Rob Ford Launches Re-Election Campaign With Understatements, Free Booze

Despite being stripped of most of his mayoral powers, crack-smoking mayor of Toronto and national embarrassment Rob Ford somehow believes he'll be re-elected. He officially launched his campaign tonight with a big party.

Ford entered the room to the sound of bagpipes and walked up a red carpet to his podium, where he spoke for about a half hour. He addressed some of the personal issues that have plagued his mayoralty. Kind of.

"There's been some rocky moments over the past year," Ford said. "I have experienced how none of us can go through life without making mistakes." 

"The people of Toronto know that I am just like them," he added, which may have come as a shock to the people of Toronto who haven't smoked crack in one of their drunken stupors.

"The people of Toronto deserve nothing less than accessibility, accountability and transparency," said Ford, who basically had to be forced into being transparent about his drug and alcohol use after being confronted with video evidence and has never been held accountable for that behavior.

RELATED: What the Devastating Droughts in California and Texas Look Like When Graphed

Ford left the stage to the sounds of Twisted Sister's "We're Not Gonna Take It."

A variety of bobblehead dolls of the mayor were on sale at the event, with a portion of the proceeds benefiting his campaign. You can buy a Rob Ford with the Mayoral Chain of Office, a Rob Ford in his Jimmy Kimmel suit, a "Hollywood edition" Rob Ford wearing a tuxedo, and a "special edition" Rob Ford wearing a football tie.

Free alcoholic drunks were given away to attendees, because why the hell not? It's not like he has a problem with alcohol or anything.

There was also a firetruck with a banner on it that said "saving the taxpayers from getting burned," which the Toronto Professional Firefighters' Association immediately called "tasteless" and "a slap in the face" in a press release.

According to the Toronto Star, Ford is behind Olivia Chow in the polls, which means he's beating John Tory, Karen Stintz and David Soknacki. Chow's campaign slogan is "New mayor. Better city." Her latest campaign ad attacks Ford for not calling his constituents back.

RELATED: Alert: Chelsea Clinton's Baby Can Run for President in 2052

It makes no mention of the fact that Ford admitted to smoking crack.

This article was originally published at http://www.thewire.com/politics/2014/04/rob-ford-launches-re-election-campaign-with-understatements-free-booze/360867/

Read more from The Wire

•   After Years of Bad Press, the Great Fraternity Crackdown Is Here

•   Obama Sums Up Ukraine: 'I Don't Think We Can Be Sure of Anything at This Point'