is that, well, it's still going on. So that's good? That seems like a good pairing, I guess. I mean two comedians dating each other sounds a little bit like a nightmare — she should have tried to meet a vet or a school teacher or something — but what can you do about that, it's the nature of the industry. People date each other. God help them. God help all of them. [Us Weekly]

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Sweet Saskatchewan sunsets, the world's most popular Canadian, Justin Bieber, has photographed himself while on a trip to Africa drinking a beer. Yes! A beer. Little baby Bieber, chuggin' brew like some sort of grown man. Of course all of his Instagram followers are leaving frenzied comments, some apparently upset that he's drinking illegally, their narrow Americanized worldview insisting to them that of course the legal drinking age everywhere is 21 (Justin is 19) because, well, it is here. Silly girls. Silly teens. Well some are not quite so silly. One young lady wrote to Justin: "You're so caught up in fame it's disgusting. I used to look up to you but now you're just a fag." Oh. Oh my. I'm not sure what's so "caught up in fame" about drinking a beer with a friend while on a trip, but OK. Sure thing. Kids! Instagram! Bieber! It's all a mess. [TMZ]

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Actor Chris Evans, best known as Harvard Hottie in The Nanny Diaries, has bought himself a sweet new crib in the Hollywood Hills for a cool $3.52 million. It's a 4,600-square-foot mansion with four bedrooms, a spa, and a swimming pool. Evans was apparently in a bidding war with some other people for the house, which was flipped just last year. The person who flipped it bought it for $1.9 million, so unless they lined the bathroom walls with hundos, I don't think Evans really got a great deal here. Oh well. It's a nice-looking place. He'll be happy there. I mean, he'll barely be there. That's my understanding of how movie stars live their lives, anyway. All that money on houses just to live in hotels. Sad life. Sad, weird life. [Us Weekly]

Aw. Taylor Lautner's car broke so he did the right thing and asked an adult for help. The grownup helped and then Taylor was on his way in his fancy vroom-vroom. Let that be a lesson for other little ones: If you need help, ask an adult. Preferably a parent or teacher, but a valet guy will do in a pinch. [Daily Mail]

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