Checking In
Brother, Can You Spare $1,000?
Thu Apr 3, 3:00 AM ET
DEAR MARGO: I have a history of being the banker of the family. My wife and I both do OK for a couple with no formal education. I was injured a couple of years ago, and even without my paycheck, God blessed us: I got a very large settlement. I'm on the verge of changing my numbers and not returning messages. Is this considered greedy or self-preservation? I would not think about doing this, except there is a long history of no calls or visits from our family members unless they have their hands out for loans (none paid back, by the way). There was never a "How ya doing?" or "Do y'all need anything?" I think I'm at the finish line of being a sucker and would like to go a different direction.
--- DADDY WARBUCKS NOW
DEAR DAD: It's OK with me, kiddo. Given what you say, I see nothing wrong with changing your numbers or even moving. The situation you find yourself in is an old story with lottery winners or people who suddenly come into money. You would be sparing yourself a lot of annoyance by just being unreachable. And bizarre as it may sound, lottery winners and the just plain rich receive letters from strangers asking for money.
I happen to share your views about people who have no use for you, show no concern and then think nothing of asking to share your good fortune when it comes your way. I think favors and assistance are for friends and family with whom you have a warm relationship.
--- MARGO, CONSENTINGLY
For Better or Worse ... Not Four in a Bed
DEAR MARGO: I am 37 and got married two years ago. My wife's children were 6 and 8 at the time. At first, the kids slept in our bed. I didn't say anything for about a month, but then I said that was not acceptable. Next they moved to air mattresses at the foot of our bed. After that, they moved to their own rooms. Now they are back in our bed. I have moved to the couch -- which has caused my wife to be mad at me. I also catch hell if I try to discipline her son, now 8, when he pouts or plays her to get things his way. (I know all the tricks because my kids are older.) I think I have the right to be regarded as a surrogate parent because I am the one who is here when the school bus drops him off and I sometimes take him to school. I would appreciate any suggestions you may have.
--- GOING NUTS
DEAR GO: These sleeping arrangements are for the birds, but they are merely indicative of a larger problem. What has happened is that the kids have run away with the reins. Their mother is caving in whenever they say "boo," either from guilt or because it's easier to acquiesce than to say "no." You might ask your wife how many men she thinks would marry a woman so that four people could sleep in the bed. She also needs to understand the correctness of your wanting to act as a surrogate parent. My suggestion would be to make an appointment with a child specialist who can explain to your wife what is good for her children and what is not. If this situation doesn't get straightened out, I am pretty certain there will be no marriage.
--- MARGO, CORRECTIVELY
Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to click here.
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