When Auntie Has a Boy Toy

04/26/2007 – DEAR MARGO: My aunt "Sharon" is 40 years old and dating a guy who is 24. She has been seeing him for less than a year, and he has just asked her to marry him. She actually said yes. We all thought it was a joke until she showed us the ring. (She has three children, the oldest 21.) We all think she is insane. My grandmother (her mother) told her to give the ring back and not to accept, because he is young enough to be her child. When she realized that everyone was against her decision, she adopted the attitude that it is "her life, and she'll do as she pleases."

This may be true, but he has nothing going for him: no job, lives with his grandmother. (He got kicked out of his mother's house because he didn't want to help pay any bills.)

She wants to be married so bad that when the opportunity finally presented itself, she jumped at it. She has a book that she writes in, saying what her dream wedding will be, what colors, what type of cake, etc. You get the drift.

She is naive about the person who got down on one knee. We all know what is going on in her relationship, and she doesn't. How do we get her to see what we see?

--- NIECE WHO NEEDS HELP IN FLORIDA

DEAR NIECE: The real answer is, "You don't." It is damn near impossible to change the mind of a girl or a woman who's decided she is getting married. Don't ask me how I know this.

Along with her dream wedding, she will be getting a guy she will be supporting probably until she tires of the sex. All you can say is that you are concerned because of the age difference, his lack of employment and his aversion to bill-paying.

There is a chance (slim to none) that this marriage will work, and if it doesn't, please try very hard not to tell Aunt Sharon, "I told you so."

--- MARGO, PROPHETICALLY

A Civil Way To Say "None of Your Business"

DEAR MARGO: I recently got a job about six months ago that I love. It's low key, and has great hours and good pay. There is one problem: the boss.

Each time I speak with him, he asks what I have been doing, where, with whom, etc. I feel uncomfortable because these things are none of his business. Also, when I need days off, he will ask why and where I'll be. Upon my return, he will inquire about the details.

I feel that if I tell him I am leaving for a vacation, he will not give me the time off, so I say things like my aunt is in the hospital, or something else seemingly very important. I would just like to be left to my work and not talk about my personal life and agenda. How do I make him back off?

--- ANNOYED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ANN: To close down Mr. Meddlesome, you will have to bite the bullet and tell him, in answer to the next inappropriate question, that you really love your work, but the personal questions make you uncomfortable because they have nothing to do with the job. Add that you wish to behave as professionally as possible.

I don't know whether he doesn't have enough to do, he's hitting on you or simply has poor judgment, but let him know -- in a low-key way -- that he is overstepping.

Also, what is this "he will not give me time off" if it's for a vacation, rather than a sick aunt? As I understand it, jobs come with vacation time and sick days that are prearranged.

I hope you get a hold of the situation and also that there's an HR person to intercede if things get sticky.

--- MARGO, CORRECTIVELY

Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to click here.

COPYRIGHT 2007 MARGO HOWARD
DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS SYNDICATE, INC.