Time To Escort Him Out the Door?

04/27/2007 – DEAR MARGO: I never thought I would write to an advice column, but here I am. I found out not too long ago that my husband (who for the longest time was the boy-next-door type) had started having flings with escorts. He's been doing it since last March. He still does it off and on. I confronted him a couple of times, and for a while things will be fine, but he eventually goes back to it again. I believe he's unaware that I know about these more recent trysts.

We have a 7-year-old son, and I don't want him growing up without his father, but then again, I don't want him growing up thinking that it's OK to cheat on his spouse when and if he gets married.

I guess my question is, should I confront my husband about this and try to work it out for our son's sake, or should I just pack my bags and slip away quietly into the night?

--- VERY CONFUSED HOUSEWIFE

DEAR VER: First, I do not believe in hanging on to an uncomfortable marriage "for the children's sake." Your son will always have a father -- only maybe just on the weekends and a few nights during the week.

Second, I see no reason to "slip away quietly into the night." If your spouse can't conquer his desire to be "escorted," then you should tell him to move out, preferably by the light of day. And have a lawyer lined up when you do this.

You are right about one thing, though. Children, especially boys, seem to know, almost by osmosis, when the old man is a player. No one need say a word or be seen with a babe . . . which is why it is often the case that several generations of men in the same family will wander.

--- MARGO, ADVANTAGEOUSLY

When Hitting "Send" Is the Answer

DEAR MARGO: I am in my late 20s and about to marry a wonderful man who is in the military. I will be moving abroad, and for the first time, I will be more than a couple of hours away from my family.

They are all happy about the marriage, but my sister recently let me in on the fact that my dad, in particular, isn't handling the moving part very well. He hasn't said anything to me.

I'm closer to him than anyone else, and I'm not really sure how to help. I drive up to see them whenever I can (I have two jobs, so it's kind of hard), and he and I e-mail on a daily basis. He'll get to see me a few times a year because he travels to that part of the world for business.

I'm not sure if I can say anything that will make him feel better, but if you have any words of wisdom, I'd sure like to plagiarize them. Thanks!

--- DADDY'S LITTLE GIRL

DEAR DAD'S: Tell your dad the next time you see him that you're greatly looking forward to your adventure, but the downside will be that your in-person visits will be limited, but you will look forward to them like mad.

Also remind him that people separated by distance can carry on very well with e-mails, and you plan to keep him informed of everything that's going on in your new life -- and you expect him to keep you filled in on everything at home.

For myself, I can only tell you that some very strong friendships have been forged through e-mail. Though you and your dad are family, you might find that daily correspondence, colored by new experiences, will enhance your relationship. The closeness will not suffer.

--- MARGO, CONNECTEDLY

Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to click here.

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