Readers Reject Aunt's Demand That Bashful Niece Talk To Her

LW#3 - Even from your very short letter we all can plainly see that it doesn't matter which one you end up with you will likely not end up with anyone in the long term.....by the way, are you, like, thirteen years old or something?

I have tried to post this comment about a million times today. If I was the niece's mother, I would seriously question this pushy broad on why she is trying to force a relationship with my child. It always makes me suspicious when an adult tries to force interaction with a child. I don't mean correcting them when they are out of line because that wasn't what was going on in the letter. Why is it so important to talk to someone who clearly doesn't want to talk to you?The reason I say this is because sometimes adults are too caught up in social conventions and adult concerns to see when something is really wrong. My grand-aunt had a 60-something boyfriend (thankfully former) whose own family did not bother with him because he was a racist, sexist pig. Unfortunately, my aunt fell into the trap of getting older, not taking care of herself, losing self-esteem and being enthralled with any man who would pay attention. So we all had to put up with this jerk's antics and be nice to him because he made her happy. We kids avoided him like the plague. Around this time, my sister started going through her shy, awkward phase and started, um, growing in the chest area. This guy started following her around at family functions and trying to hug her, even though she clearly did not want him touching her. It came to a head when he grabbed her, put his arm around her, and insisted my aunt take a picture of "just the two of us" for him to show his retirement home buddies. #$%$ She hated having her picture taken and kept saying no, but he wouldn't take no for an answer. My mom didn't say a word because she was so afraid of offending her aunt. As soon as the pic was snapped, I walked right up to the guy and told him that he better stay the hell away from my sister, that he was a dirty old perv and how dare he come into my parents' home and behave that way? Loudly and in front of a room full of adults. Got a lot of grief for it, too, but the nasty old #$%$ kept his distance from us after that.

My sister and I would refuse to talk to my father's mother any time she called. We would talk to anybody else... grandpa, aunts, uncles, cousins... whatever. But never grandma. Of course dad fought us, but mom stood her ground because she also was treated as we were.
Like everyone else is saying. If someone doesn't want to speak to someone, there is usually a reason.

LW2: If you're struggling to decide between two things flip a coin. It doesn't matter what the outcome is, the second that it's in the air you'll know which one you hope wins.

(Can't take credit for this, but don't remember where it's from.)

LW3: I have dozens of women I'm in love with and would hate to break any of their hearts, so I just stay home with my sock puppy, Monique, instead.

if the girl doesn't want to talk on the phone no one should force her. the word NO is the end of a conversation not the beginning of a negotiation. maybe the aunt is rude and mean.

Double Trouble - Just let the air out of one of your "girlfriends" and put her back in the box. When you feel the need you can blow her back up and love her again.

"Readers who shared their experiences helped me to view this with a fresh perspective. My newspaper readers comment:"

IOW, she ain't taking comments from the Yahoo gallery.

LW2 -To use a football metaphor - If you have a QB controversy - then you don't have a starting QB.

It is not the aunt's job to raise her niece. The child has parents. Their kid. Their call.

I am dealing with an ear Infection. It sucks... I tripped over my own two feet, and hit my chin on the bed post. I can't even type right. Everything is spinning. Big knot on my chin.

Double Trouble - You live in your mom's basement don't you?

As a child, my father tried to force me make conversation with Aunt Betty who terrified me. She was loud and scared the you know what out of me. As a result, I looked to avoid her at all costs but as an adult, I grew to love Aunt Betty who was a wonderful, giving person (just loud and overbearing at times and not real great with small kids). All kids in the family who came after me also didn't like Aunt Betty but grew to love and appreciate her as adults. My point being, don't force it. Kids should be forced to do homework and brush teeth, not fake relationships they don't feel. If they don't do things like thank someone for a present or write a thank you note, then kids need to learn the consequences of their non actiions or being unfriendly. They learn they can't have it both ways.

I think the aunt's insensitive and demanding behavior towards her Niece has more to do with it than "shyness". Obviously, the Aunt has said or done something to hurt the child's feelings and make her not want to see or even talk to the Aunt. Instead of demanding from her Niece, this Aunt needs to take a hard look in the mirror and figure out what happened so SHE can apologize.

I'm shy myself and the one thing I hate the most when talking to people is when they tell me I should talk more. Why isn't it enough for me to be there and listen and contribute the little amount that I do? I'm not quite as gregarious as you and you're not making it any easier on me. You're making me more self conscious and uncomfortable. I can imagine the teen is like me. If her aunt makes her uncomfortable and self conscious, why would she want to talk to or be around her aunt?

LW2: I feel compassion for any woman foolhardy enough to fall in love with this slug and marry him. He's the type who'll stray with another woman the second she presents him with the opportunity.

When I was 8, my aunt married a child molester. It is significant I have no memories of her before this point. He would chase me around the swimming pool trying to put my hands down his shorts while my aunt would criticize every wrong move I made in her presence. Being around the pair of them was torture, but at 8 I lacked the skills to tell any other adult what was happening to me. All I knew was my parents and grandparents were forcing me to be around these people I absolutely loathed. I was in my teens before I simply refused to go on these visits anymore and no one could make me. I was then labeled a problem child, which stuck until I married in my mid-twenties and I finally told someone.

My point is, if you have to force a child to converse with a particular person time after time, maybe you ought to take a harder look at the adult side of the equation instead of blaming everything on the uncooperative child or some disorder they may have. Maybe the problem isn't the child at all.

Isn't it ironic that even in this day and age when we're teaching our kids to stay away from and immediately tell us when someone is bypassing their comfort zone, that some people think that shouldn't apply where shyness is concerned? Seriously? When you start making exceptions to the rules, kids get confused and when kids get confused and their comfort zones are forcibly crossed, the lines become blurred to them and they're more susceptible to predators. If a child isn't comfortable around someone, listen to them cause they might have a darn good reason for it. Better to be safe than sorry.

Double Trouble: Is this a financial problem? Are you actually dating both of them and spending money on them? And are you sure they are both in love with you? pretty vague letter actually, 2 wonderful women could be your therapist and your mommy. I dunno. maybe you can auction yourself off to the highest bidder.

There was this article I read from the CSM right after New Years, several years ago, that I keep and read to this day. The author described, with levity, about how January 2nd should be "National Introvert Day", because introverts have to endure a gauntlet of social holidays and people always telling us to "be more outgoing".
What really stuck with me the rationale. Shy/introverted people don't like small talk, and certainly not flitting between active conversations with multiple people. Introverts care more about deep interaction and being with one or two people. "Small talk is sandpaper to the psyche" I believe was one of the quotes.