Reign Season 2 Fall Finale Review: Taking No Prisoners
Reign can't let up, won't let up, simply doesn't know how to let up. The show's fall finale continued Season 2's plunge into the darker side of royal life with Francis leaving innocent men to freeze to death, Mary setting a dude on fire, and their royal romance ending YET AGAIN. Though to be fair, it also ended in the last fall finale, and I kind of expect they'll be back together by Episode 12, tops (this was Episode 10); breaking up is basically just a new holiday tradition.
Still, "Mercy" started out grim, with Francis rounding up any Protestant he could lay hands on for "questioning" on the old "questioning wheel" with the help of various steel "questioning devices." A devastated Mary (Adelaide Kane and the show were thoughtful about depicting her PTSD) wanted her attacker found and publicly hung, while simultaneously she and Francis had to deal with tons of people congratulating them on a near miss, which gave the whole first act of the episode a desperately sad dramatic irony.
Finally Francis sat Mary down and told her the truth about why he'd been acting a bit of a dick all this time: He committed regicide. All their problems really came down to that, as well as the fact that he'd lied to her about it to protect her from Narcisse. Mary was like, "This would have been really awesome information to have had two episodes ago, but thanks."
Mary also switched rooms and told her ladies about her ordeal the night before, and frankly it was just a blessed relief to have a moment with all of them in the same room again, for the first time in what felt like forever. I missed Peaseblossom.
Man, remember when these girls just danced and giggled and talked and witnessed strangers consummating each other up down and all around? I have really missed watching these women just rapping and relating and introducing each other to cool new beverages like coffee. Maybe next season they'll all take a road trip to a chateau with a winery and just chillll the eff out, because after all the plague and ghosts and religious revolution these ladies have earned themselves a vacay.
Anyway, Mary's attack and all the Narcisse bullshit that'd lead up to it prompted a guilty Lola to betray Narcisse yet again, letting Francis know Narcisse was probably hiding in this little villa of his in the country. Narcisse had mentioned it to her once in passing and she had... drawn a map to it? Low-key cartography skills are pretty classy, Lola, well done. Lola in the Knowla strikes again.
Then Leith walked through a door and nothing else mattered. LEITH IS STILL ON THE SHOW, GUYS! Everything is going to be okay. Adorably, he'd hurried to Greer's side to warn her that the king's guards would be coming for Castleroy and she should take her husband and flee forever! Even though he obviously still cares for her deeply! Ugh Leith is the best. He's absolutely my favorite Cinderfella on all of television.
Meanwhile Catherine was being bullied by her two undead daughters. They wanted Claude dead, like, yesterday. This plotline is actually the creepiest, because Reign has never fully committed to its supernatural elements as being supernatural, it usually adheres to "real-world rules" in which the supernatural is always explained rationally... which means that Catherine could just very well be going insane and slippity-sliding into a bout of homicidal mania.
Catherine gave Claude a damn bag of gold to leave the castle, but Claude wasn't having it. She made a fairly good case about how she was the Kate Middleton to Catherine's Queen Elizabeth and threw the money on the floor. Even Kenna and both of her amazing outfit couldn't teach her some manners.
I hope as soon as Claude left the room Kenna scooped up every last one of those gold pieces.
Next: Page 2
(Continued from Page 1)
Meanwhile, the castle was so choked with prisoners that Protestants were sitting outside in the courtyard freezing to death because the dungeons were already full. Francis was like, "Sorry they mistook kindness for weakness but now it's time to put down Christian and pick up crazy," and to be frank, after an assassination attempt? That's 100 percent the right attitude.
As any 16th-century king would tell you, being a king is a lot like being a substitute teacher. There's always that one guy who comes in and tries to be everybody's friend, and by the end of the day he's got three signs taped to his back, he's red in the face and in tears, everyone's calling him "Mister DickBreff," and the entire class is out of their seats/on their phones. Meanwhile the terrifying ex-Marine who strides in and tells everyone to sit down and shut up—that guy gets through the lesson plan early, lets you finish your homework before the bell rings, and everybody's happy. Thus it is with kings!
As part of his take no prisoners/take all the prisoners campaign of terror, Francis assigned Conde the job of gathering Protestant intelligence on the assassination attempt. Conde's original lead hung himself before Conde could question him, but Mary was like, "Take me to his widow." Of course, Conde first had to privately check in with his valet about the 16th-century equivalent of an email getting bounced back.
