The Doctor Is In -- and Hot!

10/11/2007 – DEAR MARGO: I work in a male-dominated field and am therefore around lots of men every day. Not until I went to see this physician did I feel what I guess people call chemistry. My husband is an absolutely wonderful man and father. He is supportive, funny, successful and loving. However, I am wildly attracted to this other man.

I made up two reasons to have sham appointments. For the last one I dressed as sexy as I could on a workday, and flirted as best I could without seeming too forward. He was friendly but did not initiate anything.

Then, I saw the physician in the grocery store, and he made it a point to smile at me but not speak. My husband and child were with me.

At any rate, I have a follow-up appointment in about one month. Should I be forward with him? (And if so, how?) I do not want to lose my husband, but I am interested in this other man.

--- JENNIFER

DEAR JEN: You should know that I am a doctor's wife. Granted, he's a heart surgeon whose patients are knocked out and under anesthesia, making it difficult for his women patients to make goo-goo eyes at him . . . but I will speak for my sister physicians' wives.

Try to understand that attraction to doctors is somewhat about their status as healers and seemingly all-wise, and the appeal often involves a fantasy. The balance of power is never equal: The patient is the needy one; the doctor the "fixer." If this man is a psychiatrist, he could lose his license for beginning an affair with a patient. If he is a general practitioner, it would be unethical at best.

This is not to say that doctors don't fool around or date patients, just that the "chemistry" you're feeling may be something else. I would dial back any ideas you have about being forward. My instinct is that this flirt is not reciprocal.

--- MARGO, KNOWLEDGEABLY

When Ringing Off Is Justified

DEAR MARGO: I am a middle-aged woman, the oldest of four children. Growing up, I was constantly told I was the "ugly" one and not capable of accomplishing much on my own. Looking back at pictures of myself as a young woman, I think I was actually quite pretty, but never thought so at the time.

I work two jobs (with a disability) and have raised three children, for the most part on my own. While I still struggle with depression, I see myself as a capable, loving and intelligent woman. My problem is my siblings. They don't choose to be family anymore.

One of my brothers has serious anger issues. My sister, the "pretty" one, does not consider me someone she would like to be close to. My younger brother sits in judgment of me. Yes, I have a past, but it's just that, a past. I have tried repeatedly to be closer to them.

My children get really angry and ask me why I bother. I tell them we're supposed to be family. I am seriously considering moving out of the state when my youngest graduates high school next year. If I don't hear from my siblings by then, I will probably not tell them I'm leaving.

Do you think there's a point when you should give up family?

--- CUT ADRIFT

DEAR CUT: I do, indeed, champion estrangements when the "relationship" does more harm than good. To be related is merely an accident of DNA.

There's an adage I like that says friends are God's apology for relatives. The sibs you describe sound like people you don't need in your life, and good for your kids for being levelheaded and encouraging you to unload these chilly sibs.

I wish you the very best of luck.

--- MARGO, GUILTLESSLY

Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to click here.

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