Anyway, they arranged it so that while Conde was confronting the widow about her husband's involvement, Mary stepped out of the shadows like some kind of formalwear Batman, and much like Batman she inspired enough terror and awe in the widow that the lady just spilled everything: The conspirators had a house further north that they would be riding to to collect supplies for their escape abroad. Conde was like, "Great, let's go tell Francis," and Mary was like, "No we're going to straight-up get these jerks ourselves."
When they arrived at the house, Severin, Mary's attacker, was there. Mary confronted him, laying everything on the table, like, "Enjoy the next 24 hours before you're publicly hanged while I watch, laughing and eating popcorn. Then enjoy your eternity in hell." And the guy was like, "Well, I don't believe I'll burn in hell, so there."
So Mary BURNED HIM ALIVE DICK FIRST.
Meanwhile, Catherine was feeding her daughter some poison broth with a little spoon. I think we can all agree that, once a child surpasses the age of three, spoon-feeding is completely sinister. There are maybe no contexts where someone trying to spoon-feed you is not a giant red flag, if you are over the age of three. Unfortunately, Claude's little neglected party-girl facade just split open, revealing her hurt little core, and she was like, "MMMM MAMA MORE PLEASE" and that was sort of genuinely sad?!
Later Bash found her kind of drugged-out and sloppy, so she might die. Or Nostradamus's intern, Costcodamus might come to her rescue and save her, who knows. It's not looking good. And Catherine got a very sensual surprise visit from King Henry as a reward for offing her own daughter? Catherine, vigilante justice is one hell of a slick slope, and if you're going to revenge Claude for killing Flotsam and Jetsam then Henry might start whispering in your ear that it's time to take down Francis, and I'm starting to suspect that ALL of these ghosts are just like a metaphor for homicidal mania and I really don't want my favorite Royal Mom to suffer homicidal mania. Kate Middleton? Sure. That would actually be pretty interesting.
Meanwhile, touchingly, Leith had cashed in his big favor from the king to get Pepperpot out of prison so that he and Greer could escape to safety. A romantic gesture of truest love, and also Greer had decided she wasn't going with Castleroy, because 1) Mary needs her now more than ever, 2) both of them fleeing would be seen as grounds for further investigation, and 3) Leith was looking good in that black velveteen tunic.
Speaking of love triangles, Conde confronted Mary about WTF had happened back there after the cottage had finished burning, and Mary revealed to him what she'd been through the night before, relaying her fears that it would interfere with her future with Francis.
When they got home Francis seemed to have a little FOMO about Conde and Mary killing a bunch of really awful guys and burning their bodies. It was definitely a major bonding experience. Mary was like, "It's over, release the rest of the prisoners," and Francis was like, "Guards, release the rest of the corpses!" and then he settled down next to Mary hoping everything was now kinda sorta okay. But obviously, obviously it was not okay. Not only did a grisly revenge not make Mary 100 percent better, but she confessed that she associates Francis with her attack and she's thinking maybe they should have a façade marriage and stop seeing each other outside the throne room. Of course, this is maybe the tenth time Mary has told Francis they are never ever ever getting back together, so Francis and Frary fans might want to take her statement with a grain of salt.
Meanwhile WTF is this guy?
Leather pants and 10 pounds of charisma in a five-pound bag showed up in Conde's room and we all nodded silently out of respect to Reign's casting department doing another great job. Whatever his deal is (I'm guessing it's causing conflict for Francis), Mr. Navarre could read Conde like a book, and was already teasing him about having a crush on Mary. Conde was like, "Do not, do not, lay off no way girls are gross." BUT HE TOTALLY DID.
Mary received his letter after all and it confessed a big old crush on her. Conde is in love with Mary and now she knows. That's the big cliffhanger. It's not quite the same as Mary galloping away from the castle by Bash's side with king and country forgotten and defied, but it could signal a turn away from the depressing disasters of the first half of the season and toward something a little lighter, a little more romantic, in the second half. And I think all of us are down for anything that would make Mary crack a smile at this point.
QUESTIONS:
... Conde and Mary: the devil's snare or game on?
... Burning the dude alive: thoughts? opinions? feelings?
... How soon until Mary and Francis are back together? ALSO: How will Reign handle the fact that Francis should historically be dead soon?
... Is Catherine homicidally insane or is she being bullied by a pair of little ghost girls?
... Where do you think the second half of the season will take us?
